


The Boy Who Destroyed The World

by thelaughingmagician



Series: Kyro [1]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 17:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 68,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13082196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelaughingmagician/pseuds/thelaughingmagician
Summary: The world is a mess: powers are lost, a virus is being spread, and Kitty is hiding something potentially dangerous from the school--Pyro.  [archive of old fic]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old unbeta'd fic that got me a lot of attention when it was first posted after X3 came out in theaters. Yeah, I'm old.

 

 

“Once there was boy who had vibrant glow, but as it goes, someone took it from him.”

~ AFI “The Boy Who Destroyed the World” ~

“[There may be a great **fire** in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/there_may_be_a_great_fire_in_our_soul-yet_no_one/144731.html)””

~  [Vincent van Gogh](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/vincent_van_gogh/)~

 

**Chapter 1**

He couldn’t move. The world was dark and cold, and every muscle he was still aware he had was aching like he had never known pain before. He tried to move again and still found that he couldn’t.

John opened his eyes very slowly. They argued with him the entire way, wanting to stay closed, to keep from seeing what was going on around in reality. The air was smoky. He nearly couldn’t see. And the noise, it was unbearable. People running around, screaming. Dying.

Finally, adrenaline jolted his muscles back into the present, and John sat up, looking around. He felt stiff and sore still, and as he tried to stand he failed. His first instinct was to look for Magneto. He was the leader, knew what to do. Even if he was an almost intolerable ass.

But John’s eyes locked on to one person, and it wasn’t Magneto. She stood at the end of the bridge, skin darkened by black veins, eyes so red they nearly looked alien. She had been his teacher once. The teacher all the elementary school kids had a crush on. Only they hadn’t been at an elementary school, and John had seen her as more of a friend than someone to lust after. She was admirable, respect worthy, but now she was nothing but a shell of the woman she had been.

And there was that annoying Logan, making his way up towards Jean. His skin and flesh melting away as he took step after step. It healed, then disintegrated again, and he was in incredible pain, but he never stopped. Maybe the Wolverine really was a good guy.

They were talking, and John couldn’t hear what was being said, nor did he really care. He thought back, trying to remember what had knocked him onto the ground and disorientated him so badly.

He glanced down at his hands, still blue and frosted over from Bobby’s ice. “Damn it.” He snapped, trying to stand again and this time actually succeeding. He looked around frantically for his lighter. It was nearly a part of him. And he wondered why he hadn’t noticed it missing right away.

John’s heart raced as he panicked, looking around for it. He relaxed once he saw it lying near his feet and picked it up. Everything was okay if he had his fire. He flicked the lighter on and watched his hands thaw out. Then he glared at the chaos around him, looking for Bobby. There would be hell to pay once he found his old friend. If they had ever really been friends.

But everyone was running, horrified as the world around them was literally ripped apart. John watched a nearby soldier float in the air and then just disintegrate into a dust that eventually became nothing. He made a disgusted face, then glanced back towards Logan and Dr. Grey. Could she really have this much power? To rip people apart like that? And if so, why was he still standing there alive?

No need to stand there any longer and tempt her. He turned around and took off running, trying to get to the bridge before the entire island disappeared beneath his feet. Everything had been so simple only minutes before. What the hell had gone so wrong? 

XXXXXXXX

It was raining. Hours later, it was still raining. As if her powers lifting the ocean had altered the weather completely. And he had no doubt that it had. Maybe Dr. Grey was still alive. Maybe she actually _was_ controlling the weather.

Whatever it was, it pissed him off. Rain meant water all over his hands. And although that didn’t make it entirely impossible to control the flames, it did make it difficult to create them to begin with.

He hated that.

John only had half a power the way he saw it. What good was controlling fire if you couldn’t create it? That’s why his lighter was so damn important to him. Without it, he was helpless. And he hated that too.

And now, here he was, walking on the sidewalk, avoiding the glances of people who passed him and recognized him. Yeah, he was infamous now thanks to Magneto. How long had he been under the mutant’s wing? A year? Two? He couldn’t even remember what it was like to sleep at Xavier’s school anymore, in a bed that wasn’t cold and metal.

He sort of missed it. The stupid classes with their stupid homework assignments, and the stupid students who sat pathetically around him, trying to be normal when they clearly couldn’t.

He missed getting detention and burning some obscene phrase onto the desk until Dr. Grey saw it and made him burn it flat. He missed beating Bobby’s ass at basketball while his lame girlfriend watched and pretended to not be impressed. He missed teasing Kitty because of that one time she fell asleep during class and fell through her chair. He missed the way Xavier would give him ‘the look’ right before he was about to flick his lighter on.

But most of all he missed the feeling that very building gave him whenever he was there. He’d never admit it to anyone, not even himself, but there was a part of John that felt completely safe at _Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters_. It had been the closest thing he had ever had to a home.

He was jarred from his thoughts most irritatingly by a passing police officer. “Hands in the air!” And then the officer muttered something into his radio about ‘having one of them.’ A slight smirk crossed his lips as John raised his hands in the air, his thumb resting on his lighter, just waiting.

“Is there a problem, officer?” He asked.

“Don’t get smart with me. Turn around and get against the wall.” John’s smirk faded and he flicked his lighter on, throwing a ball of flame at the man.

“You know, I’m already having a really bad day.” He said, irritated. “And you’re only making it worse.”

People nearby had stopped to see what the policeman was rolling on the ground screaming about. He couldn’t get the flames on his face and chest and arms to die or smother, because John kept feeding them with life. It was like his very will was feeding the fire, keeping it alive, forcing it to grow and eat at the man’s flesh.

And then he felt a very sharp pain at the back of his neck. John glared as he turned around, pulling the needle out of his neck, and looked at the man who had shot him. “You bastard!” John snapped, hand held outwards and lighter ignited.

For the first time in ten years, John’s hand actually burned. “Shit!” He turned the lighter off and stared at his charred hand in shock. He hadn’t been harmed by fire since… And staring at the needle he’d tossed to the ground he suddenly realized what had happened. John looked up at the officer in shock, eyes opened wide.

He didn’t know what to do, how to react. So he did the only thing he’d ever been good at even before discovering his mutant power—he ran like hell.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“[Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the **fire** of enthusiasm](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/life-s_blows_cannot_break_a_person_whose_spirit/198915.html)”

~  [Norman Vincent Peale](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/norman_vincent_peale/) ~

**Chapter 2**

 

She was crying again. After all that had happened, after all she had suffered through, Kitty Pryde was crying. She’d come back from her dance class hoping to feel better, more free even. But after a battle such as the one she had survived days before, she felt nothing but grief and uncertainty.

What would happen now that Dr. Grey and the Professor were gone? The school was still open, but there was a gaping hole where they had both once stood. And Kitty herself had changed quite a bit. It was amazing what surviving one battle could do to you.

There was a knock on her door, and Kitty sat up. “Come in.” Her voice seemed too quiet, too small for the room that surrounded her. But on the other side of the door, Storm heard her perfectly.

“Hello,” Storm’s smile and voice were always so warm and welcoming. But then Kitty had always felt an odd kinship to the woman. She was like an older sister who could make it stop raining if you asked. “I came to check on you.” Her smile had faded just a bit at the sight of the dried tears on Kitty’s cheeks, but she still maintained it the best she could.

“I’m fine.” Kitty lied, looking at the floor. Then she reconsidered. Hadn’t she fought alongside Storm days before for her very life and the lives of others? So why would it be so hard to tell her mentor the truth?

“Actually,” Storm waited for the girl to finished, almost knowing what she was about to say, “I’m not okay.”

An arm was wrapped around the girl in an instant, warm and comforting. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I uh…” She hesitated, the tears started to form again as she tried to form the feelings into words that could be understood. “I can’t stop thinking about…” She looked up at Storm, “About everyone that didn’t make it.”

Storm’s face melted into understanding, her smile gone and replaced with an oddly comforting look. She looked down at the girl, listening carefully, arm still wrapped around her.

“I mean, I saw Dr. Grey the day she left…” She said. “She seemed so…” Kitty thought for a moment, “I didn’t recognize her.” She sighed. “But the other night, when we were out there fighting, I looked up at her and I swear she was…” Kitty couldn’t think of a way to say it.

“I know.” Storm hugged the girl close. “We all did.” There were tears in her eyes now too, the image of Logan fighting against Jean’s very power to get to her, to save her in the only way he could, still burned into her mind so clearly as she’d hesitated to run away with the others.

“It was like one minute she was standing there, looking down at us, and the next…” Kitty was having a hard time speaking now. “And the Professor,” She had to pause for a moment, the sobs making her too hard to understand. “I saw him minutes before you all left that day. He smiled at me, and he told me ‘Kitty, don’t be afraid.’” She looked at the floor again.

“And I kept hearing those words in my mind as I raced to get to that boy. It seemed like the longest run of my life, but the Professor’s voice in my mind helped me keep going.”

“But the more I think about it,” Kitty continued, “The more I realize that he wasn’t talking about that fear, the fear I had that night. He was talking about what I’m feeling right now. This fear that life will never be normal again, that I’ll never be able to stop crying myself to sleep, or pausing outside his office door every time I walk down that hallway. It was like he knew, Storm.” She looked up at her teacher. “He knew that when he left to go to Jean, he wasn’t coming back.”

Tears fell down Storm’s cheeks as she thought back to the moment after the Professor’s death. Then she smiled through her tears and looked down at Kitty. “Well he was right about one thing.” Kitty gave her a confused look, and Storm hugged her close. “You shouldn’t be afraid.”

XXXXXXXX

He was afraid. He was completely and utterly afraid. He hadn’t felt this way since the day he’d ran away from home. He’d snagged his dad’s credit card and caught a plane to the US, hoping that if he was a continent away, his parents couldn’t hate him so much.

And now he was alone again. He had nowhere to go. Magneto wouldn’t take him back into the Brotherhood in a million years. He was ‘cured’ after all. Whatever that fucking meant.

But the way he had looked at Mystique after she’d been ‘cured,’ it had just disgusted John. After all he had seen Magneto do and after all the man talked of doing, never in his life had John thought he would walk away from the only woman he seemed to care about simply because her mutant ability was gone. And after she’d “taken the bullet” for him, so to speak. It just wasn’t right. And he supposed that Magneto had lost a bit of his respect in that moment. But what was he supposed to say? The damn ‘Master of Magnetism’ was the leader, not him.

Only now he was on his own. John Allerdyce was on his own again. “Story of my life.” He muttered. And it was. He’d never really sat still—not even through one of the Professor’s self-righteous lectures. He’d always fidgeted with his lighter or simply got up and walked out.

That thought made him glanced down at the lighter in his hand. He’d taken off the wrist bands. No reason to hold a lighter onto your wrist when you couldn’t do anything with it without burning the hell out of your hand. He was bitter, to say the least. Everything he’d ever thought about the government was now confirmed in his mind without a doubt.

It was still raining. Why was it still raining? Looking up at the sky he wondered if it would ever stop. It did nothing but sting the burn on his palm that was already a constant reminder of just how pathetic he was now.

But was he really nothing without his powers?

He had this dream once, when he was a kid, couldn’t have been older than ten, and he’d dreamed that he would grow up to be a writer. Didn’t matter what kind, what he was writing or for who, just as long as he was writing.

He’d woken up early that morning and written his first article before school. He’d even submitted it to the newspaper, hoping to get it published. But they had sent it back. He was too young, they said. Forget the fact that he had talent and passion for the actual thing, just snuff the kid’s dreams and throw them away.

And that had been a turning point in his life. He’d been holding that paper the first time the fireplace had jumped out at him. That fire, the hot, purging fire that should have burned the hell out of his hands, it was comforting. He almost hadn’t notice it at first, the way the article burned just like he wanted it to. Then his mom had walked in and dropped her glass.

He could still hear it shatter to this day. There could be a damn earthquake going on around him and John would still hear the sound of that breaking glass. And the look his mother gave him.

Everything had changed. Dreams crushed, hopes smothered, his very soul burning with rage and disappointment, spite and bitterness. He’d left home that night.

And now here he was. Sitting on a bench, in the rain, staring at the _last_ place he wanted to be, but the only place he knew he could go.

The rain was suffocating him. It should have been refreshing, the sign of a new start, but it did nothing but make him want to puke. As did the sight of the school he’d left. And the realization that all of those people he had abandoned and let down were somewhere inside, still thinking of him as a villain, someone who was dangerous to be around. And he was, but that was beside the point.

Right now he was desperate. He would never admit it, would probably still bitch about everyone and everything at the school even if they did let him back in. But that was just the way he was. Don’t let people think you’re grateful and you have nothing to pay them back for. It made sense in his mind.

One step closer and he could hear the mud splashing in the darkness. It may have been night, but he knew this landscape like the back of his lighter. Damn. His thoughts just kept going back to that thing. The thing that had been such a part of him but was nothing but destructive and useless to him now.

John looked down at the lighter in his hand for a moment, stopped walking and just stared at it. Was there a point to carrying it around anymore? Maybe he was just holding on to a reality that no longer existed. He tossed it aside into the surrounding forest, pretending that it didn’t matter to him.

But it tore him apart. And every step he took closer to the mansion he’d once called home, every step he was farther away from that lighter that had been with him through so many things, he felt less and less sure of himself.

XXXXXXXX

She nearly walked through him, hadn’t seen him in the dark at all. Kitty jumped in surprise, half phased through whoever the stranger who had been walking silently in the dark was, half solid still. She jumped back quickly, hoping she hadn’t hurt him. And then she saw who he was, and she took a step farther back.

John, startled by the presence of someone other than himself, and so caught up in his own self-pitied thoughts, hadn’t even heard her walking up. It was like the mud yielded to her steps, refusing to make any noise the way it announced his presence. He fell backwards, landing in some mud—which, at least, was soft—and looked up to see who the hell had pushed him over.

She was afraid. He could see that even in the darkened shadows that the moonlight cast on her face. The girl he had once teased during physics was now backing away in fear.

“Here, kitty kitty.” John said sarcastically.

“John?” She still wasn’t sure it was him. Even when he stood back up and brushed himself off the best he could, she wanted to believe he was someone else masked by the darkness to look like Pyro. “What are you doing here?” She asked, cautious and ready to phase if he threw flames towards her.

“Oh, me? I was in the neighborhood.” Oh how he wished he had his lighter to flick in front of her. She was nervous, and she didn’t need to know he was ‘cured’ yet, now did she?

“You’d better leave.” Kitty’s voice changed, toughened a bit. She had some confidence now that clearly hadn’t been there before when they’d been in classes together. He almost thought she was being cautious more than afraid. Maybe he really should have stayed in the stupid school.

“And where would you like me to go?” He asked, still using his sarcastic, I-don’t-give-a-damn tone of voice.

“You’re not welcome here anymore.” She said simply, seeming to relax a little bit now that he wasn’t posing an immediate threat.

That comment, more than it should have, hurt him. He felt it somewhere deep inside, where he kept that lost little boy with dreams locked up and gagged. But he ignored it.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” He said, giving her a cocky grin. “Every mutant’s welcome here after all.”

“You left us!” She snapped suddenly.

“Wow, hey, take some midol or something, because clearly you’re a mess.” He told her. And it was true. She seemed so on edge that any little word would set her off, and that’s what had happened.

“Shut up.” Kitty said quietly, looking away.

“Strike a nerve, did I?” He asked. Kitty looked back at him, glaring, and then she punched him so hard he fell backwards, back into the mud. “What the fuck, Kitty!?” He snapped, getting to his feet, holding his hand out towards her.

“What are you going to do, burn me?” She asked, getting in his face. “Try it.” And suddenly John knew there was more going on here. She was _looking_ for a fight. Kitty knew, just like every other old classmate of his, that he was easily provoked. And she was outright tempting him.

“Looking for some pain?” He asked, taking another step closer to tower over her, to hopefully intimidate her a bit. He still had his hand held out, as if to throw flames at her, but he knew he couldn’t. And that pissed him off more than she did.

“Just go.” She told him, backing away and turning to leave.

“Hey, where the hell are…” He reached out for her arm and his hand went right through it.

Kitty paused and turned around to look at him suspiciously. “Why haven’t you burned me yet?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. John looked at her for a moment, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. She gave him a little half smile. “You’ve been ‘cured,’ haven’t you?”

He glared at her. “I’m fine.”

“Whatever.” Kitty rolled her eyes, clearly not threatened by him anymore, and walked back towards the school.

“Look, I don’t want them to know I’m here yet!” He yelled, and she stopped to glance back at him. “I’m not ready to…” He sighed. “Not yet.” John hated this, that he looked weak in front of _her_ of all people. But he couldn’t deny he was powerless now. Pathetically powerless. Human again.

Kitty looked at him for a moment, then turned around and, without saying another word, walked back to the school.

“Damn it.” He muttered in frustration as he saw her phase through the wall.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“[There is no **fire** without some smoke](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/there_is_no_fire_without_some/170713.html)”

~ Proverbs ~

**Chapter 3**

Her knuckles were cut open and bleeding, but she kept pounding at the punching bag. It was the only refuge she had at the moment. No one was allowed in the Danger Room without one of the teachers, and none of them were in the mood or had the time. So, Kitty had retreated to Peter’s small workout room.

He worked out a lot, though she wondered why he felt he even needed to. And some of the other students used the room too, but mostly it was just Kitty and Peter. Especially these last few days after Alcatraz.

But now she was alone. She didn’t know where Peter was, and honestly she didn’t care. It should have bothered her, because usually she always wanted his company. But Kitty had too much on her mind to focus on a teenage crush.

John Allerdyce was back. Bobby and Rogue had told her the story once, of how John had gone off with Magneto. But she hadn’t really believed it until she had seen him standing next to the mutant a few days ago.

There had been John, the boy who always insisted on making her life difficult anyway, and he’d been standing with her enemies. He’d been a real danger. One of those flaming cars had almost hit her, would have if she hadn’t phased through it. And he’d looked like he’d been having a great time, the time of his life even.

She hit the punching bag harder, gritting teeth as she tore all of her frustrations into it. And Kitty couldn’t even feel her knuckles anymore.

He’d had the nerve to come back—to _try_ to come back—and he hadn’t even put up a real fight. She didn’t know what irritated her more, the fact that John hadn’t tried to hit her, or the fact that she’d wanted him to so badly. She needed that pain, that physical pain that would hide her broken heart from her mind for even just a while.

And he had denied her that.

“A lot on your mind, kid?” Kitty grabbed the punching bag to stop it from swinging and glanced over at Logan. He was leaning in the doorway, cigar perched between his lips, eyebrow raised as he glanced at her knuckles.

“Something like that.” Kitty replied, not quite sure how to act around him yet. He’d been her teacher, and then he’d saved them all by killing the woman he loved. How did you speak to someone after they did something like that for you?

He nodded towards the punching bag. “Is it helping?”

Kitty glanced at it, then back over at Logan. “Not really.” She admitted, sighing.

Logan nodded as he took a drag of his cigar. “Never does.” He told her. “Well,” He thought for a moment, “Sometimes it does.” He admitted.

Kitty’s lips curled into a slight smile, the one that lingered at the corner of her mouth. “So, how are you?” She asked cautiously, face turning serious again. She didn’t know if he was ready to talk about it, and she didn’t want to push him.

“I’ll survive.” Logan replied, leaving the _but she won’t_ left unsaid. “Storm’s heading out for a couple days. Back home I guess.” He looked like he was trying to figure out if Storm had ever actually told him where she was from.

“Oh.” Kitty didn’t want Storm to leave. Of all the teachers there, other than Xavier, she considered herself to be closest to Storm. She always had been.

“Look, you don’t need a babysitter,” He told her, “So I just thought I’d let you know. And ask if you could help watch over the younger kids.” She nodded. Classes were out, what else did she have to do? “But first,” He motioned to her bloodied knuckles, “Get that out of your system. Get out of the mansion. Take a few days to just get away.”

She raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Are you telling me to get out?” Kitty asked, amused.

Logan almost grinned. “Well, at least get some fresh air. Place like this, after a brawl like that can suffocate a person.” He looked around, and she knew that he was speaking from experience.

“Alright.” Kitty agreed. “I’ll get out for a few hours.”

He looked relieved almost. “Good. Just…” He paused, “Come back.” He looked at the ground, as if he were afraid that she—and the other students—would all just leave. After all that had happened it wasn’t beyond the realm of possibilities.

“I’ll be back.” Kitty promised.

XXXXXXXX

He couldn’t remember what they’d looked like or what had been said exactly, but he remembered the gist of it, the main object of their hatred, and he remembered agreeing with them. John hadn’t fought back, and it hadn’t been because he was helpless, it had been because he just hadn’t wanted to.

Pain. It was nothing anymore but another proof that his pathetic life hadn’t ended again. There was a cut on his forehead, near his left eyebrow. His nose was most likely broken, and his lip was bleeding. His vision was blurred by red, so he figured that there was a head injury he couldn’t feel yet too. And there were cuts and bruises, and forming cuts and bruises all over his body. Places he hadn’t even known he’d had now ached unbearably.

And the fucking rain! It hadn’t stopped yet, and it was making things worse. He was sore, broken, and he finally felt like himself again. He didn’t have fire, but he had pain, and that made it almost okay.

So there he stood, and she nearly walked through him again, this time on purpose. It wasn’t that Kitty didn’t see him standing there in the rain, she just saw him and hoped he wasn’t really there. And then she saw the state he was in and stopped, just froze in mid step.

She looked suspicious, then almost worried. “What…what happened to you?” Kitty asked.

John glanced up at her, wet hair clinging to his face from the rain, running wet with water and blood. He opened his mouth to speak and stopped when it hurt too much.

“Why are you here?” She asked, trying to sound angry, but despite her best efforts, Kitty Pryde sounded concerned. And of course she fucking was. She wasn’t a monster like him, now was she?

No, and that’s why John had come to her. That and the fact that she was the only person in the world who knew what he _wasn’t_ anymore.

“I…” He glared at the ground, hands bunching into fists. He didn’t want to say it, but he knew that she wouldn’t help him until he had. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

John expected to see a visible change in the look on her face, a softened expression or pity or anything but what he saw. She seemed cold, emotionless, unchanged by this admission.

“Tell me one thing.” Kitty said. “Did you deserve it?” John looked up at her, glared at her through the rain and blood. His look shouted hatred and annoyance, but if he refused to speak the truth now she would just walk away, and he had no one else to go to.

“I always do.” He muttered, and at this comment she _did_ soften the look on her face. It wasn’t pity, it was understanding.

“Come on.” She turned to head back towards the mansion, but John didn’t move.

“I don’t want anyone knowing I’m here yet.” He argued, though how she could help him while they were standing out in the rain was beyond him. Kitty glanced at him over her shoulder but didn’t stop walking.

“Relax.” She told him. “I can walk through walls.” He almost grinned, but it still hurt too much, so John decided to just follow her instead.

XXXXXXXX

He was a mess, worse than anyone she had ever seen before in her entire life. And it wasn’t just the physical wounds that made her glad that the worst she had were some busted knuckles, but the look of complete emotional deadness in his eyes.

John tried to seem angry, to seem like he still hated everyone and everything, but he couldn’t fool her. Kitty had gone to school with him too long to _not_ see he was pretending.

She was good at watching people, picking up on the little details about themselves that they weren’t even often aware of. And she’d watched John just like everyone else. The way he didn’t do a class assignment without complaining unless it was writing. The way he glanced at Bobby and Rogue, jealous, longing for some sort of true friendship that he could actually give back rather than just take. Kitty had noticed all of these things.

And she knew how hard it had been for him to admit to her what he had. The words still rang through her mind. “ _I don’t have anywhere else to go.”_ She had never in her right mind thought that John would admit that aloud, let alone to her.

But now, he sat at the end of her bed, staring into her mirror with dead eyes. Kitty looked at him sympathetically, wishing there was something she could do to fix his soul as well as the cuts on his body. But it wasn’t her place, and she didn’t like the idea of what it would take to fix someone like him.

He had changed into some clothes that one of the older students had left, so at least he wasn’t soaking wet from the cold rain anymore. But now the blood just ran down the last few streams of water on his skin, making him look all the more broken.

Here was Pyro, Magneto’s right hand man, looking almost like he was near tears—though he’d never admit it, and she would never point it out. Here he was, hidden from the rest of the school in her own room, and for his own safety, sadly. She didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Bobby found out he was here. There would be more blood.

Kitty sat down next to him on the bed and John flinched, started to back away. “I’m not going to hurt you.” She told him, careful to mask any sympathy with irritation. “Just hold still for one second.”

He winced when she started to clean the wound on his head; the cut he’d seen was actually much more worse than it felt once he’d been in front of a mirror. He hadn’t told her what had happened yet, and he didn’t plan to. Her pure altruism—though irritated it seemed—stopped him from admitting why he was so torn up.

And John would have argued that he could take care of the wounds by himself, that he didn’t need help from her of all people, but he knew that would be a complete lie.

She sighed once it was cleaned and placed his hand over the cloth to hold it there in place. “It needs stitches.” Kitty commented, standing up and heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“To get a first-aid kit.” She replied, walking through the door and out into the hallway.

He needed a lot more than a first-aid kit though. Even John knew that. He needed his soul torn out and scrubbed down with a rough sponge, then spit back into his body, and even then he wouldn’t be completely clean of all he had done and become. And all for an ideal that he still wasn’t completely sure he believed in.

John laid back on the bed, holding the cloth to his forehead gently, and closed his eyes. He was tired, so fucking exhausted. So when he fell asleep, it wasn’t exactly a surprise. And the dream he had—the repetitive memory, wasn’t a surprise either.

 

_The voices all around him. “—fucking mutant!”_

“— _burned my house down once!”_

“ _Hate you and—”_

_There’d been four, maybe five guys, all bigger than him. And he had recognized at least one. Maybe he had burned his house down, or torched his dog, or melted the tires on his car, whatever it was he couldn’t remember exactly. All John knew was that they were hitting him, and he wasn’t going to stop them. Maybe they’d end it all for him right then and there, the only true ‘cure’ he could ever have._

 

John's eyes snapped open and he sat up, hand rushing to his head. “Shit!” He snapped, glaring at Kitty, who looked unamused with a needle and first-aid thread in her hands.

“Just hold still.” She told him sharply, forcing him to lie back again. It almost surprised him how strong she was. “It’ll be over in a minute and _then_ you can act like a baby.”

For about the hundredth time, Kitty was mentally screaming at herself for a reason why she was helping him at all. He was the bad guy, and here she was nursing him back to health and letting him hide in her room—only for the moment though.

John glared at her as he held still. She was right, it only took a minute and then it was over. And as she cleaned up the mess, handing him a few band aids with a muttered “You can get the rest” he almost asked her _why_ she was helping him.

Maybe it was something they’d taught after he had left the school. The fucking good Samaritan rule he had always laughed at. Or maybe she just wanted him to heal so that she could try to provoke him into hitting her again. But it was the last possibility that both irritated and scared him—maybe she actually cared what happened to him.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Today's on fire  
The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered **”**

**~** Finch “What It Is to Burn” ~

**Chapter 4**

Kitty sighed, tucking her knees up under her chin as she watched him sleep. There was no way she was going to trust John for even a moment to sleep in the same room as him, no matter how exhausted she was. Yeah, he seemed helpless, lying there, breathing shallow from pain—she hadn’t been able to give him anything more than some Tylenol for that without having people ask questions—but he wasn’t anywhere near helpless.

Whatever had happened to the simple days where the only thing they had to worry about was their own powers? How had things gotten so twisted that the boy who had always tried to cheat off of her in chemistry was now her enemy, lying in her bed broken and bleeding? She pondered that, trying to find the exact moment when things had changed so drastically, when the little girl she’d been born as had died and given way to the present warrior who was still nothing but confused and trying to survive. And his voice jarred her from her thoughts.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” John told her, voice quiet, reserved. He didn’t want to show any real emotion through it. Especially when saying something like this, when making a promise he wasn’t sure he would keep.

“I know.” Kitty snapped quickly. “You couldn’t if you tried.”

John opened his eyes and looked at her. “So how is it that you ever get a boyfriend if you never let anyone touch you?” He asked, trying to provoke her.

“Who said I don’t have a boyfriend?” Kitty asked, getting downright irritated.

“Well the fact that you’re hiding me in your bed, not worried that someone will walk in at any moment sort of gives it away.” He replied sarcastically.

“As soon as you’re better, you’re gone.” Kitty told him sharply.

“No.” John said quietly, closing his eyes again. “I’ll be gone before that.” Her irritated glance turned to a sympathetic gaze. “Stop that.” John said angrily.

“Stop what?” She asked, completely confused at the look he gave her when he opened his eyes again and sat up.

“Feeling sorry for me.” John replied, glare intensifying. “I don’t want your pity.”

“Well what _do_ you want?” She asked.

That was a loaded question. And she half expected a vulgar response, something perverted at the least. So when he answered the way he did, Kitty was surprised, to say the least.

“I don’t know.” He looked at the floor when he said it. Admitting it aloud hurt more than _not_ telling anyone.

John could have answered a million different ways, could have confirmed all of her nasty opinions of him and his dirty mind. He could have been violent, pretended that he just wanted her dead. Or he could have just ignored her. But he was so fucking tired, and the words spoke themselves nearly.

He sighed, lying back down on his side, wincing slightly from the pain of moving bruised—possibly broken—ribs. John looked at Kitty and watched her try to think of a response. But he’d given her an unexpected answer, and she actually didn’t know how to reply.

“Why did you leave?” Kitty asked suddenly, feeling the need to change the subject.

His eyes narrowed as he wondered if she really wanted to know or if she was playing a game with him. “I’ve got a whole list of reasons, Kitten.” John replied snapping a bit.

“Don’t call me that.” She said, clearly irritated.

“Why not?” He grinned slightly, then touched his thumb to his lip to see that he’d just opened the cut again and it was bleeding now. John sat up again, reaching for a tissue to hold to his lip. “We used to call you that all the time.”

Kitty looked at the floor. They had. It had been her nickname back when she’d first moved into the school. That and ‘Sprite’ mostly because she was so short. But things had changed, and she wasn’t that little girl anymore.

“And we used to call you Johnny.” She pointed out, getting a glare from him that made her smile. “You never answered my question.” She pointed out.

“What, you want the whole fucking list?” He asked sharply. “I had my reasons for leaving. Now drop it.”

He wasn’t just defensive, he was downright angry. And it sort of scared Kitty. She had to keep reminding herself that she was completely safe though—more than most would be—because he couldn’t touch her unless she let him.

“I didn’t believe Bobby when he told me.” Kitty commented, thinking back. She hadn’t either. And who would want to? He had been their friend.

“Bobby.” John muttered bitterly. “How is the Iceman?” He asked.

Kitty looked up at him, eyes narrowing. “Better than you.”

“Well apparently!” He yelled. “He’s not the one who’s been fucking ‘cured’, now is he!?”

“Shut up!” Kitty said, standing up quickly. “People will hear you!”

“Let them hear me.” He added, though his voice was quieter this time, a bit more calm even. “What are they going to do, kill me?”

“If that’s what it takes.” Kitty answered honestly. “But I…” She hesitated. Did she really want to say what she was about to? It might make her look weak. “I don’t want it to come to that.” John raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. “Too many people have died already.” She looked at the floor, avoiding his eyes.

There was an awkward pause, complete silence that seemed to creep into their ears and rip them apart from the inside out. And then John spoke with a voice so low she barely heard him.

“I’m sorry about the Professor.”

Kitty didn’t look up, but he could see the tears forming in her eyes. John wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her until she stopped crying. He hated it when women cried like that. It tugged at what few heartstrings he had left, reminding him that, yeah, he did still feel.

Kitty wiped her tears away with a quiet sniffle. “It wasn’t your fault.” She almost wished she _could_ blame him, but she knew she couldn’t.

John sat up, back against the head of her bed by the wall, and looked down at the burn on his hand. “I hate this.” He commented.

He hated everything that was happening. The way he was ‘cured’ and the way she was sitting over there crying over someone he had never really liked to begin with but had respected enough to actually be sorry about his death. He hated how he could feel his burnt skin getting ready to peal. He hated the feeling that just being there gave him, the false idea that maybe he was actually safe there. And he hated that he cared at all. But mostly he hated that she could actually understand. That she knew what he was going through, at least in some small degree, and that she was trying to help him.

“I don’t like you being here anymore than you do.” Kitty reminded him. “But I couldn’t leave you out there.” They both glanced at the window and watched the rain patter softly against the window. “That would have made me…” She paused.

“Too much like me.” John finished for her.

“You’re not as bad a person as you think you are.” Kitty pointed out, looking right at him.

He glared at her. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, what I’ve done. So stop pretending like you know me!”

“There was a time I did.” She spoke calmly, seemingly ignoring his angry outburst.

“You never knew me. You never cared.” His reply was bitter.

“I _did_.” Kitty argued, and the past tense did not go unnoticed by either of them. It was a true statement. “I almost cried when I found out you were gone for good.” He glanced at her in surprise, though he carefully tried to hide it. “I was sad, angry, mostly disappointed.” Her words bit into him the way an ice pick breaks through ice, sharp and leaving their jagged marks for good.

“Yeah, well my goal wasn’t to make _you_ proud.” He snapped in response.

“It’s a good thing.” Kitty replied, still keeping her voice calm. “Because you’ve done anything _but_ that.”

“Is there a point to this stupid conversation?” He asked. “Are you trying to see if I feel any guilt or something? Because if you are, let me save you the trouble and just tell you now—I’m not.”

“I don’t believe that.” She said simply, and when he started to argue, she wouldn’t let him. “Now shut up and get some sleep. You can’t heal if you keep running your mouth.” He glared at her one last time, then closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

“[Personality is born out of pain. It is the **fire** shut up in the flint.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/personality_is_born_out_of_pain-it_is_the_fire/209848.html) **”**

**~** Unknown ~

**Chapter 5**

Not again. Kitty watched the news flash out before her eyes on the TV, and her heart stopped again, just like it had when they had announced the ‘cure’. Only this was worse. So much worse.

“Doctors have confirmed that the source of the virus is an altered version of the so called ‘Mutant Cure’. Though it has only affected a few mutants so far, they expect it to spread very quickly.” The newswoman was reporting. And the kids just sat their in the lounge and watched, some of them crying, because they knew this was going to get bad. “There is no confirmed report on exactly where this new virus has come from or _who_ created it yet.”

Kitty stood up and started walking out of the room, but Bobby stopped her, grabbing her arm gently. “Hey.” His voice was quiet, and she knew it was because he didn’t want to scare the others with whatever he was about to say. “Rogue got the cure.”

She hadn’t known that. Bobby and Rogue had seemed closer the last few weeks, but she’d never guessed that maybe it was because they actually _were_ closer. And Kitty wondered how she hadn’t picked up on that. Maybe, because she was spending too much time watching Peter rather than Bobby anymore.

“She…when?” Kitty asked.

“That night we were at Alcatraz.” Bobby answered. Okay, now that made sense. That was why she hadn’t noticed. She’d come home and cried for hours in her room, just trying to forget what had happened on that island. She hadn’t been paying attention to anyone else.

Kitty looked at Bobby. “Does she know about the virus?”

“Not yet.” He explained. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He stood up and led her out of the room and into the hallway where they didn’t have to be so quiet. “I don’t want her to worry.” _About me_. He didn’t say it, but Kitty knew it was what he was thinking; what he meant.

She nodded. “Okay, I won’t say anything.” Not that she saw Rogue or Bobby or most of the other students that often anymore anyway. She was too busy hanging out in her room with John, trying to make sure he didn’t try to jump out of the window and kill himself or attack the other students. Why she couldn’t just tell him to leave, she still didn’t know. But he was still healing, and she had promised to help him until he no longer needed it.

“Thank you.” Bobby said, giving her a slight smile. She tried to return it, but she just felt sick to her stomach after the news they’d just received about this new virus. And so Kitty settled for nodding her head and turning to leave.

XXXXXXXX

“What’s wrong?” Those were the first words out of John’s mouth when she closed her bedroom door behind her. Kitty paused before turning around to face him. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

“There’s uh…” Her voice caught in her throat, and he just sat there like the bastard he was, completely indifferent to how hard this was for her, waiting for her to continue. “There’s a virus…” She continued.

“Oh, right.” John replied. “That.”

“You know about it?” She looked around the room, wondering how in the hell he’d found out if he hadn’t left the room and no one had come in but her.

“You _do_ have the internet.” He reminded her a bit sarcastically, thumb pointing towards the computer on her desk in the corner. “And as I have nothing better to do…” He sighed, looking frustrated. He wasn’t laying in the bed anymore. He’d refused to stay laying down all day even though she’d explained that it was the only way to get well. And from the look of pain he gave without meaning to, she suspected that maybe he’d even tried to exercise or something, despite the common sense of it all.

“Well you’re lucky.” She commented, sitting on the end of the bed. “You being cured probably saved your life.”

“I’d rather be dead.” He snapped bitterly, glaring out the window.

Kitty rolled her eyes. “Right, because you’re nothing now that you’re…” He grabbed her so quickly and thrown her up against the wall, holding her there by the collar of her shirt, that Kitty didn’t have time to phase.

“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” John said, his voice dangerously serious. He looked right into her eyes, his own flared with anger and hatred and fear. He was breathing so heavy she could actually see him wince in pain as his chest moved.

“Put me down.” Kitty told him, trying to match his tone of voice. “Now.” She could have phased through him, but for some reason she wanted John to pull away _without_ her using her powers. Maybe it would show him that he didn’t need his powers. Or maybe she just needed to know that she didn’t need hers either.

He looked at her for a moment. “John.” His glare intensified, and he looked right into her eyes. She saw something staring back at her through those eyes. Sadness? Anger? She wasn’t sure.

And then he pulled away and let her go. “Don’t call me that.” John replied bitterly, nearly whispering.

“It’s your name.” Kitty reminded him quietly. “Isn’t it?”

“Not for a very long time.” He replied, slumping down to the floor near the wall. He stared at the other wall, eyes blank.

“We can’t keep doing this.” Kitty commented, and John looked up at her. “You hiding in my room, pretending you’re not in pain,” He looked at the floor, “and me, hiding you from everyone. And the constant arguing.” She sighed. “It’s tiring, and it’s the last thing I need right now.”

“I’ll go.” He stood up carefully and started walking towards the door.

“No.” Kitty moved in front of him, blocking the door. “I don’t want you here, but you need to be better before you leave. I don’t want your death on my hands when there was something I could have done.” That was why he was still there, right?

He looked at her for a moment. “You think I’ll die from these stupid bruises?” He asked, scoffing.

“No.” Kitty admitted. “But don’t think I’m too stupid to know how you got them.” His face changed to something that almost resembled fear.

“You…”

“Oh come on, John!” He looked disgusted at the use of his name. “There are hundreds of people in this city that know your face and your standing at Magneto’s side. It makes sense that they’d want to get back at you when you’re defenseless.”

“Shut up.” He muttered.

“It’s true though, isn’t it?” He didn’t reply. “I knew it.” Kitty replied. John looked over at her, and he expected to see her smiling about it, but she didn’t look happy at all. “I’m sorry.” Kitty whispered.

“Yeah, well don’t be.” He snapped.

Kitty scoffed. “See, you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” He asked, looking almost irritated.

“Turning every conversation into an argument.” Kitty explained. She sighed and walked over to sit by him, and he fought the urge to jump up and run away. And it was against her better judgment to stay sitting there, so close to one of the people who had tried to kill her many times before.

She thought for a moment. “Tell me something about you, something you’ve never told anyone.”

John looked at her in disbelief. “Are you serious?” She nodded, and he actually laughed. “That’s fucking stupid.”

“Fine.” Kitty snapped, standing up and starting for the door. “I thought maybe that for a few minutes you could at least pretend to…”

“The end.” She paused and turned around, giving him a questioning look. “I hate it when writers finish their books with ‘the end.’” He told her, and Kitty relaxed a little. “I mean, a good story is never truly over.”

Wow. She hadn’t seen that one coming. Maybe he was more than fire and brimstone and cold glares and rude comments. Kitty didn’t even know how to reply.

“Now you.” He said, giving her a slight smile as he ignored the cut on his lip. He loved seeing her all surprised like that, shocked even. “I said something, now what’s something you’ve never told anyone?”

She snapped out of the shock of his answer and thought for a moment, taking a seat on the end of her bed again. “I…well, I was always a little afraid of Nightcrawler.” Kitty told him.

“Big blue circus freak, right?” John asked, and she nodded. “Yeah, that was one weird looking mutant.” Kitty laughed quietly, and he actually smiled again.

As they continued to have what had to be their first real conversation in years, smiles and scattered laughter, the rain outside seemed to pour even harder. There was a storm coming, one that neither of them wanted to think about at the moment.

 


	6. Chapter 6

“[The burnt child fears the **fire**](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the_burnt_child_fears_the/161639.html) **”**

**~** American Proverb ~

**Chapter 6**

“Hey, Kitty?” She opened her eyes at the sound of John’s voice, blinking them drowsily.

“John, it’s like two in the morning. What do you want?” She sat up slightly in the chair and looked at him, trying to get her eyes to focus.

He gave her a slight smile. “Damn, you’re not a morning person.”

“It’s only been morning for _two_ hours!” She pointed out, getting irritated. “Now, what do you want?”

Things had changed. The tone of voice that would have once been complete hatred and disappointment was now nothing more than mild irritation. It was amazing what one conversation, a few laughs, and a revealed secret could do to a relationship between two people. Especially one as twisted as theirs.

He stood up slowly—she could tell his cuts and bruises were still giving him nearly unbearable pain, but he was good at hiding it for the most part. “I was just thinking that you should probably sleep in your own bed.”

She scoffed. “If you think for even a moment that I’m going to get into bed with you then…”

“Nah. I’d never do that.” He said quickly, slightly amused by her reaction, and even more amused by the odd look of disappointment on her face. “I’m fine on the floor.” He grabbed the thin blanket she kept on top of her comforter and snagged one of her pillows, laying them down on the floor beside the wall.

Kitty looked at him in disbelief. “Honestly, it’s okay.” John told her. “I’ve slept on worse.” He probably had. There was an awkward moment, during which he was afraid she might ask where and why, and then it passed and she nodded, making her way over to the bed.

It felt strange to lie in her own bed after a few nights of uncomfortable sleep in the chair next to it. It almost felt like it wasn’t quite hers anymore, like she didn’t belong there. Kitty rolled onto her side and laughed at what she saw. “What are you doing?” She asked, clearly amused.

John, who was now lying under the bed, popped his head out from under it and grinned up at her. “Sleeping. What about you?”

“Under my bed?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s comfortable.” He argued. “Nice and cool, and it’s not like I have to worry about you weighing the bed down too much.” He motioned towards her body. “Used to sleep under beds all the time when I was a kid.”

“Why?” Kitty asked, and though the smile lingered on her face as she looked down at him, her voice was serious.

He thought about it for a moment. “It’s safe.” John finally answered, seeming satisfied with the answer.

“You feel safe in small dark places?” Kitty asked him.

“When I have control over the situation, yes.” John replied. “Now if I couldn’t get out real quick if I needed to, that would be a problem.”

“You’re one of the strangest people I know.” She said, laughing. “And look at the people I hang out around.” She added. “That’s saying a lot…”

“Oh yeah?” He asked. “Well, your face is getting red.” He said, as if it were some major insult. Kitty could feel the blood rushing to her face now that he mentioned it.

She laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and he moved his head back under the bed, eyes closed. After a few minutes of silence, she was the one that broke the quiet. “John?”

He cringed at the use of his name, but answered to it anyway. “Yeah?” He stayed under the bed though, eyes opening to stare upwards where she laid.

“If I get this virus…”

He snapped at her before she could finish the sentence. “Shut up.” And there it was; his cold, harsh reaction to everything. “You’re not going to get it.”

“But if I do…” She continued, pausing this time to see if he would interrupt her again. He didn’t. “Well, I’ll need you to do something for me.”

“I’m not going to promise to tell your parents how much you fucking loved them or something, Kitten, so forget it.” He replied, still snappish.

She ignored the use of her childhood nickname completely, lost in thoughts of horrible possibilities. “No, that’s not what I was going to ask.”

In the dark, John looked up curiously. “Oh yeah? What were you going to ask?”

A pause. And then Kitty spoke quietly, sadly. “Will you try to come back?”

He looked up at the underside of the mattress in disbelief. “What the fuck are you talking about?” John asked, voice raised in frustration.

She sighed, then phased through the bed to lay next to him. John, not expecting it, jumped back in surprise, trying to move away from her so that she’d have enough room to lay without having to lay all the fuck over him.

Kitty stared up at her bed and didn’t say anything for a while. And John just watched her, both curious and irritated. He’d actually laid under the bed so that he could forget where he was. And this wasn’t helping at all.

“To the X-Men.” Kitty finally said in answer to his question.

John opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again, not so much in shock but fear for what he would say in reply. “They don’t want me here.” He finally said. “And I was never an X-man anyway. Never part of the damn team.” He sighed, staring back up at the bed.

They both looked up at it for the longest time, laying there in the dark and silence. “I’m just a kid.” Kitty said after a while. His eyes turned to look at her, and he could barely see the shape of her face in the dark. “I didn’t ask to come here and be a part of all of this.”

“No one ever does.” He commented bitterly.

“I used to get headaches.” She explained, still staring upwards. “Migraines from hell, and I was afraid, because I thought I was dying or something.”

“What was causing them?” John asked.

“My power.” She turned her head to look at him when she said it. “I hated being a mutant, wanted to deny that I was. And then I thought, ‘hey, this is kind of neat. I can walk through walls’.” Kitty told him. “But then I realized one day that life without walls is chaos.”

“What does this have to do with you asking me to come back?” He asked.

“Death’s the only wall I can’t phase through, John.” He didn’t even react to it this time. “It’s the only thing that can touch me and have a lasting affect even if I don’t want it to, and I’m afraid of it.” Kitty bit her lip—he saw the movement in the dark and recognized it right away as she had a habit of doing it all day without even realizing it.

“And I’d just like to know that maybe,” She looked back up at the bed, “Maybe in the end I actually did something right, something that will last.”

He was damn glad it was too dark for her to see the look on his face. It was pathetic, all grateful and hopeful but hesitant and afraid at the same time. “Don’t make me your stupid ‘project’.” He snapped, trying to regain the upper hand in the conversation and make her think he was nothing but irritated with her.

“Besides,” John added, “You’re not going to get the virus, so this is all bullshit anyways.”

Oddly, his snappy replies and cold comments gave Kitty comfort in that moment. She knew she was in as much risk as any other mutant of getting the virus.

“It’s always one thing or another.” Kitty commented, and she sounded exhausted. John realized then that yeah, she was just a kid. But then so was he, wasn’t he? If you could count the tattered childhood he had suffered through as something real.

“Kitty, get some sleep.” He told her, still sounding annoyed. John even faked a yawn for affect.

She sighed and sat up through her bed, pulling herself back up onto it.

 


	7. Chapter 7

“[When the house is on **fire** good girls have to get out as well as the bad ones](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/when_the_house_is_on_fire_good_girls_have_to_get/157512.html)”

**~**  [John Pierpont Morgan](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/john_pierpont_morgan/) ~

**Chapter 7**

 

It was starting to show. John didn’t need to leave Kitty’s room to see how the virus was affecting the school. The look on her face, the way it changed and became ever more hopeless and despairing each day told him everything he needed to know. But she wouldn’t talk about it.

He was nearly healed—minus those few damned ribs that were still giving him some trouble—and he was getting restless. But for some reason he felt the need to stay for a while. Even if only to make sure nothing _too_ bad happened.

And besides, where else did he have to go?

He glanced over at her desk, whereon sat her computer as well as some of her schoolbooks. John had no idea where Kitty was presently, but she’d been gone for hours, and he knew her classes weren’t that long. He wasn’t worried, just aware of her absence.

Standing up carefully, he walked over to the desk, his hand reaching down for the single candle she kept near the wall. Kitty had tried to light it one night and he’d snapped at her before she could strike the match. No more fire for him. None. Because if he saw it again, and he couldn’t control it, that would break him completely.

But now he needed the light. He wanted something that was warm and glowing and comforting, and fire had always been all of those things to him. He wanted to stop worrying who she would tell him had gotten the virus now. And it wasn’t so much that he actually cared about the people she informed him were sick and dying, it was the look on her face again, the way she reacted if she was closer to one of them than the others.

It bothered him when she was sad, and it bothered him even more that it bothered him at all. But there was nothing he could do about it now. He cared, and there was no denying that. He just wouldn’t tell anyone, and hopefully it would pass.

But why shouldn’t he care? She had taken him in and helped him when the world had spat in his face and told him to fuck off. She’d talked with him when she’d still hated him, and she’d forgiven him when she had started not to hate him. Kitty Pryde was, in every sense of the word, his friend.

He had never had a real friend before. Sure, he’d hung out with Bobby and Rogue before, but as much as those two had liked to think, he wasn’t all that interested in spending time with them. Rogue was always whining and Bobby just got on his nerves.

John looked down at the candle again, his hand still hovering over it. And he reached for the matches with his other hand. Did he really want to do this? Yes. He needed to. So, John lit the candle.

The fire hissed and sparked into a tiny flame, and his eyes filled with both admiration and pain. Outside it had finally stopped raining, but he wished it hadn’t. If the sun was out it made it harder for him to always be pathetically sad. If the sun was out, then things didn’t look so bad anymore.

He wanted the rain back.

John jumped when Kitty walked through the door. He still wasn’t quite used to her doing that. “Where have you been?” He asked, turning to look at her.

She looked tired, aged almost. This virus was wearing her out and she didn’t even have it. Kitty sat on the edge of her bed and looked at the floor, eyes empty and cold.

“I’ve been in the med rooms, helping.” Kitty finally answered, and her voice reflected everything that the look on her face was telling him.

John thought for a moment on how to respond to that. “Well, get some sleep.” He said. “You look like shit.”

Kitty looked up at him. “There’s so many now.” She said sadly. “And there’s no way to stop it.”

He was about to tell her some lie about how it would all go away soon, then thought better of it. It just wasn’t in his personality to comfort someone. To lie, yes, but to do so in order to comfort someone. Hell no. So, he just watched the candle burn instead. She hadn’t even noticed it yet.

They both jumped this time when someone barged right into the room, slamming the door behind them. “Kitty, they need you bac…” Jubilee froze, eyes locking onto John. Her hands came together and she started creating her “fireworks” immediately.

“It’s okay.” Kitty said, standing up in front of John, holding her hand out towards Jubilee to let her know he wouldn’t hurt her.

“You do know who that is, right?” She asked, looking at him in disgust.

“He’s not going to do anything.” Kitty assured her friend, and she sounded so tired it was almost sad. John could see it in her eyes, the way she held her body up to stand almost as if she didn’t have enough strength to do so.

“That’s what the Professor used to say!” Jubilee argued, charging her “fireworks” again.

John just watched the sparks between her hands indifferently. He wasn’t afraid of her. The most she could do was a little zap, right? And if she could do more, well he didn’t really care either way. Pain was pain.

“How long have you been hiding him in here!?” Jubilee demanded, voice raising a bit. She looked horrified, like Kitty had betrayed her. Which, okay, maybe in a lot of ways she had.

“He’s not going to hurt anyone!” Kitty snapped, seeming to wake up from the exhausted daze. “So just calm down!” She was being defensive—something he’d only ever seen her do at the battle of Alcatraz.

“He was with _Magneto_!” Jubilee argued, taking a step forward. Kitty backed up towards John, eyes on Jubilee, the dark look on her face daring the other girl to attempt anything.

“You need to listen to me very carefully.” Kitty told her with a voice that was unusually calm. “He needed help, he came to me. I couldn’t— _wouldn’t_ —leave him out there bleeding and broken.”

“Hey, I wasn’t…” Kitty raised her hand towards John and he shut his mouth without finishing the argument.

“That’s what we do.” Kitty explained, eyes still keeping a close watch on Jubilee. “We help people.”

Jubilee thought for a moment, glaring at John. “Fine.” She said, turning her attention back to Kitty, who relaxed a bit. “I suppose you want me to keep this a secret and all?”

“Yes.” Kitty replied.

“Hell, I don’t care if you tell…” Kitty gave John an irritated look. “Doesn’t matter to me if I’m caught.” He said, standing up. He studied Jubilee for a moment. “Like they’d believe you anyway, though. You haven’t changed much. You’re still annoying.” He said with a smirk.

“Hey, you shut up right now or…” Jubilee’s hands sparked again.

“Or what?” John asked, his voice dark and dangerous.

Kitty looked at Jubilee. “Get out.” She said quietly, that exhausted tone of voice coming back. “Please.” She added. “I’ll tell them, I promise. But please just go for now.”

Jubilee glanced at John, then looked at Kitty. “Be careful.” And that said, Jubilee turned and left them there in Kitty’s room.

Kitty turned around and looked at John. “Why do you always have to do that?” She asked, the exhausted look returning. Her body was sagging, like she’d fall to the ground if she didn’t get some sleep. “Why do you have to provoke everyone when there’s no reason for it?”

Kitty wanted to sound angry, but she just didn’t have the strength. Nor the will. Tired was the overstatement of the century when it came to how she felt in that moment. She just wanted to fall to her bed and sleep forever. But she needed his answer first.

“That bitch always got on my nerves back when…” John paused and looked at Kitty’s face. It was blank. “Lay down for a while.” He told her, motioning towards the bed.

Kitty sighed, glanced at the bed, and considered actually doing what he’d said. Then she looked back at him. “Answer the question, John.” He had decided a few days before that it was in fact alright if his given name was used, but only by her.

There were a few different ways he could answer that question. He knew that, and she knew it too. “I uh…” John glanced at the bed again.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I’m not sure why I expected an actual answer.”

“Hey, I was going to—”

“Save it.” Kitty said quickly.

“What the hell is your problem?” He asked, giving her an irritated look.

“My problem?” Kitty looked at him, glared at him actually. “My problem is that today, I watched one of the kids I’ve known since the 5th grade die from a virus that was created for genocide and there was nothing I could do to stop it!” She yelled. “My problem is that whoever did create this damned virus is somewhere right now being very pleased with themselves! Kids are dying, John!” She was breathing heavy when she paused, staring at him. And he didn’t know how to reply.

“This is so much worse than anything we’ve ever faced before.” Kitty added, her voice calmer though she still couldn’t control her breathing all that well. “And you, you stay in this room, and you don’t have to see what’s going on around you!” She continued, and since she obviously needed to vent, John let her keep talking.

“We lost Dr. Grey, and we lost the Professor, but this…this is just…it’s too much!” There were tears in her eyes now, and he couldn’t tell if they were from anger or fear. “I can’t stay here.” She added suddenly, looking around the room in panic.

“What are you talking about?” John asked.

“I need to leave. Right now.” She reached for her jacket, and his hand was the only thing that stopped her. Right there, resting on her wrist, the first time he’d touched anyone in a long time without the intention of doing them serious harm.

“Calm the fuck down.” He said quietly, looking into her eyes. Tears were falling down her cheeks now. John wanted to say something to help her feel better, but he couldn’t think of anything that would do any good.

Kitty looked away, and his hand fell right through her wrist. “Don’t ever touch me again.” She said bitterly, heading for the door.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

"There was thunder, there was lightning, there was wind, there was rain, there was fire, there was crying - it was something like all hell has broken loose."

**~**  Eddie Ho ~

**Chapter 8**

 

She was alone at last. Kitty had run through every wall the school had, and she had ignored everyone who asked where she was going or tried to stop her. She was glad that John hadn’t followed her. The last thing she needed was him and his arrogant, don’t-give-a-damn comments.

Now, in the small woods surrounding Xavier’s school, Kitty Pryde fell to her knees, breathing heavy from running. And the sobbing began. Her entire body trembled with it as she cried.

In all the years she’d known the X-Men, she had never once felt this helpless and afraid. All she wanted was to go back home and be normal again. Maybe become a dancer or a computer programmer, but not this, not this pathetic, lost little girl who was trying to appear as if she were stronger than she was.

Her throat was starting to hurt as she wept, but Kitty ignored the discomfort and didn’t bother to try to stop. She needed this, this release or whatever the hell it was. And even so, she knew it would do no good in the end.

He was going to die.

That realization hit her so hard she nearly fell over. And the weeping continued, her chest hurting as she heaved. It hurt so much to know what she knew. She had seen the virus from stage one to the end. The _Legacy_ Virus they were calling it. But a legacy was something you handed down to a future generation, not a process to eliminate them.

She hadn’t wanted to believe it when he’d told her. No, she hadn’t wanted to see the truth, what had so plainly slapped her in the face days before when she’d started to notice him weaken.

“Take anyone.” She muttered through sobs. “Take anyone, but not him.” She was a teenager, what did she know about love? Enough to know that Peter Rasputin meant more to her than anyone ever had.

And now he was going to die.

He had told her not to worry, to just forget about him and help the others. But how could she not worry? She wished she could take the pain for him, could put herself into his place.

She hadn’t told John, because she hadn’t wanted to admit it aloud. Not yet. But now, alone, there was no denying it. The tears were falling down her face as she tried to calm herself down and failed.

Eventually, the tears began to slow, and Kitty sat up, staring at the ground. She felt numb. What was there to feel anymore? He was going to die, and she’d never get the chance to show him how much she really cared.

XXXXXXXX

John didn’t ask where she’d run off to. He didn’t want to know. He already had some idea of _why_ , so the where wasn’t really important. So he just waited, waited for her to come back.

She did. Eventually. Two, maybe three hours later. And she was a mess. More than before. Kitty didn’t say anything. She just laid down on her bed, and then she phased through it, laying underneath it.

“You okay?” He asked quietly.

When she didn’t answer he crawled underneath the bed and laid down next to her, following her empty gaze to the bed above.

“You were wrong.” Kitty told him, eyes still staring up blankly. “There is an end to every story.”

He turned his head to look at her. Was she sick? Did she have the virus? John didn’t dare ask, and he silently cursed himself for wondering at all. Because he was caring again.

“What happened?” He finally asked her, watching her face for anything that would give it away before she even spoke. But, she did a good job of hiding whatever she was feeling. Or maybe it was just that she was too tired to show any emotion at the moment. He wasn’t sure.

Kitty, not really up for talking about what she had just wept over, turned her face to look at him. Even in the shadows the bed above cast she could see the slightly concerned look on his face, and she noticed how he tried to hide it.

“That night, when you showed up all beaten,” He winced at her recollection, “I just wanted to walk through you and forget about you.”

“That’s something you don’t hear every day.” He muttered.

“And when you said that you deserved it,” She continued, “I tried to believe you.” He gave her a look of confusion. “But I couldn’t.” She glanced back up at the bed, mostly to avoid seeing that look in his eyes—the one that told her he was really listening.

“It’s not the type of person you are.” He concluded.

“That’s not it.” Kitty said, closing her eyes for a moment. She sighed. “I just want to go home.”

He wanted to reach out and do something, hug her maybe. He wasn’t sure exactly, but he wanted to comfort her, give her the idea that, even if it wasn’t completely true, things would get better. But the sound of her sharp voice playing over and over in his head like an old vinyl record stopped him.

“ _Don’t ever touch me again.”_

He opened his mouth to say something, he hadn’t even been really sure of exactly what, but was interrupted by her bedroom door flying open.

“Where the fuck is he!?”

Kitty stood up immediately, phasing through the bed. “Bobby!” She said, just as surprised to see him as John was to hear his voice. Bobby glared at her, gave her a warning glance that said he wasn’t playing around.

“Where is he!?” He demanded again.

“What are you talking about?” Kitty asked him. This was honestly the very last thing she needed. She just wanted to lie under the bed and forget about the world, but Bobby had a way of ruining things for her sometimes—her reason for not ending up with him ultimately.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about!” He yelled. “Where’s Pyro!”

“Now that,” John moved out from under the bed and stood up, “Is a name I haven’t heard for a while.”

Bobby looked at John, then back at Kitty, and she could tell by the look on his face that he had been hoping it wasn’t true. And now that he knew it was, he felt more than betrayed.

The ice flew though the air so fast that Kitty was barely able to grab John’s arm in time to make it phase through both of them. Bobby stared in disbelief as the wall behind them froze in a matter of seconds.

“No.” He told her, completely furious with the entire situation. “No, you get away from him! Stop protecting him!” Kitty moved to stand in fighter’s stance just like she had with Jubilee.

“Bobby, stop it!” She yelled.

“Get out of my way!” Bobby screamed, both hands held out in front of him, ready to freeze the hell out of John. “He’s dangerous!”

“No, he’s not!” Kitty argued, and those words bit at John’s soul. She reached around her back and pushed him back towards the wall as she took a step backwards.

“He’s killed people!” Bobby yelled. “Now get the hell away from him!”

“No! He’s cured!” Kitty shouted.

“I don’t give a damn!” Bobby told her as he lunged towards them. Kitty, having not expected him to strike out against her, hadn’t phased through him and was thrown to the side, hitting the ground hard enough to knock the breath out of her.

Both Bobby and John looked over at her with wide eyes, waiting for her response. She sat up slowly, catching her breath—which was a bit painful—and looked at Bobby, eyes narrowing. She stood up gradually, favoring her right side where she had landed.

“Kitty, I didn’t mean to…” She glared at Bobby and he stopped his apology.

“Bobby, get out of here.” Kitty told him, and the exhausted tone of voice had returned. He looked at John, gave him a warning glance, then looked back at Kitty.

“I’ll be back for him.” He told her before reluctantly leaving the room. She locked the door behind him, then slumped down onto the floor in front of it.

“Are you okay?” John asked, walking over to her cautiously. She was still holding her side, trying to make it seem like it was normal to do so, like she wasn’t trying to make the pain go away.

“I’m fine.” She told him quietly.

He leaned down to her level, unsure of what to do next. “Stand up.” He told her, and Kitty reluctantly did so. But, when he reached for her shirt and started lifting it up his hands phased right through her.

“What the hell are you doing!?” She demanded, glaring at him.

“Calm down.” He snapped. “I’m not trying to take advantage of you, okay? I just want to see if you broke some ribs.” She looked at him, unsure for a moment, and then nodded.

John carefully lifted her shirt up a bit, stopping at the top of her ribs—respectably—and inspected the bruise that was already forming. His fingers touched lightly to see if the bones were out of place, and she pulled away. John looked up, surprised to see a smile on her face.

“That tickled.” Kitty told him.

He gave her a slight smile, relaxing now that he knew she was okay. “Put some ice on it and you’ll be fine.” John told her. She didn’t dare ask how he was such an expert on injury, because she already knew the answer.

“I didn’t think Bobby would try anything like that.” Kitty admitted, suddenly looking a bit embarrassed.

“Yeah, well Bobby’s an asshole.” John muttered. “I’ve been saying it for years, but no one seems to…” He paused, looking at her. “Why’d you do it?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t think it was fair for him to fight you without your powers.” Kitty told him. That wasn’t exactly the entire truth, but it was all she was willing to admit.

“I’m not fucking defenseless!” John snapped, glaring at her.

“I never said you were.” She replied, a bit irritated by his tone. She’d just saved him and he was yelling at her. How fucked up was that? “I just wanted to help…”

“I don’t need your help!” He yelled, and behind them the small candle on her desk flared up. They both glanced over at it in shock.

Kitty turned her face back to look at John, eyes wide. “Did you just…?” He nodded his head, looking just as surprised as she was.

 


	9. Chapter 9

“[For profit is the No. 1 cause. Then there's **revenge** , retaliation and now ...terrorism. You still have your traditional **fire** -setting just for thrills.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/for-profit-is-the-no-cause-then-there-s-revenge/526507.html)”

**~**   [David Ziegler](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/david_ziegler/) ~

 

**Chapter 9**

He couldn’t breathe. John stood there, staring at the candle, watching the way the tiny flame moved in an almost liquid wave. He was alive, for the first time since he’d lost his powers. John glanced at Kitty, and then took off running out of the room.

“John!” She screamed, following after him. Running through the hallways students looked at him, shocked and scared, moving aside to let him through. Kitty simply ran through them, not bothering to apologize as she tried to catch up with him. “John, wait!”

But he kept running, running hard and faster than he ever had before. He practically broke down the side doors to the school as he took off towards the surrounding woods, stopping only when he came to familiar ground. Then, he began searching the ground frantically.

“John, what are you doing!?” Kitty asked, finally caught up with him.

He reached down and picked it up. It felt odd to hold his lighter after all this time. How long had it been? A few weeks? He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t really care. John turned his face and looked at Kitty, showing her the lighter in his hand.

She looked at it for a moment, as if trying to decide whether she should be afraid or not. And then she gave him that cute little half smile he didn’t mind seeing. She laughed, still out of breath.

“You left it out here?”

He brushed some dried mud off of the lid. “Didn’t need it.” John had thought he would never need it again. He just hadn’t wanted it around, a constant reminder of what he wasn’t able to do anymore. But now…

He flicked it open, then hesitated. What if it was a fluke? What if the wind just happened to pick up and make the flame seem to react? He was afraid to try.

“What is it?” Kitty asked, watching him carefully. She’d finally caught her breath and was thus giving her full attention to the look on his face.

“I…” No. Fuck no. He wasn’t admitting his fear out loud. She already knew too much about his few vulnerabilities. He looked at her.

Kitty walked over to him, placing her hand around his, and placed his thumb on the trigger. “Go ahead.” She said quietly, keeping her hand there. For moral support? Hell, he didn’t know, but he didn’t argue.

John paused, looking at it for a moment, and then he flicked the lighter on. He let it stay the way it was for a moment, and then raised his other hand and the flame jumped onto his palm. It didn’t burn, it didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt damn good.

Kitty let go of his hand and moved aside to give him some room. “Just don’t burn down the school.” She said, giving him that half smile again.

He almost laughed. It was fucking wonderful! There he was, flame in his hand, controlling it again, and for once someone was encouraging him, not telling him to subdue his power and be normal again. He hadn’t had that since Magneto had taken him under his wing.

John looked at the fire in his hand, and Kitty’s smile grew. He didn’t know it, probably didn’t even realize it, but he was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. Weeks before she’d been relieved that he had been ‘cured’ and now it meant the world to her to see him smile like that. He didn’t smile nearly enough. And she knew he had his reasons for that.

Then he looked up at the school and the smile changed into anger instantly. He closed his fist around the flames, smothering them. “John?” He started walking back towards the school, with a purpose in his steps. “Where are you going?”

He uttered one angry word. “Bobby.”

“Oh no.” She ran to catch up with him. “John, no!” She told him, moving to stand in front of him.

“Get out of my way, Kitty.” He told her. And though his face still seemed angry, his tone was quite calm.

“You don’t need to do this.” She argued. “What’s done is done, can’t you two just leave it?”

He just moved over and walked past her. He kept his eyes on the school, ignoring her arguments along the way. Why she didn’t just grab his arm and phase him into the ground he didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to suggest it. If she really wanted to stop him, she could.

But this wasn’t just about revenge anymore. Bobby had crossed the line. Before things had just been an understandable rivalry. Now they were downright dangerous. John was out for blood. Mutant blood.

“Just stop it!” She argued, but he continued to ignore her, opening the door and walking back into the school. The students all had their attention on him now, some of them watching in fear, others just wary.

Kitty finally gave up on trying to talk some sense to John and ran through the wall to the right of him. He glanced in the direction she’d ran, then decided he really didn’t care where she’d gone, and looked back ahead. And there was Bobby, standing at the end of the hallway.

“I knew you wouldn’t let it be.” Bobby said, glaring at him.

“Wow, Bobby, you know me really well.” John said sarcastically, flicking his lighter open. It was a small move that did not go unnoticed by anyone in the room.

XXXXXXXX

She ran right through his bedroom door, and Logan jumped in surprise, grabbing a nearby towel. He’d just gotten out of the shower and hadn’t expected anyone to walk through the walls. She turned around to face the other way in surprise, embarrassed.

“Uh, Kitty…”

“It’s John.” She said quickly, and Logan reached for his pants. “He uh…well he’s looking for Bobby.”

“Damn it.” Logan finished buckling his pants and ran out of the door, Kitty following him closely. “Where are they?” It sort of surprised Kitty that he didn’t ask why John was there, but she brushed the thought away.

“He was headed for the lobby.” Kitty explained. They kept running until Kitty saw Jubilee standing there, watching them. She stopped and looked at her friend. “Why?” Kitty asked.

“For your own safety.” Was the other girl’s simple answer. Kitty just shook her head in disbelief and started running again.

Logan barely made it in time. He could see that in the fact that they had stopped using their powers entirely and had resorted to good old fashioned fist swinging. You only abandoned your powers and gave into instinct like this when you meant to do some serious harm.

They were both beaten pretty badly, and they were showing no sign of stopping on their own—otherwise he would have let things play out in their natural course. But there was the fact that he was a teacher now, sort of, and the other students who were standing around watching the fight in shock were in danger if someone didn’t stop it.

“Stop!” Logan yelled, and his voice boomed so loud that everyone turned to look at him. Everyone except for Bobby and John who just kept beating each other, completely indifferent to his presence. “That’s it.” Logan muttered under his breath, glaring at them.

He walked over and shoved them both in opposite directions, and when they immediately tried to start fighting again, he released his claws with a small ‘shthick’ sound, holding a hand towards each of them. Bobby stopped short, looking at Logan in surprise—with the one eye that wasn’t blue and swelling—and John just stared at the claws.

Logan looked at Bobby. “Next time you want to finish a fight you do it _outside_ of the school.” His voice was serious, dead serious. Every one in the room watched Bobby for his reaction. He glared at John, glanced at Logan, then turned around and started walking away, heading for the front doors.

Turning his attention to John, Logan still looked furious. “You need to cool off.” He warned him. “Or you’re going to see just how deadly these are.” He said, glancing at his claws.

Kitty walked over, standing next to John, and looked at Logan, waiting for him to tell her what to do. He would, no doubt, be angry that John was there at all. Logan glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. “Get him cleaned up.” He said, before walking in the direction Bobby had left.

Everyone stared in shock at Kitty and John—whose skin was covered in what appeared to be a thin sheet of ice. “Come on.” Kitty said, taking his shoulders gently and leading him back toward her room. The time to ask why Logan had reacted so lightly would come later. Right now, John needed her help. Again.

XXXXXXXX

This was the second time she had cleaned and bandaged his wounds. John wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure what and he didn’t want to make things worse. Yeah, going after Bobby had been reckless and stupid, but weren’t those two of the traits he was known for?

So far she hadn’t said a word. But once the wounds were cleaned and covered, Kitty sighed and looked at him. “Here.” She took the blanket from her bed and wrapped it around him, trying to warm him up.

“Why did you do it, John?” She asked, the look on her face and her eyes pleading with him for an explanation that would make sense, maybe make it okay.

“Because, I…” He hesitated, looking at her. John really didn’t want to have this conversation, but he owed her this much. He hated being in debt.

“He hurt you.” John said. “And when he did, all I wanted to do was kill him.” Kitty seemed a bit surprised by his words, which didn’t surprise him one bit. What did was his willingness to actually admit them aloud to the very person he wanted to hide them from. “I hate it. I hate how it made me feel. Because when you’re hurt, or sad, I…” He looked at the ground.

“Care?” She offered quietly. John looked up at her, his eyes meeting hers.

“And I hate that.” He told her.

“Why?” Kitty asked him. “Why are you so afraid to care, John?”

“Because that’s not the way my life works!” He said quickly. “And I’m not afraid.” He added under his breath, his gaze turning to the ground again.

“This is what people do though.” Kitty said, making him look at her. She was short enough to move into his line of vision. “They take care of each other.”

“I never wanted to make any new friends.” He snapped. “That’s not why I came here.”

Kitty looked at the cut on his forehead and touched it gently with her fingers, then took a step back. “Who ever said anything about friends?” She asked.

 


	10. Chapter 10

“[A lot of smoke, a lot of fire, fire raining down on the balcony.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/a-lot-of-smoke-a-lot-of-fire-fire-raining-down-on/1393643.html)”

**~**   [Jerry Levy](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/jerry_levy/) ~

 

**Chapter 10**

“Wait a second, what are you—”

“Nothing.” Kitty said quickly, turning her back to him so that he couldn’t see her cheeks getting red. How had she let the teenage girl inside of her get out for a few minutes? She was supposed to be taking care of him, helping him, not making him think…

John stood up and took a step toward her, and then he reached out his hand, as if to touch her back. But he hesitated, like he always did, and that moment gave him enough nerve to refuse the impulse and let his arm fall back to his side.

She glanced to her right, almost over her shoulder but not quite, as if she knew what he was thinking about doing. And then she whispered so softly that he only heard the tears in her voice. “Peter’s dying.”

“Who?” John had to think for a moment. It wasn’t until she turned around and he saw the look on her face that he realized who she was talking about. “Tinman.” He said quietly, a frown forming on his face. “I’m sorry.”

She smiled through her tears, which had fallen down her cheeks now, but he didn’t believe it for a moment. She was putting on her ‘brave face’ for him. For some reason, that bothered him.

“How long?” He asked.

She looked to the side and thought for a moment. Kitty had seen first hand how quickly, and slowly, the virus could kill—both a curse in their own right. And Peter had admitted to not telling her for two weeks since he had found out. Symptoms didn’t start until a few days after you contracted the virus, so that gave him around…

“A week.”

He could hear her heart breaking in those two words. She really loved him. The bulky Russian who’d always been so quiet everyone else thought he was either mute or not into girls…Kitty Pryde had fallen in love with him.

“I’m sorry.” He said again. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. He’d never comforted anyone before, and even when he’d tried to cheer himself up it had always ended in either bitter self-hatred or the need for vengeance on whoever had made him feel weak to begin with. John just didn’t know how to help her.

Kitty nodded her head, sniffling as she wiped the tears away. What had she expected? A hug? No, she wasn’t disappointed with his reaction. She honestly didn’t know why she’d even told him. Except that when she was hurt or sad, she _cared_ that _he_ cared.

She sat down on her bed, and he sat down next to her, and for a moment they just stared forward. Then she glanced at him, and John looked up at her. “Will you sit by me at…” Her voice caught in her throat. “At the funeral?”

What a fucking thing to ask. John didn’t want to be anywhere near the people who lived in this school and that funeral would be full of them. Not to mention Bobby would be there, and the urge to burn the hell out of him (more than he had already) would be stronger if everyone was just sitting around crying.

This was the second favor she had asked him, and both had been in the case of the Legacy Virus’s worst case scenario. Only this time it wasn’t herself she was worried about. Or maybe it was. But either way, she was asking him to do a favor for her directly, while she was around to witness it. He would rather have had her ask him to leave. Forever.

Kitty noticed he didn’t answer, she saw the thoughtful look on his face half stricken with irritation and the other half with confusion as his inner mind tried to work out the reasons why she would ask this of him. But she needed an answer.

“John?” He glanced down at her hand, now resting on top of his, just to get his attention he supposed. Then he turned his head and glanced down at his lighter in his other hand.

He could lie to her, tell her that her boyfriend would be okay. But they would both know it was a lie. Or he could just stand up and walk away, throw fire at whoever tried to stop him. But that would leave him alone again, and as used to it as he had become in the years of his childhood, he didn’t want that. Admit it to himself or not, he would miss the hell out of her.

“Yes.” His voice was calm, reserved. He was giving nothing away—something John wasn’t so good at around her, he had noticed. “Yes, I’ll sit by you.”

“Thank you.” She replied quietly, not looking at him. She was afraid she would see a look of amusement on his face, or just plain disinterest.

“Kitty…” Her name made her look up without realizing it. “You’re uh…” He glanced down at her hand still resting on his, and she pulled it away as if he’d bitten her.

“Oh, sorry.” Kitty said, looking away again.

“How are you feeling, anyway?” He asked, motioning to her stomach. She didn’t need to see him to know he was looking at her.

“I’m fine.” Kitty lied. Her side hurt terribly. Running after him, and then after Logan, she’d made the injury worse.

“Put some ice on it.” He said, giving her a slight smirk as he placed his hand on her side. It was still cold from Bobby’s ice, and she almost phased his hand through her shirt and stomach again, but stopped herself. The coolness felt good, despite the immediate shock from unexpected contact.

She wanted to numb herself completely, to just close her eyes and fade away, which she literally could do. But there was something that kept her from ‘running’ and that was the feeling of John’s eyes on her, his constant—and terribly hidden—concern.

“You should probably lay down.” He commented.

“Yeah.” She agreed.

“So why don’t you?” John asked after a few minutes of them just sitting there again.

“You’re uh…” She looked at him. “You’re sitting on my bed.”

“Oh.” He stood up, but did so slowly, hesitantly. John flicked his lighter open and then closed it again.

“No more fire, please.” Kitty’s voice was exhausted. She laid down on her bed, looking at him. “When I wake up, you’ll be here?” She asked.

John raised an eyebrow in question. “And if I wasn’t?” He asked.

Kitty thought about that for a moment. What was the true answer to that question? She closed her eyes, tried to ignore it, but there was that feeling of him looking at her again. Kitty opened her eyes.

“I’d go looking for you.” She told him. That answer surprised John so much that he backed up away from her bed, staring at her. There was a look of unfamiliar gratefulness in his eyes.

No one had ever wanted him around. No one had ever wanted to keep him around, to keep him as a friend, to look at him like he was a person rather than a monster. And here she was, looking at him not only as a person, an equal, but a friend. Or not a friend. He wasn’t sure what he thought about that last idea.

She patted the bed beside her softly, smiling at him. “Take a seat.” Kitty told him, and John almost didn’t believe what he was hearing. So, he walked back over to the bed and took a seat, looking at her expectantly.

“What happened to you?” She asked quietly, looking into his eyes as she waited for the answer. “What made you so afraid of people?” He started to stand up again, uncomfortable with the direction these questions were headed towards. “John.” He paused, but didn’t look at her. “You can tell me.”

“Some stories shouldn’t be told.” John muttered bitterly. “Some stories shouldn’t even be fucking written.”

“Okay.” She said calmly, trying to comfort him in the process. “It’s okay.” He glanced at her, the look on his face so sad she almost asked again what had happened. But she didn’t want to press the issue.

Maybe she didn’t want to know why he was so cold and harsh, why he was always trying to not show what he was feeling, if he felt anything but pain and guilt. Or the reason he flinched every time someone barely touched him. The reason he slept under beds rather than up where it was obviously more comfortable. The reason that coldness was more comforting for someone who could control fire.

She had helped him for weeks now, and she still knew nothing more about him than what she had before. Except that he did have a nice smile, and he was capable of holding an intelligent conversation with someone that didn’t end in flames and ashes.

John wanted to crawl back under the bed and sleep forever. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want the impending doom that would come of whatever relationship he had formed with Kitty. And it _was_ a relationship. He couldn’t deny it.

“Kitty,” He looked into her eyes. _Thank you._ He wanted to say it, but his mouth just wouldn’t form the words. They ended at the bottom of his throat, right where the apologies always caught without being spoken, right where what he _wanted_ to say met with what he _did_ say.

She was looking at him expectantly, waiting for whatever he’d been planning on saying. Kitty was unsure of what to think right then. John had already shown her sides of his personality that she didn’t even know existed. So what would he say next?

“It’ll get better.” He finally settled for that. For that one, fucking lame, lie of a phrase. He had no doubt that things would get worse. It was the sort of thing mutants—especially two as known as they were—could always expect. Nothing ever changed for the better.

“Lay down.” She told him quietly, moving over so that there was room on her bed for him to do so.

“What the hell are you…?” Was she coming on to him? Now that would certainly make things…

“You look as tired as I feel.” She told him, and his thoughts dissolved as he suddenly noticed the concerned look on her face. There was no lust there, only that constant reminder that someone actually cared that he felt broken. And he was still cold. Damn Bobby.

“Hey, I’ll just sleep under the bed…” He said, moving towards the floor.

“No.” Kitty told him. “No, I don’t want to be alone right now.” The tears were back. Only glimpses of them, but they were there.

He had sympathy for her. In that moment he wanted to make the tears go away and heal that fucking Russian—if it would make her smile again—and just give her back the normal life she’d had before learning she was a mutant. He wanted to _save_ her.

But he didn’t.

John laid down beside her, staring up at the ceiling, hands linked on his stomach where they rested. He made no move to hold her in comfort, or even to look at her. Things were awkward enough. He didn’t want her thinking that…

“Thank you.” There they were again. Those two words he had never heard spoken sincerely when directed towards him. Not until meeting—and truly getting to know—Kitty Pryde.

So they laid there, staring at the ceiling, saying nothing, merely comforted by the fact that neither of them were alone, and probably wouldn’t be for quite a while. After a while, he winced and reached up to touch the cut on his forehead. Her hand stopped him, and he was amazed be her accuracy, because her eyes were closed when he glanced over at her.

She opened her eyes to look at him, hand still holding to his wrist gently. Kitty gave him her half smile and started to say something. She never got the chance.

“We’ve got problems!” This time it was Logan that broke down her door uninvited. John nearly fell off of the bed trying to get up and away from it. Logan glanced at Kitty, then at John, and his claws were extended in an instant.

John had his hands raised in the air in surrender as he tried to explain. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to…” That’s as far as he got before Kitty spoke up.

“What is it?” Kitty asked, sitting up. She sat up too fast, held her side in pain, and then tried to hide it, looking back at Logan. He kept his claws ready.

“Oh, you’re not going to believe this.” He said, looking back at Kitty. His face said it all. There was something going on, it was big, and it was going to affect them all. “Well,” He reconsidered, “Maybe _you_ will.” She gave him a look that told him to just get on with it, and Logan looked right into her eyes when he said it. “Robots.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

“[No amount of **fire** or freshness can challenge what a man can store up in his ghosty heart.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/no_amount_of_fire_or_freshness_can_challenge_what/289457.html)”

**~**  [F. Scott Fitzgerald](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/f._scott_fitzgerald/) ~

 

**Chapter 11**

Both John and Kitty waited for Logan to start laughing in amusement, and when he didn’t, she stood up. “What?”

“I don’t know.” Logan muttered in irritation. “You’re the computer geek, you’re the one that knows how they function, or why they’d make them, and send them after us…”

“What the hell are you talking about?” John asked, staring at Logan in both disbelief and disgust. He didn’t believe the man for a moment, but that fact that he was getting Kitty all worried pissed John off.

“They’re heading towards the school!” Logan snapped. “Right now!” He started for the door. “Get Rogue, Bobby, and Peter, anyone else you think will be reliable! We’re going to need everyone for this.” John raised an eyebrow. Maybe this was real…

“Peter?” Kitty asked, and Logan glanced back at her. “He’s too…”

“Weak?” Logan finished, his voice as irritated as the look on his face. “Doesn’t matter. He’s needed.” And with that said, the Wolverine left the room.

Kitty looked crushed, and John felt like ripping Logan’s throat out for causing that look. But now that he thought about it, whatever he had burst into the room about, it must have been damn important for Logan to not lecture him on his reasons for being there.

“Damn it.” John muttered, flicking his lighter open. “Come on.” It was odd for him to take Kitty’s hand and pull her towards the door. It was so unlike him that she let his hand phase through hers.

“What are you doing?” He demanded. “You heard him! We have to go!” That’s what the look on Logan’s face had told them, and there were many things to be known about Logan, but number one: he became dead serious when those he cared about were in danger.

“But…” Her eyes were blank. She was seeing past him the way he was touching through her. The virus and now this…what the fuck had happened to the world? Why was she suddenly seeing everything swirling around her?

“Kitty, snap out of this!” He hissed, getting pissed that she was hesitating the one time that he actually felt the need for urgency.

“But he just came in here, and he talked about Peter like…”

“Kitty!” He screamed, taking hold of her face with his hand, and her eyes focused as she finally looked at John rather than through him. “We have to go. _Now_!”

“Kitty, have you seen Bobby…” Rogue stopped in the doorway, looking at John with wide eyes. She hadn’t been at the battle at Alcatraz, and he hadn’t seen her for what seemed like forever. The whiny girl was replaced with the confident woman who stood before him.

She didn’t hesitate in taking her gloves off. She may have been cured, but he didn’t know that. She hoped. “I can’t believe ya came back…”

“He’s with us!” Kitty said quickly. “No, he’s with me, I mean he’s…” She sighed in irritation. “He’s not the one you have to worry about right now!”

“How long has he been here?” Rogue demanded, ignoring Kitty, though she had stopped taking her glove off.

“Would you just shut up and listen to her?” John asked, glaring at Rogue. He could see other students running around frantically behind her in the hallway. He’d seen this scene before. He’d been a part of it. It was not a night he wanted to remember. And here it was, flashing back at him in live action, and Rogue wanted to fucking bitch about him being there?

“Damn it!” Kitty grabbed both of their hands and dragged them through the wall, and John noticed how she didn’t seem affected by the touch of Rogue’s skin.

“Where’s Logan?” Rogue asked, looking around frantically.

“Would you just shut up!” John snapped, glaring at her. “We’ve been through this! He’ll be fine! He’s a fucking _Scissorhands_ freak!”

“You are just about this close to…” Rogue started to snap, but Kitty shoved them both aside and took off running, and they both looked at her for a moment, unsure of what to do. Then John took off running after Kitty, and Rogue followed after a moment’s hesitation.

XXXXXXXX

He had wings. But Warren couldn’t use them. There wasn’t enough room in the hallways, and people were rushing around him so fast that he couldn’t ask what the hell was going on. Then a girl ran through him.

Warren stopped Rogue, grabbed her arm gently. “What’s happening?” He asked.

She looked at the boy—hadn’t met him yet since being back—and then looked back in the direction where John had kept running. “They’re callin’ them Sentinels.” Rogue explained. “And they’re comin’ ta’ the school.”

But did she really need to worry? She wasn’t a mutant. Or was she? Was it really that small gene difference that made you who you were? Rogue had been wrestling with that idea for weeks and still hadn’t come up with a solid answer.

“Come on!” Rogue said, as she started to run again. Warren followed without a second thought. He’d seen these people fight before, he knew what kind of people they were, and he trusted them completely. For the first time in his life he was around people who didn’t want to be his friend for his money. And he loved it.

“Bobby!” Rogue screamed, seeing him at the end of the hallway by the front door. His eyes were wide, frantic, and she knew he had been looking for her. “The kids?” She asked.

Storm had assigned them different ‘duties’ in case of another attack on the school, and Bobby’s had been to get the kids into the secret pathways within the walls, where someone else was assigned to get them to safety.

Rogue’s job was to find them all and get them to the X-Jet, ‘them’ being the essential X-Men members of course. Or whoever happened to be staying at the school that could help. They’d had visitors, old friends and new, since Xavier’s death that had joined the team temporarily to help out.

Bobby’s face visibly relaxed when he saw that Rogue was okay. “They’re out.” He informed her. “Let’s go.” He joined with them, running towards the underground headquarters of the X-Men.

XXXXXXXX

“Where the hell are you going, Kitty?” John asked, getting pissed that he had to keep opening doors and she was getting way too ahead. He didn’t want to get lost, separated from the one person there who didn’t want him dead, and she was making it difficult.

Then she was phasing through stairs so fast he couldn’t see her anymore, and he knew where she was headed. “No.” John muttered. He didn’t want to go where she was. But even so, he took off running down the stairs.

Storm was waiting for them, the X-Jet already on and ready to go. She wasn’t ready to see John Allerdyce following after Kitty. And rushing out of the jet and onto the floor, giving him a warning glance, she wondered if this was another thing she would have to worry about, or if his appearance was merely a random happening.

“Cool it, Storm. He’s fine.” She glanced at Logan as he lit his cigar and climbed into the jet. The tone of his voice told her one thing: he’d known John was here for quite a while now.

“Logan, how long has he been here?” She demanded, her own tone of voice taking on that irritation she always used with him. Kitty phased onto the jet, looking at them both as she tried to catch her breath, and Storm realized that she’d have to finish her conversation with Logan later.

“What do we know?” Kitty asked, turning on the nearby TV screen and searching for a news channel. Storm was quite proud at how the girl was reacting to all of this—the training was starting to show, and that was a good thing.

“They’re coming for the school, and so far that’s all we know.” Logan told her, sitting down in the co-pilot’s seat. “Where are the others?” He asked, raising an eyebrow in question as he glanced at Kitty.

John just stood there. He wasn’t going on that stupid plane until someone made him. And even then…

“Afraid?” Bobby bumped into him on purpose as he walked by and onto the jet. Rogue and some dude with fucking wings followed him. John’s glare could have killed. He flicked his lighter a few times, and then followed after him.

He walked over to stand next to Kitty, feeling completely out of place among them. And Rogue and Bobby were both glaring at him. The only one that seemed indifferent to his presence was the winged guy.

Peter showed up a bit later—and he did not look well. And when Kitty rushed to his side, wrapping her arm around his waist, John felt like a moron because he had this overwhelming sense of jealousy. Peter belonged, _he_ didn’t. And that was why…

“They’re still headed for the school.” Storm announced, looking at their radar screen. They still hadn’t taken off, and they probably wouldn’t. The X-Jet was just a meeting place. “Looks like four of them.”

“They’re huge.” Rogue commented, and she was looking at the news screen Kitty had turned on, at the live images they were showing.

Godzilla had nothing on these things. They _were_ huge, and they were just walking through the city like nothing mattered to them, like life meant nothing. And it probably didn’t. They may have had the slight humanoid appearance, but these robots were most definitely that: robots, machines, modern technology that was targeted at them. The ground shook, and you could tell the camera man was trying his best to not just run away.

“I’m going to try to contact Hank.” Storm told them, reaching for the radio. “Maybe he knows what’s going on.” She glanced at Bobby and Rogue. “Did the children get out okay?” Bobby nodded, but he never took his eyes off of John—watching him for the slightest sign that there would be trouble of his doing. John looked back at him casually, flicking his lighter open and closed.

“You should be with the others.” Kitty said quietly to Peter, helping him sit down in the corner.

“No.” He argued. “My place is here.” His thick Russian accent was really starting to show through in the pain of the virus that was killing him. He looked up at her. “With you.” Peter added.

Kitty wrapped her arms as far around his bulk as she could and hugged him close. And John’s eyes flickered from Bobby to them for a moment. Bobby noticed it, and there was a slight smile on his face when John looked back at him.

 


	12. Chapter 12

“[Ideas that enter the mind under **fire** remain there securely and forever.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/ideas_that_enter_the_mind_under_fire_remain_there/256821.html)”

**~**  [Leon Trotsky](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/leon_trotsky/) ~

 

**Chapter 12**

Storm sighed as she hung up the phone. She glanced at Logan, irritated that he was being so casual about everything. The others were in the back room—the jet wasn’t as small as it looked, and as they weren’t flying too fast so it didn’t matter if they walked around.

“So, where’s the furball?” He asked, not even looking at her as he spoke.

“Manhattan.” She replied, though her tone was irritated. At this, he did look.

“He’s still with that government costume team?” Logan asked sarcastically.

“They’re called the Avengers, and yes, Hank is still with them.” Storm snapped. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, studied his face for any guilt.

“What?” Logan finally asked.

“How long have you known John was here? And I’m guessing by the way a couple of them reacted that he’s been here for some time now!” She said, motioning towards the back room where the others waited.

“A few weeks.” He replied, looking back at the screen ahead of them. Clear skies.

“And you didn’t tell me!?” She was appalled, to say the least.

“He wasn’t hurting anyone.” Logan said in his defense, turning to look at her. “If he’d been a danger I would have told you. But Kitty’s not a little girl, she can take care of…”

“That’s not the point, Logan!” She snapped, cutting his short. “We are supposed to be a team! You do know the meaning of the word, right?” He hated that look in her eyes—the one that told him she wasn’t just angry, she was hurt. “When you agreed to help me keep this school going, we promised no more secrets.” He looked forward again.

Storm sighed, looking at the ground. “He could have hurt someone.”

“But he didn’t.”

“How do you know that?” She asked, giving him a sharp look. “Kitty’s great at hiding things.”

“I would have known if she’d been hurt.” Logan said, for the first time showing slight hostility in his voice.

Storm just shook her head and turned her attention to piloting. She was beginning to wonder if working with Logan to keep the school open was even worth it.

XXXXXXXX

No one said anything. On one side sat Bobby, Rogue, and Warren. On the other, Kitty, with Peter’s head resting on her shoulder, and John on her other side. And John and Bobby were still glaring at each other. Warren looked bored, Rogue looked afraid of whatever Bobby was thinking of doing—she kept glancing at him from the side, trying to not show her concern.

Kitty was completely oblivious to everything but Peter, who was breaking her heart the way he was trying to hide his pain. She wanted to take it away, and she couldn’t.

John tried his best to not even look at Kitty and Peter—he hadn’t since Bobby had noticed it before. And he’d have to have a ‘talk’ with Bobby about things soon. There was no way he was letting Iceman think something that wasn’t true. Because it wasn’t. Really. Kitty was his friend, and he worried about her. That was all. The end.

The end? There was no end. He’d even told her that. John couldn’t help it, he glanced over at her again. And then when he looked back at Bobby, he looked so amused that John almost flicked his lighter on right then and there. But fire in a jet that was in the air, being fueled by, who knew how many gallons of gas, wasn’t such a fun idea.

Warren perked up suddenly, looking out the window. “They stopped.” He announced. Rogue glanced over his shoulder to see what he meant, and everyone else looked out their windows to see as well. “They just stopped moving.”

“They know we’re gone.” Bobby concluded.

“They’re too smart.” Kitty said, mind racing with all of the technological possibilities. These Sentinels fascinated her. She wanted to just find one and tear it apart, then put it back together piece by piece, find what made them work. But that wouldn’t be happening any time soon.

“Who do you think made them?” Warren asked.

“Government.” Everyone looked at Kitty. Realizing their attention was on her, she looked up. “Who else would have the funding?”

“But why?” Rogue asked. “I though’ we had an understandin’ with them now.”

John scoffed. “You think they actually believe that mutants can walk among them as equals?” Their attention shifted to him, and the feeling in the room changed dramatically.

“Lies.” John said, realizing how much he sounded like Magneto in that moment. “Build our trust, make us think we’re safe, then take us down from the inside.”

“That’s not what’s happening.” Bobby argued, glaring at him.

“Oh yeah?” John flicked his lighter open, eyes still on Bobby. “Then what _is_ happening? Who created those fuckers and sent them after _mutants_? Had to be a human, because we wouldn’t come after one of our own.” He paused, thinking about that for a moment. “But then you did…” He added, looking at Bobby.

“Shut the fuck u…” Rogue grabbed Bobby’s hand when he raised it to throw some ice at John.

“Stop it.” She said quietly. Her voice reminded John of the way Kitty’s had sounded right before all hell had broken loose again. Exhausted.

“ _No more fire, please.”_

John glanced at Kitty, and she looked up at him. Her eyes were alive, but the rest of her looked tired again. And Peter was asleep now, leaning against the wall rather than her shoulder. She seemed to be relaxing a little now that the Russian wasn’t awake.

“Anyone know where we’re going?” Warren asked, sensing the need for a shift in the subject.

“Manhattan.” They all looked up as Logan opened the door and walked in. “We get to meet some government sponsored heroes.” He added sarcastically. Glancing at Peter, he asked Kitty, “He gonna make it?”

Ultimately? No. She looked sadly at the floor. “He needs rest. He can’t fight with us.”

Logan, who had seemed to not care before, had softened the look on his face without even meaning to. He’d lost the one person he had ever cared about. Twice. He knew what she was going through more than Kitty would ever know.

“I’m sure Dr. McCoy can help him.” Logan finally said. And he only used Hank’s title to give them hope. Kitty seemed to visibly relax a bit more, and that set Logan’s mind at ease. “Shadowcat.” She looked back up at him. “Pyro.” John gave him a confused look. “Storm wants to talk to you.”

They both stood up and started for the cockpit. “Shadowcat?” He asked Kitty, and she just shrugged her shoulders. She was too tired to try to defend her code name—which she actually thought fit her quite well. “No, I mean I like it.” John added, and she glanced at him, giving him a slight smile.

Storm wasn’t happy. They saw it in the way she sat in the pilot’s seat, looking at John, studying him for any sign that he was just acting and he’d bust out some explosion any minute.

“Kitty?” Kitty looked up at Storm, suddenly nervous as to what was going to be said. Logan walked into the cockpit and closed the door behind them. “Why didn’t you tell us John was back?”

“Hey I’m not—” Storm raised her hand to silence his argument and waited for Kitty’s answer.

“He was hurt.” She replied, and suddenly her voice sounded so small. “So I…I helped him, and…”

Storm sighed. She saw a lot of herself in Kitty Pryde—the youthful ambition to at least try to always do the right thing. And even more importantly, the same tendency to care for people who would eventually betray or hurt her.

“We’re meeting Hank at the Avengers Mansion.” Storm explained. “They’re not happy that we have a member of the Brotherhood with us who isn’t handcuffed.” She glanced at John, gauging his reaction to this news. She expected him to seem proud. He didn’t. He was looking at Kitty, waiting for her reaction. Which was odd.

“He was cured.” Kitty said quietly.

That got Logan’s attention. “ _Was_?”

“It’s…the cure, I think it’s only temporary.” Kitty explained, and Logan looked to Storm, who looked back at him with wide eyes.

“That’s why they created the virus.” Storm concluded. “They couldn’t ‘cure’ us, so they decided to kill us.” She looked furious. “Damn it.” Outside, the skies had started to darken and gather clouds.

“ ‘Ro?” Logan asked, and his voice pulled her back to the present. She looked up at him, a mixture of emotions playing out on her beautiful face. He’d learned to read her emotions like an open book. But right now she was confusing the hell out of him.

Not wanting to talk about anything at that particular moment, Storm turned back to face the screen. “We’re there.” She said, motioning to the mansion in the distance. Storm turned back to look at John. “What are we going to do about him?” The question was directed to everyone in that cockpit, but no one spoke.

XXXXXXXX

Logan didn’t like the place. It was too clean, too well kept, too efficient. It reeked of the government. He had a fond hatred for the government. Of any country.

He was in the lead, Storm at his side, but Logan was always a step ahead. He was always ready, senses perked and watching. If anything was going to go wrong, he’d know about it before it happened. And if he was lucky, he could turn things around in time to make that ‘something wrong’ happen to only him, protecting her from harm.

He didn’t like the place, and he trusted it even less.

“Ororo!” Storm smiled and wrapped her arms around Hank. And not for the first time, Logan wondered if those two had had a past he wasn’t aware of. “I was sorry to hear about the school.” Hank added.

“We made it out okay.” She told him.

“Yes, but the cost alone to rebuild…”

“Rebuild?” Logan asked, and Hank looked at him for the first time.

“Didn’t you know?” He asked, and when he saw that both Storm and Logan were looking at him confused he realized that they didn’t know. “The school. They tore it apart.”

Storm took a step backwards, tears in her eyes. That had been her home for most of her life. It was the last thing she had to remind her of Charles, and now it was…gone? “Are you sure?” She asked.

Hank looked terribly sorry. You could see it through the fur, the way his eyes filled with sympathy and shared pain. He’d loved that school as well. “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“Do you know who built them?” Logan asked, wanting to change the subject at least a little.

“We think we do.” Hank replied.

XXXXXXXX

He was creepy. But the Avengers had insisted. So, Pyro tried to ignore the green and yellow guy that was supposed to watch him for any signs of trouble. And Kitty had gone off to make sure they got some help for Peter. It was only after the Russian was fucking comfortable that she ran back to find him, and that irritated John.

But when she phased through the wall of the small guestroom they’d put him in—cameras in two corners to keep watch just in case their guard missed something—he welcomed her presence.

“Everything worked out now?” John asked, though the only real concern he had was for her rather than Peter.

She glanced back at the wall she’d walked through. “He’s comfortable.” Kitty replied in answer. She looked like she was going to start crying. “He’s…not got long.” John nodded in understand, not sure of what to say.

Kitty jumped in surprise and screamed when she saw his ‘prison guard’ walk out of the wall. “Oh yeah, he does that.” John commented casually, motioning towards him.

She looked shocked. No one had ever been able to do that but her. “Who…what’s your name?” She asked the stranger.

“They call me The Vision.” He replied. His voice was mechanical. Kitty took a closer look, suddenly curious about him, because she realized now—or thought—that he wasn’t exactly human. And hadn’t they talked about the Vision in a lesson with the Professor once? She tried to remember and couldn’t.

“Vision my ass.” John commented, glaring at him. “You can go now.” He told Vision, who just stared at him blankly. “She’s not going to let me hurt anyone.” John motioned to Kitty, and he looked back at her with the same blank look.

“It’ll be fine.” She assured him.

“I will stay close to the room.” He replied, before walking back through the wall. Kitty watched him go and wondered if that was what she looked like when she phased.

“So,” She turned her attention back to John at the sound of his voice, “What happens now?”

“What do you mean?” Kitty asked.

“Do you let me go? They don’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here.” He asked. “I can’t stay here. You and I both know that…”

“John, stop talking like this.” She told him quickly.

“Hey, I’m not part of the team. They don’t need me here, so—”

“ _I_ need you here!” Kitty yelled suddenly, tears that she hadn’t even known were there falling from her eyes as she stared at him.

John looked at her. He wasn’t quite sure he’d heard her correctly. “What?” He whispered it.

“Just…” Kitty looked at the floor, “Stay. Please.”

“I—” She looked up and the words died in his mouth. He couldn’t argue with her when she was looking at him like that, her eyes screaming at him. And then he hardened the look on his face and decided that if he had to be mean he would, but he couldn’t stay here. Not anymore. He couldn’t be around her anymore.

“Kitten, there’s no good that comes from me hanging around!” He snapped. “Both of us know that!”

“Shut up.” She told him defiantly.

“Go cuddle with your Tinman.” He told her. “He needs you. And if you keep trying to help me, you’ll only end up getting hurt!”

“You _can’t_ hurt me!” Kitty yelled. He was a bit taken back by her outburst, but that was nothing compared to the surprise he felt when she slammed her fist into his chest. “You can’t hurt me!” Kitty screamed again, hitting his chest lightly over and over. He backed up until he bumped into a wall, and she kept hitting him, kept saying it over and over, and it hurt like hell. But she needed this. He knew she needed it, and he was going to take it until she didn’t need it anymore.

This was the violence she’d wanted upon first seeing him again, the fight he hadn’t given her when she had openly provoked him. Kitty needed an outlet, and right now she was using him. He was surprised by how okay he was with that.

“You can’t hurt me!” Her hands were getting softer, and soon her hands were going right through his chest—leaving a weird tingly feeling in his ribs. And then Kitty Pryde fell to the ground and started crying.

“You can’t…” The words were getting quieter, swallowed up in sobs. “You can’t hurt me…You can’t…” John fell down beside her, hesitated for a single moment that seemed like forever, and then touched his hand to her back, trying to comfort her. “You can’t…” He realized now that this wasn’t about him at all. It was her, mourning for the Russian who was fading before her eyes.

And his hand was shaking. Surely she felt it tremble against her back. But she said nothing about it. She just kept sobbing, repeating that one simple lie over and over. Her throat was raw, and she just wanted to close her eyes and die.

“Kitty…” No response to her name. She just kept sobbing frantically. He needed to do something, because she was falling apart here. But he didn’t know what to do. John had never in his life tried to comfort someone other than her, and he hated how frequently he’d had to try lately.

“You can’t! You…” John grabbed her gently, stopping the words before she could finish them as he reached out cautiously, still not sure if his hands would go through her or not, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. Her sobs gave in to his trembling arms, and she found comfort there.

Outside the world as they knew it was going to hell, the others didn’t, and would probably never, trust him again, the Avengers were only allowing them to stay temporarily until they figured other arrangements out. But inside, in that single guest room, something profound was happening. Something that would change them both completely.

 


	13. Chapter 13

“But everything inside you knows  
There's more than what you've heard  
There's so much more than empty conversations  
Filled with empty words  
  
And you're on fire  
When He's near you  
You're on fire  
When He speaks  
You're on fire  
Burning at these mysteries”

**~**  Switchfoot “On Fire” ~

 

**Chapter 13**

Where did it end? Where did the pain end and her broken heart begin? Kitty wasn’t aware of anything but the tears and falling to the ground. And she felt so damn lost, thrown into a chaotic swirl of premature grief that would no doubt be followed soon by the real thing.

She wanted to run away, get away from it all. But she was supposed to be brave, to be an X-Man, and that meant you didn’t run, especially when you wanted to.

Kitty felt someone’s arms around her, and she thought it was John but wasn’t sure. She really didn’t care. She just clung to his shirt, pulling him close, burying her face in the chest she’d just beaten. It wasn’t fair that she’d taken this all out on him just because he was there. Or maybe there were deeper reasons why she’d taken it out on him of all people.

She’d seen Peter lying in the Avengers’ med lab, sleeping with that pain-stricken look on his face, and she’d wanted comfort. She’d been surprised as hell to find that John Allerdyce was the first person who came to mind. He’d been the one she wanted to run to. He had been the one she wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay. He’d been the one that she wanted to see in her saddest hour, the face that might make her smile amidst so much grief and pain. She loved Peter Rasputin, but what she felt for John was almost beyond that. It was…

“Kitty?” He whispered it, voice uncharacteristically soothing, and she felt his eyes on her, waiting for her to lift her head and look at him. She did. She expected to feel shame looking at him through the tears that were only just gradually slowing to a stop. But she felt completely okay with it.

“Yeah?” She asked, voice cracking a little as she looked into his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked her. And in the way that he asked it, she knew he already knew the answer. But sometimes lying aloud helped. Sometimes pretended eventually turned into the real thing.

“Yeah.” Kitty told him, looking at the floor.

He hesitated. John looked at the dark streaks her makeup now made down her cheeks, the way her eyes were red and swollen, the way her lip still quivered as she bit it, trying to not start crying again. She was anything _but_ okay.

And it tore him apart. Every tear she cried bit into the part of him that cared, and he noticed it. John hated this feeling, this unknown idea of actually caring when someone like Kitty was hurting.

She didn’t deserve the cards Fate had thrown at her, and he wanted to re-shuffle them for her, deal something wonderful out. But there was nothing he could do.

Mortality was something he couldn’t touch. It was the one wall she couldn’t walk through, and it was the one thing that was resistant to his flames. No way to stop death. No way to fix death other than to take care of those left behind, because, in reality, they were the only ones who suffered.

“I’m sorry I hit you.” Kitty said quietly, standing up very carefully. He held onto her arms to steady her as she did so, because she seemed like she was going to faint or something.

“Doesn’t matter.” He replied. “Didn’t hurt all that much.”

“Why didn’t you stop me?” She looked up into his eyes—he was almost a foot taller than her, so she could do that. “You could have pushed me away, but you didn’t.”

John wasn’t quite sure how to answer that. “You’ve done so much to help me that…” He decided to leave the rest unsaid. They both knew what he’d been about to say, so why utter it aloud?

“John?” He looked down into her eyes. “Thank you.”

He really wished she would stop saying that to him. John let go of her arms—he’d still been holding them as they stood there—and he backed away. “No problem.” He said, pulling his lighter out of his pocket as he leaned against the wall—trying to look casual. He flicked it open and closed for a few seconds, and they kept their eyes on each other.

There was a lot that could be said, but they stayed silent. Perhaps silence was the key to their actual relationship—friendship—whatever the fuck it was, John realized. They could say everything without saying a damn word.

“John…” She started, and then stopped when the Vision walked back through the door. She really wished he would stop doing that.

“There’s a young man outside the door requesting to come in.” He announced, looking to Kitty for permission. She walked over and leaned the top half of her body through the door to take a look and see who it was.

“Bobby!” She hissed angrily. “No! No more fighting! Just go away.”

He looked at her, saw the evidence that she’d been crying, and decided to not ask her about it. “I just want to talk to him.” Bobby insisted.

“Every time you two talk,” She phased through the wall completely, “Something ends up burnt or frozen, and it’s usually one of you.”

He sighed in frustration. Bobby really couldn’t argue about that. But that didn’t change that he was here to talk to John, no matter what she said. “Just let me in, okay?”

“No!” She said, scoffing in disbelief. “No, I want you two to stay away from each other!” Bobby started to argue, but she didn’t give him the chance. “Just go away, Bobby. I can’t handle you and John fighting anymore. Not right now. There’s too much going on already!” She was getting frantic again.

He took a deep breath. “Kitty, we’re in the Avengers’ Mansion.” Bobby reminded her. “I promise I won’t do anything but talk to him.”

She looked like she was just going to walk back through the wall and ignore him. But she didn’t. “Fine.” Kitty said, sounding defeated. “But if I find out you two fought, there’s going to be hell to pay.” She warned, pointing a finger in his face. “I’m going to go spend some time with Peter. Don’t make me come back here.” Bobby nodded, and she turned around and started walking towards the medical rooms where Peter was hopefully still sleeping.

XXXXXXXX

Bobby opened the door and walked in, and John’s first impulse was to beat the hell out of him. “Oh, hell no!” He snapped, lighter flicking open and on. He wasn’t going to play around this time, someone was getting burned.

“They’re watching.” Bobby reminded him, pointing to either of the cameras. He looked amused, which pissed John off more than anything. “Just came here to talk anyway.”

“I don’t believe you.” John replied coldly.

“Of course you don’t.” Bobby replied. “You never believe anything anyone tells you unless they can control metal…”

“Hey, don’t even…”

“Or walk through walls.” John got quiet, glaring at Bobby.

“What do you want?” He snapped.

Bobby sat down on the small couch near the window and looked at John casually. “Do you love her?”

“What the fu…” John’s glare became more intense. “Get out.” He said through gritted teeth, still tempted to throw fire at him. It would be worth whatever punishment he got to see Bobby burn.

“It’s a simple question, Pyro.” That name sparked his attention. Bobby wouldn’t refer to him as John anymore. No, that was the ultimate sign that they weren’t—and never would be again—friends anymore. “You either do, or you don’t. There’s no in between.”

“Is there a point to this little conversation?” John asked, masking his anger with mild irritation. He didn’t want Bobby to know how much that question bothered him, because, in truth, he wasn’t sure of the answer.

“Yeah,” Bobby answered, nodding his head. “Just a warning.”

“Don’t you dare threaten me,” John snapped.

“See, I know you’re not capable of really caring for anyone other than yourself.” Bobby said, standing up. He no longer looked amused. Now he looked almost dangerous. “So if you’re using her,” He took a step towards John, fists bunched at his sides, “If you hurt her, I swear…”

“I’m not the one who threw her to the fucking ground.” John said, a slight grin crossing his face at Bobby’s reaction. “You’re the only one who’s hurt her so far.” He loved this. The tables were turned, and Iceman hadn’t expected things to play out this way—you could see it on his face.

“That was an accident!” Bobby yelled. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. If you’d just…”

“Don’t blame it on me.” John told him, glaring at him again. “ _I_ was the one who helped her get up off the ground after you took off. _I_ was the one who had to watch her cry in pain. _I_ was the one who…”

“Shut up!” Bobby snapped, hands held out before him.

“Go ahead.” John told him. “Freeze the hell out of me. But it won’t change the fact that _you_ hurt her.” He told him, voice dark as his mood. “It was your move, Iceman, which has her bruised.”

Bobby, completely frustrated, just turned around and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. John glared at the Vision when he walked through the door.

XXXXXXXX

“Senator Trask?” Storm still couldn’t believe it. They were in the Avengers’ mission room, talking with Hank as well as billionaire Tony Stark. “But why?”

“It is possible that he felt violated by Mystique’s recent impersonation of him.” Hank explained.

“But that’s no reason to create robots targeted to kill mutants!” Storm pointed out. “What is this world coming to? First the ‘cure’, then the virus, and now this? Don’t they realize that we protect them?”

Logan watched her reaction. She always reacted this way—like she couldn’t believe that anyone would want to do something like this. But he knew better. You rattled the government’s cage and they zapped yours. He glanced at Stark, picking up a familiar scent that made him raise an eyebrow.

And then he started listening to the conversation, and Logan realized he’d missed something. “We’ll have to take them by surprise.” Storm was saying.

“Are they ready?” Stark asked, and they all knew he was referring to the younger X-Men.

“Aside from Pete, yeah.” Logan chimed in, and they all paused for a moment in uncomfortable silence.

“And what about the rogue mutant?” Stark asked after a few seconds. “He’s dangerous, and Wanda called. She needs Vision right now. I can’t ask him to stay here babysitting a firestarter when his wife’s going through a rough time.”

“I’ll take care of the kid.” Logan promise, and Storm gave him a warning glance. “Won’t let him burn down anything.” He could tell from the look that Stark gave him, he didn’t like Logan much. And that actually didn’t bother him, because he was starting to suspect there was more to this billionaire than money.

“So you’ll look after the children until we can rebuild?” Storm asked him, and Stark nodded. “Thank you for letting them stay in your mansion.” She replied sadly. “Most of them have nowhere to go right now.”

“You sure you’re house is the best place for a bunch of kids, bub?” Logan asked, and Stark looked at him.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” He asked, and both Storm and Hank glanced at Logan, waiting for his answer.

Logan raised an eyebrow, studying Stark for any sign that he realized what Logan had just figured out. Maybe the guy was trying to change, or maybe he was just trying to hide it. “Just keep them away from the booze.” Logan replied, and Tony Stark glared at him.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“[ **Fire** , water and **government** know nothing of mercy.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/fire-water_and_government_know_nothing_of_mercy/6980.html)”

**~**  Unknown ~

 

**Chapter 14**

John glanced up as the guy with wings walked into the room. “Boy, everyone wants to pay the prisoner a visit today.” He said sarcastically.

Warren looked at the Vision, not phased by his strange appearance at all. “Your wife called.” The emotionless guard suddenly looked concerned. “They uh, they asked me to watch him. I guess everyone else is busy.” He explained.

Vision nodded. “Thank you.” And having said only that, he walked through the wall, leaving Warren with a near stranger.

He’d only heard bits and parts of John’s story, but it was enough to let him know that the mutant he now watched guard over, did pose a threat. So, he kept his eyes on him as he walked over and sat down on the couch. Wings folded carefully so as to not lose any feathers, Warren sighed. This was on his list of things he really didn’t want to deal with right now.

“Everyone’s busy doing what?” John asked, sitting up. He’d been lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, completely ignoring anything else until now. Because if the others were all busy doing something, and he was stuck here in this fucking room, he at least wanted to know what he was missing out on.

“They’re looking for Senator Trask.” Was Warren’s simple answer.

John thought for a moment, and then looked up from his lighter. “So, you really fly?”

“No.” Warren said, and John raised an eyebrow. “The wings just make me look pretty.” Warren added sarcastically.

“Okay, a bit touchy about it.” John concluded, smirking. He loved finding the right nerves to mess with when he first met people. If he knew how to get them angry, he could easily find their weakness as well.

“So, you really betray them?” Warren asked, and it was John’s turn to not like the direction their conversation was going in.

“I didn’t…I just…” He sighed and flicked his lighter open. He had tried to kill them all. More than once. And he’d almost succeeded. But time changed a person, and now the only one he really wanted to kill anymore was Bobby. Oh and maybe Jubilee too. But other than that, John wasn’t going to attack anyone like before.

“How come you’re not with them?” John asked, suddenly realizing that this guy had seemed like a part of the team but had been left behind after all.

Warren shrugged casually. “I guess they still don’t trust me.”

“Why?” John was curious. This guy seemed—in every sense of the word—to be an angel, so why would the self-righteous X-Men not welcome him into their fold? He pondered that as he continued to flick his lighter open and closed.

“My father invented the cure.” John stopped flicking his lighter, just froze completely when Warren gave him that answer.

The _cure_. The damn thing that had paralyzed him for weeks, had gotten him nearly beaten to death, had forced him to find refuge with Kitty—who didn’t deserve all the baggage that came from helping him. The damn fucking cure that was the cause of the Virus.

John’s eyes shifted as he looked up at Warren, who, oddly enough, seemed unafraid of him. “Worthington.” He concluded bitterly. Warren merely nodded in acknowledgement that, yeah, that was who he was.

“ _You’re_ the reason, aren’t you?” John asked. “Daddy couldn’t handle his kid flying around like a fairy, so he came up with something that would destroy all of us.”

“He didn’t alter it into the Virus.” Warren said quickly, his tone changing from casual to almost dangerous. “He didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Well he fucking did!” John screamed, standing up. “He tore peoples’ lives apart! And now…” John shook his head, “Now even more of us are dying, and it all started with _you_!”

“Sit back down.” Warren said, standing up. His tone wasn’t demanded, but it wasn’t a request either.

“No!” John flicked his lighter open. “No, you’re the reason for all of this!” _The reason I have to watch her die a little each time she looks at the damn Russian._ “You ruined my life, you know that!?” _Because now I actually care about something that won’t burn when you touch it._ “You fucking ruined everything!”

“Sit down.” Warren said, eyes narrowing as he gave John a warning look. And when John decided to ignore him and flick his lighter on, Warren grabbed him and threw him across the room with unnatural strength.

“The wings come with other surprises.” Warren said, giving John an amused grin when he saw the way he reacted in shock. “Don’t tempt me to prove it anymore.” He honestly didn’t want to hurt John. Whatever he’d done in the past had nothing to do with Warren, so what the hell did he care?

XXXXXXXX

The X- suit could make her look brave and confident, but it didn’t mean that Kitty really was. Her mind was being torn apart from every direction it seemed. Bobby had been unusually quiet, had ignored her when she asked him what had happened with John. And not only that, he seemed uncomfortable around her now. It was odd, and it bothered her.

She was worried about Peter. Kitty had already called his sister and told her to make arrangements to get to the US in the next week. She hated it, but she wanted the girl to be able to say goodbye at least.

And John? He was confusing her so much she didn’t even want to try and figure him out anymore. One minute he was cold and indifferent, and the next he was giving her the comfort she needed. Hot and cold, on and off. He kept switching. And the only consistency she could find was that he reacted when _she_ was feeling something.

“You okay?” Kitty awoke from her thoughts and glanced at Rogue.

“Fine.” She lied, giving her friend a smile.

“I know ya want to believe tha’ he’s changed.” Rogue started, and there was no need for an explanation as to who ‘he’ was. “But the thing is, he never does. He just tears at the people who care about him until they can’t take it anymore. And then he leaves.” She was a bit bitter, even Kitty could see that. And it made sense. She and Bobby had spent the most time with John before he’d left. She didn’t know if they had really ever been friends, but there was a certain aspect to their time together that she was sure made it at least close to being friends.

Kitty wanted to argue, but there was some truth to her friend’s words. Of course, only she knew the reason he probably did try to ruin people—self preservation. John just didn’t know how to care and be able to handle it. The concept of giving a damn, really caring, was completely foreign to him. And he saw it as a weakness, so he fought against it.

“So just,” Rogue hesitated, then finished quietly so that Bobby couldn’t hear, “Don’t get too attached.”

_Too late._ Kitty thought, glancing out the window.

Luckily, they were landing, so Kitty didn’t have to keep up her conversation with Rogue. She wasn’t sure what she would have done if they had kept talking. She didn’t like the conclusions her mind was coming to. Or maybe she did like them, and that right there was the actual problem in all of it.

“Okay, this is a simple meeting.” Storm was explaining once they had landed, as Logan stood at the side casually, rolling his eyes about what she was saying. “We’re not here to fight.”

“Then why did you bring us along?” Bobby asked. They younger X-Men all looked up, waiting for an answer.

“Because we’re a team.” There was no hesitation in Storm’s reply. She had been waiting for one of them to ask that question. “We can fight well together—we saw that at Alcatraz.” The look on Logan’s face changed as dramatically as the feeling in the room did.

The X-Jet was small enough already, but bringing up Alcatraz made Logan feel like he was stuffed into a tiny, dark box with no way out. Everyone had tried so carefully to _not_ talk about it since it had happened, but they had all known that eventually it would come up again. Storm noticed his reaction and made a mental note to apologize later. But right now, she needed to give them a little pep talk to get the younger X-Men ready for what they were about to do.

“Senator Trask has made his opinion of mutants known more than once, and it’s anything but positive.” Storm told them. “But I think, if we speak to him calmly, he may be willing to make some sort of deal and call these Sentinels off.” Logan scoffed at that, earning him a side glanced glare from Storm.

“Again, isn’t this something you and Logan could have done?” Bobby asked. Rogue glanced at her boyfriend, wondering why he was so hesitant to do this.

“Yes.” Storm answered. “But it’s better coming from the X-Men.” In days gone by they would have simply had the Professor or Dr. Grey deal with the politics, because they were both much better at it. But those days were gone now, and they had to deal with it without the two people who had always helped the most in this area.

“Okay.” Bobby said in reply. “Let’s go.” He stood up, and Kitty glanced at him.

Bobby always looked so professional in his X-suit, as did the others. And there was a certain feeling that wearing the suit gave you—like you really were part of a team that made a difference. The only one who ever seemed uncomfortable in it was Logan—who usually preferred more ‘rugged’ clothes. But even he looked incredible in it.

But Kitty felt so small that even wearing the suit didn’t make a difference. She was afraid, and if someone had asked her she would have not hesitated in admitting it. Kitty Pryde was afraid that when they got back to the mansion, she’d get the news that Peter had died. The idea of leaving him behind for even only a few hours had caused such anxiety at first that Storm had had to take the girl aside and explain why she needed to go with them.

“He’ll be fine.” Storm told Kitty, wrapping an arm around her. It was as if the other woman could read her thoughts sometimes.

“We won’t be here long, right?” Kitty asked.

Logan’s ears perked up on the despair in the girl’s voice and he immediately wished they hadn’t brought the kids along. They were X-Men, yes, but they were still just kids. And he hated how they had to forget that fact sometimes just to survive.

“Yes.” Storm said, in answer to Kitty’s question. Though when Logan caught her eye, Storm seemed a bit unsure herself. And that was never a good sign.

The Senator made them wait in the lobby for a good 30 minutes. And right when Logan was about to kick down his door and demand some time, his secretary let them in. The rest of them took the seats offered, but Logan stood, glaring at the other man—who had yet to look up from his paperwork and acknowledge their presence.

But Logan had promised to let Storm do the talking. And he knew there would be hell to pay if he broke that promise. Rogue looked at Logan, as if to ask why he hadn’t done anything yet, and then she glanced back at the Senator when he spoke.

“I’m sorry about the school.” He said, but there was no regret in his voice. He didn’t really care, and they could tell.

“Senator, we…”

He finally looked up at them, and Storm paused. “I know why you’re here.” He glanced at them each in turn, recognizing them from files he’d seen, making mental notes of what their individual abilities were. Then he looked down at his papers again.

“Then you’ll understand that we…”

“I made them for a reason.” He said, interrupting her again. Logan was getting furious. “And it, honestly, wasn’t this.” Everyone waited for the Senators explanation. “I programmed them to locate mutants, gather the dangerous ones, those few,” You could tell in the way he said it that he believed there were a great deal more, “who pose a threat to humanity.”

Studying the Senator’s face, Kitty noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he had aged before his time, like he was exhausted completely. She had seen him in interviews on the news only weeks before where he’d looked years younger. And he seemed worried, almost as worried as _they_ were. She wondered what he had to be worried about.

“Their programming, it…it was supposed to be flawless.” Trask continued to explain, and suddenly Kitty knew what he was going to say. “But they’re machines.” He looked angry now, thinking on what they had done. “Their interpretation of which mutants are evil is completely merciless.”

“They see all mutants as threats.” Kitty concluded, her technological mind putting two and two together. “They think they’re following their programming by getting rid of us all.”

“Yes.” The Senator agreed, looking a little impressed with her conclusion. And then the worry returned as he continued, “Their thought process is unchangeable, absolute. The idea of an exception to the rule doesn’t even exist for them.”

“So, you’re saying that they’re out of control?” Logan asked. “That you let these things walk around like this?”

“I didn’t plan on it turning out this way.” The Senator argued, though his voice sounded tired rather than angry. “I…I don’t know how to stop them.”

“If the next words out of your mouth are ‘can you help me’ I swear…” Storm placed a hand on Logan’s chest to keep him from lunging at the Senator. She turned her attention back to Trask.

“There has to be a weakness you programmed into them.” Storm told him. “Anything, however small it is.”

Kitty, whose mind had been racing with the possible outcomes of the situation now that she had more detail, spoke up then. “They’re going to go after humans eventually.” She announced. “They’ll conclude that humanity is a threat to itself. We have to stop them.” She looked at Storm and Logan. Bobby and Rogue stayed quiet, also looking to their mentors.

“This isn’t like anything we’ve faced before.” Storm pointed out. “These things have no hesitation in the violence. There’s no possibility of talking them out of it.”

“Guess we’ll have to kick some metal ass then.” Logan concluded, a slight grin crossing his face at the idea. He preferred a good old fight to the usual attempted ‘negotiations’ the X-Men always tried anyway. The Wolverine wanted to taste some violence, and with something emotionless and not truly alive, he was free to destroy completely. No hesitation when it wasn’t really a person.

“The President has asked me to ask you…” Trask glanced at Logan a bit nervously, “For your help.”

Help them? Help the very people who had designed these things with the thought of controlling the mutant population according to who _they_ decided was dangerous? Help the people who had first created the cure, then altered it to kill? Why was it that these people were always fucking with their lives then asking them to clean up the mess? Logan almost walked right out of the room.

“Okay.” Storm said quietly, and Rogue looked horrified. Logan carefully masked his face to not show emotion, and Bobby and Kitty just looked at Storm in shock. “But you need to promise us, that the government will put at least _half_ of their funding into finding a cure for the Legacy Virus.”

The mood shifted yet again as Trask’s eyes narrowed. They were in no position to make demands, in his eyes, and this made him furious. “The government was not responsible for the Legacy Virus, and we’re trying our best to find out who was.”

“Really?” Logan asked, raising an eyebrow. “So you’ve got everyone you have out there tracking down who turned the damn ‘cure’ into a killer?” He yelled, and Kitty flinched. “Because there are _kids_ dying from this!” Logan slammed his fist down on Trask’s desk, and it cracked a little.

Storm took a step forward, and Logan backed off, still frustrated but now in control of himself again. “You help us, and we help you.” Storm told the Senator, her voice cool and professional compared to the outburst that had just occurred.

“Fine.” Trask finally agreed.

“I want it on paper.” Storm told him. “I’ll have Dr. McCoy by to review it in a few hours, and after it’s signed you get Dr. Moira Mac Taggart whoever she wants on her team and whatever she needs.”

XXXXXXXX

Kitty walked through the door and Warren jumped in surprise. He actually hadn’t known she could do that, which amused John. And John was more than happy to see Kitty there, because it meant that the fucking fairy didn’t have to stick around anymore and baby-sit him.

She nodded to Warren that it was okay for him to leave, and he did, locking the door behind him. Kitty looked at John, and her face said it all.

“Didn’t go so well, eh?” He asked her, and he was almost worried about what her answer would be.

“Humanity’s not ready for true, evolving artificial intelligence.” Was her confusing-as-hell answer.

“Kitty, what the hell are you talking about?” John asked, standing up and walking over to where she stood.

She looked at the floor, thought about just phasing down and through it, deep down into the ground where she wouldn’t have to deal with anyone or anything but the dirt. But that thought passed as she looked up at John. “They misinterpreted their purpose. They weren’t built to destroy us.” She explained. “And now they want our help to stop them.”

“Who wants our help to stop who?” He asked her, completely confused by the way she was saying things.

“The government!” She snapped, getting frustrated. “They want us to stop them!”

“Okay.” John said, a little surprised by her anger. “And like the good little X-Men you are, you all agreed to, didn’t you?” She looked up at him, the look on her face softened quiet a bit considering she’d just yelled at him. John scoffed in disbelief. “I can’t believe it.”

“John, we can’t just let these things run wild!” Kitty argued.

“Don’t you think I fucking know that!?” He demanded, matching her raised voice. “But to agree to do it for the very people who caused it! How can you people keep doing this!?”

“ ‘You people?’” Kitty asked in disgust. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She folded her arms, waiting for an answer.

“Oh come on, Kitten!” John told her, sighing. “You know I’m not one of you. I’ll never be a fucking X-Man, and I’m damn glad.” He was glad. Who wanted to prance around in a black suit pretending to be the good guys when everyone hated them and saw them as the villains?

Kitty took a shaky step backwards, backing away from him. She stood there, looking at him in disbelief. She wasn’t just appalled, she was hurt. This broke her heart almost as much as watching Peter slowly fade away. She had honestly thought that John was her friend, and now…

He laughed quietly. “Wait, you thought I’d what? Join the team? Fight evil at your side?” John knew he was being an ass, but he just couldn’t help himself. “Did you think you could change me?”

“John, I didn’t…I just…” Kitty felt tears forming in her eyes. They stung. They weren’t her normal tears, the sad little reminders that she was still just a kid. These were tears of utter pain and confusion, tears that screamed she felt betrayed. “I thought maybe…” The words caught in her throat.

“What?” John asked, nearly whispering. He wanted her to finish what she’d been saying. He wanted to know what she had thought would happen. What she had thought would happen with him, or her, or _them_. He wanted to know, and he hated himself for it.

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

“[I still believe that they have the fires **inside** of them. I don't think they're ready for the season to be over quite yet.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i-still-believe-that-they-have-the-fires-inside/1047656.html)”

~  Melissa Lennon ~

 

**Chapter 15**

“John, I didn’t…I just…” Those tears, she hated them! And they were coming more and more frequently now. Her life wasn’t a pleasant experience anymore, and Kitty realized that. “I thought maybe…” The words caught in her throat.

“What?” The way he whispered the question surprised her. They’d been arguing moments before, yelling in each others’ faces, and now he was whispering? And that question. How to answer it?

Kitty knew she could tell him the truth, that she had always hoped he _would_ eventually come back and join the X-Men. Or she could tell him how she had hoped he would actually swallow his pride and realize that he had a friend. What she said to him instead, would have an impact on John Allerdyce for the rest of his life. 

“I thought maybe you would stop being so angry at everything for a moment and see that someone actually, _truly_ cares for you! That when you hurt, someone else feels it! When you’re lonely, there’s someone who wants to be with you! That all of this pain you carry inside your cold heart, the one you’ve become used to ignoring after all of these years, there’s someone that feels that _with_ you and wants to save you from it!” 

The words all came out so fast, and she was trying to catch her breath once they were said. Kitty took a step backwards, almost as surprised by what she’d just admitted as he was.

But not quite. John looked up at her, his eyes looking into hers, and then he glared and looked at the ground. “Get out.” He told her with a bitter voice.

“John, I…”

“Get out!” He shouted. She looked at him in disbelief, shock, fear, and finally hatred, then turned around and walked through the door.

Not this. Anything but this. Let him be left out in the middle of the ocean where no one could save him. Let someone break his lighter into a million pieces so that it wasn’t fixable. Tear his heart right out of his chest, but not _this_!

He leaned back against the wall, eyes wide as he looked around the empty room. John’s vision started to blur and he fought it but lost. Sliding his back down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, head in his hands, he still tried to fight it. He tried to ignore it and make it go away, to pretend like it wasn’t happening, like it _couldn’t_ happen. 

But it was.

The first tear to fall from his eyes slid down his hand and onto his arm. He tried to ignore it, but it was followed by two more. And soon he couldn’t even count the tears coming from his eyes. He sucked in his breath, thinking that maybe if he didn’t breathe the tears would stop, have nothing to fuel their movements. But he started to tremble.

His hands held onto his head so tightly that his knuckles were turning white, as John still tried to stop what was already happening. He tried to will it all away, make it so that he felt nothing, so that he was numb again, like before when crying hadn’t even been a possibility.

But he wasn’t just crying anymore. He couldn’t fight the sobs that started deep in his chest and fought their way out, clawing up through his chest, past his heart, through his throat and out into the tiny guest room he was locked in.

“… _and wants to save you from it!”_  

The ring of her words in his mind only made it harder to regain his composure, and so finally he just gave up and gave in. The trembling took over and there were so many tears that he couldn’t see anymore and didn’t even bother to try.

He’d been a broken man when he’d met Kitty Pryde. Completely lost and defiant, a rebel with a cause he couldn’t even remember anymore and didn’t bother to try. He’d been a small flame amongst a bonfire of tumultuous reality. He’d been bleeding and cut and damaged and wounded in more ways than one, and she’d taken him in. 

She had cleaned his physical wounds, had bound together his emotional wounds, had prevented his self-destruction, because that had been where he was headed. She’d lain under a bed with him when she’d thought it completely silly. She had listened when it was the last thing he had any right to expect. She had talked to him like he was a real person, not a flame-throwing weapon. She had spent time with him when the man she loved was dying. She had defended him from those who were her closest friends and family.

She had _cared_ for him.

And now she had _told_ him how she felt.

And that’s why he’d made her leave. She couldn’t see him like this. She could never see him like this, all vulnerable and completely amazed by how altruistic and amazingly considerate she was. Kitty could never see the way her caring made him whole.

He couldn’t take it. He literally couldn’t breathe, it was so damn overwhelming. The idea that someone did, would always, probably had always cared about him, it made him unable to function properly. 

Him. The kid no one had ever encouraged. The boy who’d burned down his own house. The teenager who’d hated school and never paid attention to what he was supposed to learning. The guy who had left his friends for an ‘enemy’ who constantly fought against them. The man who was now nothing more than a burden to a woman who deserved none of it. She cared about _him_.

Years of self destructive thought processes, of constantly looking to others for what was good in life and finding nothing but more disappointment, all of that time it was rushing through his mind, replaying for him in a flash. Everything that had led up to that one moment where she’d been speaking, and speaking directly to _him_. 

“… _save you from it!”_

_Save_ you from it. From everything, from nothing, from yesterday, and now, and tomorrow. From this one fucking moment where he couldn’t breathe. From the future that held no promises of happiness. From the past that threw defeat and failure at his face. She wanted to _save_ him. 

XXXXXXXX

Kitty stormed into the tiny room and glared at Warren. “He’s all yours.” She said bitterly.

“What did you do?” The other mutant asked, seemingly surprised and a bit shocked. He was looking at her, but every few seconds he would glance at the monitor that showed the live feed from the cameras in John’s guest room.

“What do you mean, what did _I_ do?” Kitty asked, getting irritated. She had yet to glance at the screen herself. “I went in there, tried to talk to him, and he did what he always does—he yelled for a few minutes then pushed me away! I just can’t…” Her face turned as she followed Warren’s line of vision to the monitor, “win.” Kitty finished quietly, staring at the image that played out in front of her. 

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Honestly, what was being broadcast into that surveillance room seemed beyond impossible. It was a trick, a play on the lighting, or John just trying to mess with her. It was a lie, conjured by her exhausted mind after another day of watching her world crumble slowly around her. 

But she heard the sobs as well as saw them. She could see the tears falling down his arms. She could almost _feel_ the way he was trying to fight against it, to stop it and forget it. 

Kitty had to take a seat in a nearby chair to keep from falling to the floor herself. She couldn’t feel the tears falling down her cheeks, wasn’t aware of the heartbroken look she gave as she watched John cry. Warren glanced at her, then back at the screen. He didn’t know what to say or whether to leave or not.

She wanted to go to him, to just run back into that room and wrap her arms around John and hold him the way he’d held her. She wanted to tell him everything would be okay, that it was alright to care, that whatever had happened to him in the past just didn’t matter anymore, because she was here and she wouldn’t let anything bad ever happen to him again. She wanted to comfort him, to bring him the peace he’d never known. She wanted to save him from this.

But she stayed where she sat, watching him on the monitor. To walk into that room right now might be a mistake. He had thrown her out. And now, watching his reaction to what she’d said, she knew why he had told her to get out.

XXXXXXXX 

“Logan!” Storm ran to catch up to him, hand resting on his shoulder to stop him from walking. “Logan, would you just stop for a moment?”

He stopped walking suddenly and turned to look at her. There was a fire of anger in his eyes when he looked at her, but she knew it wasn’t directed to her. “You gonna tell me I made a mistake back there?” He asked, looking right into her eyes. “That I need to learn to control my anger before someone gets hurt? Because I’ve heard it before.”

“No.” Storm replied, and Logan seemed a bit surprised by her reply. “I’m going to tell you that…” She hesitated, looking at the ground, then back up at him. “I’m not sure we’ll be able to stop them.”

Logan sighed, pulling a cigar out of the pocket on his shirt and lighting it. “You just figured that out?” He asked casually. “We’re already dying from a damn virus, killer machines the size of Maine are the last thing we needed right now.”

“Peter’s not gonna make it much longer.” Storm said quietly.

Logan took on a serious face again, taking a drag of his cigar as he thought on what she’d just said. “I hate this world.” He commented darkly.

“Logan…”

“We save them, over and over and over again, and they still try to kill us. Where the hell is the logic in that!?” He demanded, every thought he’d had while in Trask’s office now revealing itself through spoken words to the one person he trusted the most.

“We can’t let these Sentinels continue to destroy people.” Storm argued.

“But they’re not destroying people.” Logan told her. “They’re destroying _us_.” He turned and started walking again.

“We’re people too.” She called after him.

“Are we?” Logan asked, not bothering to glance back at her. Storm thought about it for a moment and realized she didn’t know the answer to that question.

XXXXXXXX

“No.” Bobby said simply, and everyone in the room looked at him. It was a few hours after they’d returned from visiting the Senator. Storm and Logan had given them all time to relax for a bit before confronting the fact that they had to act, and act soon or more would be the victims of both the virus and the Sentinels. Now, though, Storm had just revealed to them all that no one was to be left behind this time.

“Bobby, this isn’t up for debate.” Storm told him, using the voice she reserved for those replies she was not willing to argue over. “These Sentinels are 50 times our size, smarter and better equipped than us. We need _everyone_.”

“No.” Bobby said again, shaking his head this time. “I don’t trust him, and to tell you the truth I never really did.” He glanced at Kitty. “I don’t want to go into battle with him there every step of the way. For all we know he’ll save them some time and take a few of us out himself.” 

“Bobby!” Rogue said, surprised that he would say something like this with Kitty standing in the room. 

“I just don’t trust him.” Bobby told her. There was more than bitterness behind those words, there was pure, dirty hatred. He didn’t just dislike John, he _hated_ him completely, and for once hate wasn’t a strong enough word to explain it. “If he goes along, I’m staying behind.” He finally added. 

Bobby Drake knew what he was telling them was stupid. To stay behind when the X-Men needed his help was not, and never would be, an option for him personally. But he just couldn’t stand side by side with…

“John’s not the villain you think he is.” Kitty told him quietly. She could still see that image of his tiny form on the screen, crying on the ground as he nearly fell apart over something she had said.

Bobby glared at her. “You weren’t there the day he left.” It was a hostile reply, but he didn’t raise his voice.

Logan sighed and everyone looked at him. He glanced up at Warren. “You haven’t said much, kid. You in?” 

Warren thought for a moment. Memories of trying to hide his wings flooding the front of his mind, playing out back behind his eyes on a slideshow only he could see. Memories of the look on his father’s face when he opened that bathroom door to find his son bloody and weeping.

“Sure.” He replied. “You can use everyone you got for these machines, so I’m in.”

Logan nodded in appreciation, and then glanced at Storm.

“Okay,” Storm said, the attention turned back to her. “We do this tomorrow.” 

“Where?” Rogue asked.

“The school.” Storm answered, her voice catching in her throat at the idea of that mansion as nothing more than rubble. “They’ve already destroyed it. We want to avoid them destroying anything else, so we take them to the battleground they created.” 

“Now,” Logan said, stealing their attention yet again, “Go get ready.” The younger mutants turned to leave the room behind Storm, but Logan stopped Bobby. “Hey, Iceman.” Bobby paused, looking at Logan. “If the Avengers weren’t off busy saving the world for some government funding, we’d have them help instead, but they’re more than a little busy right now, and our options are running low. We need everyone who’s able to fight to go with us.” 

They couldn’t bring Peter along. Both of them knew this was what Logan was referring to by ‘everyone who’s able’. “And I know that you and John,” Logan continued, “bring new meaning to the word ‘rivals.’ But you need to forget that tomorrow and act professionally. We’ll need you out there.”

Bobby hesitated, and then spoke quietly. “I accidentally hit her trying to get to him.” He explained. “Kitty just, she was in the way, and I thought she’d just phase my hand right through, but…” He was feeling beyond guilty. 

Logan raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell this kid was going on about. “I’m not your therapist, kid.”

“I know.” Bobby agreed with a slight grin. “I just don’t know how to fix it.” 

“Have you tried an apology?” Logan asked sarcastically.

XXXXXXXX

Kitty walked through the wall slowly, carefully, expecting to see John still by the wall crying. But he wasn’t. He was sitting on the couch, just staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought. In fact, there was no sign at all that he’d broken down like he had, and she decided that she would go along as if she didn’t know he had. 

“We’re going after them tomorrow.” Kitty told him quietly. He seemed indifferent to her presence. “And, I needed to ask you a favor.” John turned his head to look at her.

“What is it?” He asked her.


	16. Chapter 16

 

“I can't change my ideals, I can't put out the **fire**.”

~   [SEAL](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/john_parker/) “Newborn Friend” ~

 

 **Chapter 16**  

“I want you to go with us tomorrow.”

She couldn’t be serious. John decided that this was some kind of joke and actually laughed in response. “John, _please_ , this is serious!” Kitty told him, voice frantic. And his laughter died as he looked up at her. She _was_ serious.

John sighed and shook his head in disbelief, looking at the floor, then at the lighter he held in his hands. That lighter was more a part of him than anything else in the world. It was his soul embodied in physical form. Could be switched on and off, tossed aside, used, or forgotten. 

“John,” Her hand reached up to rest on his shoulder as she looked up at his face, trying to catch his full attention again, “We need your help.” 

“Please don’t ask me to do this.” He said, taking a step back. Her hand fell from his shoulder to his chest, and finally back down at her side. “Please, Kitty, just…”

“John…”

“Don’t.” He looked up at her. 

“I…” She hesitated, tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t have any choice. Peter’s so weak he can barely speak. The X-Men need everyone they can get, and that includes you right now. These Sentinels,” She scoffed, “you just don’t get it. They have no concept of mercy. They’re just going to get worse.”

“Tell me to leave.” He begged, his voice almost snappish. “Please, ask me to leave, ask me to burn myself, ask me to just go away and die. I don’t fucking care what you ask me to do, just don’t ask me this!”

He heard thunder somewhere off to the distance outside. Was it going to start raining again!? Damn it, why now? He was furious. Furious that she would even consider asking him to help them, furious that she still thought he would actually be a part of the damn team, furious that she was standing there expecting an answer other than the one he had just given her. He hated her in that moment. And yet, he felt anything _but_ hate for Kitty. 

“People are dying!” She shouted at him hysterically, the tears making trails down her cheeks. “ _Peter_ is dying! He’s fucking fading right in front of my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it! And these Sentinels, these _machines_ , they make me wonder why I ever loved technology to begin with! They make me wonder how a man can become so twisted that he even thinks up the idea for them! I _need_ you to come with us tomorrow! We need your help!” 

“I can’t!” He yelled in response. “I just can’t, okay? I’ll never be a part of the team, and I don’t want to be! And I sure as hell won’t fight right beside them!” 

“Do it for me!” She said suddenly, and John froze. He stopped breathing for a moment, and she just looked at him, unsure of how he would respond. “Do it for me.” She added, quietly speaking now, almost whispering. “Please.” 

She looked at the ground through her tears, ashamed and unable to face him, because she was sure that what she was asking and the way she was asking it would be thrown back in her face. He would never do anything for her, probably didn’t even care about her. “Please, if you won’t do it for them, do it for _me_.” She told him.

Kitty felt her chin being lifted gently by his hand so that he could look into her teary eyes. John just stood there for a moment, staring down at her. He noticed the way her tears slipped down her skin as if they belonged there. Too often she’d cried lately.

For her? Join the people he hated and fight for a world that hated him even more? Wear one of those ridiculous outfits and prance around in the name of justice and goodness and every other fluffy thing in the universe? Be one of the supposed ‘good guys’ for a day, when the entire world could see and probably would?

And do it all for _her_?

His voice was quiet, so little in a room that was already too small. And he tasted the word as it escaped from his mouth, bitter like an old penny some stupid kid had picked up off of the ground and wiped on his shirt maybe once to clean it. He could almost see it roll over his tongue and out onto her face—because he was still holding her chin gently, and she was standing quite close.

“Okay.” 

Kitty’s eyes lit up and her lips curled into a smile, and suddenly undermining his reputation for a day didn’t seem so bad. Because no matter what happened tomorrow, it was worth it to see her smile today.

“Thank you.” She said, and then she made an unexpected move and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. His first urge was to resist, to push her away and break the hug, but Kitty wouldn’t allow it. She simply phased his arms through her when he tried, still holding him close. It frustrated him, because she was hugging him, and she wasn’t giving him the chance to get away, and he honestly didn’t know how it was possible for her to do so.

“Kitty, I don’t…”

“John, just shut up.” She told him quietly, and he suddenly realized that she needed this. She needed this the way she’d needed to beat up on him the other night. She needed this the way she needed the stupid Russian to get up and walk away, tell everyone it had been a big mistake and he hadn’t been dying. She needed this the way she’d needed him to agree to help her. 

So, he gave in.

Arms that weren’t used to causing anything but destruction, arms that had only ever held someone for comfort once—and recently—arms that were usually cold and uninviting, they wrapped around her tiny frame and held onto her. 

She wasn’t crying this time, and he couldn’t believe what a difference that made. A hug, a simple fucking hug, but she was trembling. Kitty Pryde seemed to be clinging to him to keep standing. 

Rain started pounding on the window, and he glanced at it for a moment, and then looked back down at her, with her head buried in his chest, just resting there. His feet shuffled slightly, not used to standing still for something like this, and she tightened her grip around him, as if afraid he would run away. Fingers locked with the back of his shirt, pulling him closer still. 

And his hands rested gently on her upper back, no pressure, just there. He was afraid to touch her, afraid that his hands would go through her. Or worse, that they wouldn’t. Because that would mean that she wanted him to touch her. 

But it was a hug. A simple hug between two friends—that’s what they were, he decided—who needed some comfort at this point in their young lives. He rested his chin on the top of her head, vaguely aware of the floral scent of her hair, and closed his eyes.

John would keep this moment. Keep it for later, when the world came crashing down around him again and everything else failed him. When reality kicked him in the face and he was alone again. He would keep this moment, and he would use it to survive.

Never in a million years had Kitty expected herself to be there now, huddled against his slightly muscular frame as she tried her best to not cry again. Yet here she was. And his closeness, it felt like a long lost dream, like something she had known before but been denied for so long she’d forgotten it. It felt completely natural. It felt _perfect_.

She turned her head, still leaning it against him, and looked at the rain as it pattered against the window. Water seeping down the other side of the glass as if it were bleeding, collecting in a puddle on the windowsill. She could feel the cold that started to make its way through the walls, not held back by anything tangible, like herself.

And yet she was holding onto something tangible now, someone who made her want to be completely there all of the time just for the sake of knowing that he could hold her like this if he wanted to, even if he didn’t.

Wind slammed the rain against the windowpane, killing any last bit of silence that lingered in the room. Outside the storm was raging, building with a momentum that wouldn’t be stopped, but inside the clouds had cleared the sky, giving sight to a most spectacular possibility that neither of them wanted to admit aloud.

XXXXXXXX

It wasn’t right. Weeks before she’d almost been his, and now she was with this bastard? Bobby glared at the monitor, watching them stand there hugging each other. It made him sick. She needed comfort because of Peter, he got that. But this?

The urge to bust into the room and freeze John for good was overwhelming. Make him into an ice sculpture then shatter him. And then, use his own fucking lighter to melt all the tiny little fragments of the monster he had been.

Kitty didn’t know what she was getting into. She couldn’t, or she wouldn’t have been doing this. It tore at Bobby’s heart. He was with Rogue—he _loved_ Rogue—but he cared for Kitty as well.

“Uh, hey, you probably shouldn’t be…” Bobby glared at Warren, who stopped what he’d been about to say before he got too far. Yeah, they had Wing Boy on watch, but that didn’t mean no one else was allowed to see what was going on in that guestroom.

“She’s a fool.” Bobby said simply, before storming out of the room. He’d gone there to apologize, but any thoughts of being sorry were now gone. 

Warren watched him leave, and then glanced back at the monitor. From all he’d seen of Kitty and John, he couldn’t understand what Bobby was talking about. A brief retelling of the story of John’s ‘betrayal’ and he still hadn’t been convinced that John was the bad guy they all made him out to be. 

Maybe it was because he’d watched, with Kitty, as John had broken down and shown all of his vulnerability. Or maybe it was that Warren noticed the way John looked at her, the millisecond of an appreciative glance that only his keen eyes caught. 

Whatever it was though, he was thoroughly convinced that Kitty was anything _but_ a fool. 

XXXXXXXX

 A few hours later, Kitty was back with Peter by his bedside, and John found himself alone in the guest room. He could still smell the scent of her hair, feel the warmth of her so close, and it bothered him.

His mind took him back a few years before he’d even showed up at Xavier’s school. He’d been sitting in his room as a kid, listening to the house, pretending he could hear the sounds of people walking around and living their lives in the other rooms. But all he heard was silence. 

His childhood had been a lonely one, to say the least. His parents weren’t married to each other, they were married to their damn work. It was all they cared about until the day they learned he was a mutant. And they had to have known he was the reason the house burned the night he ran away.

They hadn’t been home. They were never home, so burning down the house brought no danger to anyone. He threw the flames too far to the right—he’d only just began learning how to control it—and suddenly the house was a bonfire of tattered memories. 

He had turned his back and walked away. And John hadn’t looked back, hadn’t even been tempted. It still amazed him how easily he had walked away. No one had noticed a young boy slip past the fire engines and police. Too much noise and confusion for them to pay attention to him. 

There had been no looking back after that. Ever. Until now. Sitting there alone in that room, thinking about things he hadn’t paid any thought to in years, a decade nearly. Kitty was bringing his past back for him, and he didn’t understand why. She was making him glance back at memories he’d thrown into a tiny box and locked away ages ago. She was breaking his barriers and setting every part of him free. 

John could still remember those first few moments after being ‘cured’. No more fire, no more already false enough confidence, no more purpose, and then her. And that empty space in his soul where the flames and heat had once been was filled with her presence, her simple little half smile, the way she phased through the bed to lay underneath it with him. 

He literally shook his head, trying to get the thoughts of Kitty out of his mind. He realized she was taking up most of his thought space lately, and that pissed him off. If he didn’t have control of what he was thinking, then what good was the ability to control fire? 

Couldn’t create the flame, only manipulate it. _She’d_ created the flame long before the ‘cure’ had worn off. His mouth fell open as this realization hit him like a brick wall. And suddenly he needed to get out of that fucking room. 

John stood up, flicking his lighter one more time before tucking it into his pocket and walking over to the door. He reached for the handle, turned it, and expected someone to rush in and tackle him, handcuff him and read him what few rights they would allow a mutant. No one came. 

But the door was still locked. “Damn it.” He pulled his lighter back out, flicking it on, and grabbed the door handle again with a ball of flame on his palm this time. He waited a moment until he felt the metal start to sizzle, then he tightened his grip and it collapsed into his hand in a melted mess. He let go of it for a moment, letting the metal cool somewhat, and then tried turning it again.

There was a simple ‘click’ and John was free.


	17. Chapter 17

 

“My eyes burn from these tears  
You'd think I'd learn over these years.”

~   Matchbook Romance “My Eyes Burn” ~

 

**Chapter 17**

He’d forgotten it was raining outside. But it wasn’t just raining, it was pouring. Cold drops of water that fell onto his clothes, soaking him through and through, making him shiver and put his lighter away in his pocket—because it did no good when it was wet.

The sky was a canvas of shaded grays, splattered and shaped across the horizon to give the Avengers’ Mansion an eerie feeling to it. It was like the entire atmosphere was spitting down at him, reminding John that nothing good had ever happened for him in the end. 

Tomorrow they’d go to the battleground the Sentinel’s had already created, and they would fight for their lives until someone actually _did_ die, and then Storm would call a retreat. After that there would come a few days of mourning, the guilt that would never quite leave, and pep talks that were supposed to help them both forget those gone and accept it. 

The thought of it all made him sick, because John knew that if _he_ was the one to die they would skip the first few steps and just forget about him. Suddenly he wondered if it had been the X-Men asking him to help or Kitty on her own. That would make a definite difference in his willingness to go. 

John paused at the sidewalk just across from the Mansion. He stood there for a moment, and the world seemed to play out for him in slow motion. People walking by, living their normal lives without a mutant care in the world. What he wouldn’t give to just live a life like that, where he didn’t have to worry about a girl who could walk through walls and saving the world wasn’t something he reluctantly agreed to do almost on a daily basis.

What would happen in this battle tomorrow? He pondered that as he started crossing the street. Everyone was trying to cover themselves from the rain, but he honestly didn’t care anymore. The water bit at the few cuts Bobby had managed to give him during their fight, but other than that he hardly felt it. Except for the cold.

Breathing was hard when it was so cold. It was like his lungs were freezing from the inside out, making every breath nothing more than a cold puff of smoke. He much preferred the summer heat to this, but the rain itself was nice. 

He needed to get out of this city. He needed to just start running and not stop until he hit a countryside that was desolate and welcoming or cold, stone mountains he could throw flames at without damaging. But mostly, he needed to get away from _her_. 

She was ruining him.

Every last bit of courage and self-respect he’d had since Alcatraz had been eaten away by that little half smile she gave him for no reason at all. She was stripping his soul of everything that made him Pyro, and bringing back what had made him John.

Letting her use his real name had seemed harmless at first, but now he actually answered to it when anyone used it, and he hadn’t done that since before leaving the school. And not only that, it almost irritated him when someone called him ‘Pyro’ instead.

“ _What’s your_ real _name, John?”_

He paused where he stood again, glancing back across the street at the Mansion. It didn’t matter now. None of it mattered. She could spend her time with the dying Tinman, and he could search the world over until he found a purpose that didn’t include her, and everything would work out.

Pulling the lighter out of his pocket, he looked down at it in his hand. Thumb caressed the stupid shark picture he’d kept on it even after all this time. The things that lighter had seen with him, helped him do.

“You can’t hurt me.” He turned around quickly to look at Kitty, wondering how the hell she’d been able to sneak up on him like that. “But if you walk away right now,” She continued quietly, and he could barely hear her over the rain that was starting to fall harder, “you will.”

“Shouldn’t you be comforting your boyfriend right now?” He asked, almost yelling over the rain that was pounding around them now. He took a few steps backwards into an alley so that they weren’t blocking the sidewalk, and she followed him.

“Peter’s fine.” She lied—and he knew she lied by the look in her eyes.

“They can’t keep me locked in that room forever.” He argued, pointing back at the Mansion.

“Apparently.” She said, flashing that half grin that would be the death of him.

He looked down at the lighter in his hand again, barely able to see it in the rain. His shirt felt heavy, like it was weighing him down to the ground as it collected even more water, just soaked it up and added to the burden he’d once been able to ignore. Her hair was plastered to her face when he looked up to see it, and she seemed to be waiting for something.

“We’ll get sick if we stand out here much longer.” She finally told him, smile changed to a look of concern.

“Kitty, what do you believe in?” He asked. She didn’t quite know how to take that question, it was written all over her face. John knew he could read the looks on her face now more easily than anyone else. 

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Do you believe in this? In all of these ‘missions’ they take you along for? In all these fights the X-Men make front page news with?” He watched her face, looking for any change that would be visible even with the pouring rain casting a light sheet in front of her. It pounded on the cement they stood on, making it hard to hear, but not entirely impossible. 

“Yes.” Kitty answered. “Yes, I believe in it. If we don’t protect this world, no one will.”

He scoffed. “Right. Because The Avengers and the Fantastic Four, and fucking Spiderman and all of them just run around in goofy costumes for the hell of it.”

“There are things _they_ can’t even face.” Kitty told him, her voice dead serious, and the look on her face even more so. He would have mentioned that what she really should have said was there were things they _wouldn’t_ face, but he didn’t. “We do it, because it’s right.” 

“Is it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Does this world really need your help?” She seemed to actually consider that for a moment, and he watched the confusion play out in front of her eyes. Kitty had never considered that the world might actually _not_ need them. “Would they really have created a virus with genocidal intentions if they needed us?”

“Sometimes,” Kitty said, moving closer so that he could hear her over the storm, “Sometimes it’s not about them.” It was his turn to think on what she was saying. “I believe in fighting to protect this world.” She told him. “But I also believe in _you_.”

Damn it. 

“Kitten, don’t say that.” He said, turning his back to her with the intention to walk away. But his feet were frozen in place, he just couldn’t move, not even one step.

“Why not?” She asked, moving to stand in front of him, to look up into his face. “It’s the truth.”

“Because,” He paused, looking down at her, “It just makes everything harder.” 

“There’s nothing hard about believing in someone else.” She told him. “Nothing at all. You just need faith that…”

“Faith?” He scoffed in disbelief. “Faith that one day this world will end in fire, and you’ll finally be free? Faith that someday they’ll see you and realize that you made a good choice when you left? Faith that your parents never really feared you, they just didn’t know how to accept you after you could control the fireplace? 

Her face changed as she listened to him talk about himself. And then he started talking about her instead. “Faith that the teacher you miss so fucking badly died for a reason, rather than just to stall the woman who ended up dying anyway after killing hundreds? Faith that you live in a world where your teachers don’t become the monsters you fight? Faith that whatever the hell they teach you in a school that’s now nothing but a war zone, is actually useful information that will make a difference in your life someday?” 

“I don’t believe in faith.” John told her bitterly. “The rules of this life are simple: live and don’t care and then you’ll have nothing to lose. Caring makes you vulnerable.” 

“No!” She snapped quickly. “No, caring makes you stronger!” Kitty told him, with a voice that said she truly believed it. She hated what she was hearing coming from him, because she had always suspected he felt this way but didn’t want the actual proof. “It gives you something to focus on besides yourself.” He glared at her. “It gives you something to _believe_ in.” 

“It gives you something to _lose_!” He reminded her. John tried to take a step forward and away from her, but her hand firmly on his chest made him stop. His wet shirt was clinging to her skin now, and he could feel the raindrops that bounced off of her skin onto his shirt. 

“I was afraid.” She admitted. “Afraid to fight, to leave the school, to leave Peter, but I…” Her eyes searched his, trying to get some confirmation that he actually was listening to her. He was. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

“Why are you telling me this?” He asked, and his tone was almost accusing. He didn’t want to hear this. John could care less if she had found some inner peace with the life she was forced to live with these fucking X-Men.

“Because you’re the reason.” A simple answer, but it made him almost literally fall to the ground. She caught him before he did, helped him lean against the closest wall, her hands still on his sides, there to catch him if he fell again.

“Say that again.” He told her quietly, staring at the ground as the rain collected in large puddles that were starting to merge together. 

“You’re the reason, John.” Kitty repeated, face close so that she could say it quietly and still be heard. “And that’s why if you go, if you just walk away, I won’t be able to survive this battle tomorrow.” He could hear the tears in her voice.

He turned his face to look at her, brushing some wet hair out of her face and back behind her ear.

He knew what he _wanted_ to say, but it wasn’t what he had to say. The girl who could walk through walls had torn all of his down. He was naked in front of her, so to speak, and she didn’t even know it. Or maybe she did.

XXXXXXXX

“ _Я люблю Вас.”_  

She heard Peter’s words from earlier that day ringing through her head over and over again. Kitty Pryde was being torn apart, sitting there watching him sleep. His breathing was labored from pain, and she hated seeing him like this. He was always the strong one, yet here he lay, close to death. 

Kitty wished he was better, wished he could go with them to face the Sentinels. She had never gone to battle without Peter, and the thought of doing so made her nervous. She held his hand gently, smiling sadly as she watched over him. 

Storm stood in the doorway for a moment, aware that her presence wasn’t yet known to the girl. It was sad, young love killed so early. These two had the potential to have happy lives together. Storm could see it in everything they did. 

Peter Rasputin was completely in love with Kitty. They’d dated for a while a few years back, and then broken up, but Peter had never completely gotten over it. And, apparently as was now very obvious, neither had Kitty. 

“Kitty.” Storm reluctantly broke the moment as the girl looked up at the sound of her name. “It’s time.”

Kitty glanced back at Peter, then back up at Storm. “Okay.” She said sadly, leaning down to hug Peter one more time before they had to face the Sentinels. “I’ll see you when I get back.” She promised, whispering into Peter’s ear, hoping that somewhere in his subconscious he heard her. 

XXXXXXXX 

“I hate pep talks.” Logan announced, lighting his cigar casually the way he always did. “They’re nothing but lies.” He looked up at them, an eyebrow raised in concentration. They all stood there, too young to know the true meaning of war, but thrown onto battle anyway. And in the X-Uniforms they actually looked like an official team. It was a wonder the Senator had been unimpressed by the sight of them upon their visit earlier. 

“And you’re not kids anymore.” Logan told them, “So, I’m going to spare you the dishonesty. Some of you will die.” He took a casual drag from his cigar, ignoring the horrified look Storm gave him. She had trusted him to talk to them beforehand with the idea that he _wouldn’t_ scare them. 

“That’s the fact.” Logan added. “I don’t want you going into this blind.” Storm opened her mouth to argue, and then paused as he continued. “But there are people who need us. And it’s not just mutants this time.” Logan explained. “So we do this, as a team,” He glanced at Bobby, then at John—a warning. “And we save these people, even though they’ve hated us and tried to kill us more than once. We do this.” 

John felt completely out of place. The stupid X-men uniform wasn’t comfortable the way they’d promised, and he was itching to just get out of it. It symbolized something he was only doing because Kitty had asked him to. 

When it was clear that Logan was done talking, they all started for the X-Jet, but Logan’s hand on John’s shoulder made him pause behind the rest. He glanced at the Wolverine, expecting some harsh words about how he wasn’t trusted and never would be. But what his old teacher said to him was actually quite the opposite of this.

“Don’t be your usual reckless self this time. Be careful.” Logan told him. “Because if I have to comfort that girl one more time because someone she cares about has died, I’m going to hold it against you even if you _are_ dead.” 

John, surprised as hell by what he’d just been told, could do nothing but nod. “When the adrenaline starts pumping and you have to choose between beating Bobby’s ass and actually helping, make the right choice.” It was another warning. Again, John nodded, and Logan, satisfied that what had needed to be said had been said, turned and started after the others. 

Bobby stared at the floor. He hadn’t apologized to Kitty yet like he’d meant to, although the image of her standing there hugging John was still burning in the back of his mind. But he didn’t want to go into a life and death situation without saying something to her first. 

“Kitty?” She turned her head to look at Bobby, surprised that he was talking to her—he’d seemed to be avoiding her altogether since she’d tried to break up his fight with John. “I just wanted to say that…” He hesitated as John entered the plane and took a seat in the back next to Rogue. “I’m sorry.” Bobby finally said, looking back at Kitty. 

She looked at him for a moment, and then Kitty smiled slowly. “I know, Bobby. Accidents happen.” In truth she’d forgotten about the entire thing. The only reminder was the way he had been acting so uncomfortable in front of her.

That’s it? That was all it was going to take? Bobby smiled back at her in relief. He’d thought she would never forgive him for it, and he wouldn’t have blamed her if that had been the case. 

And just like that, some of the inner tension of the group was lifted. But, near the back of the plane where John sat a few feet away from Rogue, the tension was still very noticeably there. She was glaring at him, and he had tried to ignore her but finally glanced her way. 

“What?” He asked, as if she had no reason to be irritated by his just being there. 

She just glared at him one last time, then looked forward and tried to concentrate and ignore the fact that in a little while she may have to depend on him for her life. He smirked and glanced up at where Kitty and Bobby were sitting. It sort of irritated him to see them both smiling and talking with each other. Didn’t she remember the part where Bobby had bruised her?

In the copilot’s seat, Logan glanced over at Storm, who seemed a bit more tense than usual. “You okay?” He asked, putting his cigar out on his own palm with only a slight wince at the pain, and then throwing it into a nearby trashcan. 

She looked at him from the corner of her eyes, pretending to be too busy messing with the controls to turn her head. “I’m fine, Logan.” She wasn’t fine. She usually had the Professor in the back of her mind—literally—telling her everything was going to be okay. But this time everything was too quiet, and his absence was especially noticeable. 

“Okay.” He said simply, and she glanced at him, smiling when she saw the grin that told her he’d reacted lightly just to get her to look at him.

“Really, I’ll be okay.” She assured him. And she would, Storm realized, looking at her friend. With Logan by her side, what could go wrong?

But he wasn’t so sure any of them would be okay.

“Okay.” He repeated, and this time there was a slightly relaxed feeling to his voice. He was taking her word on that. And besides, if she crossed any harm, he’d throw her out of the way and take it on himself. Satisfied with that thought, Logan dropped the subject entirely and looked forward.

XXXXXXXX

Desolation; the wake of complete and utter destruction. Dereliction where once had lived vivid life. Rubble with a name. It was the place they had each found refuge in, at one point or another, each for their own reasons.

And now it was gone. 

Kitty’s mouth fell open as she stared out at where the school had been. It was only a building, shouldn’t have made her feel so empty when it was gone, but it did. Standing there at the edge of the woods, they had a perfect view of the place. It looked like one of Storm’s tornadoes had whipped through it without mercy. 

Storm actually had tears in her eyes. She’d been young when the Professor had brought her over from Africa to live here. It was the only home she’d known since learning she was a mutant. 

Logan looked at the wreckage with an unreadable look on his face. To describe the emotions he felt in that moment would take a lifetime. He honestly didn’t know how to explain what that place had meant to him, and now, standing there where it should have been, he was reminded of his first day there at the school. The night he’d met Jean. 

Bobby had his arm around Rogue, who was looking heartbroken. They both just looked like their world had been shattered, though Bobby seemed less affected. And Warren seemed almost indifferent. He actually mentally cursed himself for not being more sympathetic in this moment of obvious loss to these people who had taken him in. 

John thumbed the lighter in his hand, glaring at the image before him. The last place he’d felt safe. And now, just like everything else he had ever touched, it was destroyed, a broken window in his house of reality. He glanced to his side and saw the look on Kitty’s face. She was in shock and mourning all at once. He hated that.

So, John did the one thing his mind screamed at him to never do. He took her hand in his, and he held it gently. Not harsh, demanded, and overpowering, just gentle and comforting—he hoped. And Kitty didn’t say a word, but she held his hand in return, and he knew, somehow, that she was comforted at least a little by his effort. If nothing else, for the very fact that she realized how hard it was for him to do this one simple act, and he was doing it anyway. 

He turned his head to look down at their hands, then slowly up at her. She seemed more sure of herself than she had moments before. Like maybe it was okay if the school was gone, because at least she still had those people she cared about with her right now. 

Those people she cared about. 

Kitty turned her head ever so slightly to look at him. She wanted to ask if he was okay, if this sight was affecting him as deeply and painfully as it was her. But somehow she already knew the answer. This place, it was just that to John—a place. A place he’d lived in for a few years pretending to care, a place he’d come back to when he’d had nowhere else to go, a place he’d grown to actually care about through the people that lived there. 

But in the end, wasn’t it the people that made the place anyway? If that was the case, she would never lose her home. That thought brought the slightest of smiles to her lips, and John relaxed a little when he noticed it. As long as she wasn’t completely heartbroken, he could deal, he could actually help them fight with a clear head. 

“What now?” Rogue asked, the first to speak since they’d landed. 

Storm glanced at Logan, who raised an eyebrow and looked to her for the answer. “Now,” Storm said, still looking at Logan, “We wait.” She gazed back out at the rubble that had once been her most beloved home. 


	18. Chapter 18

 

“[ **Love** is **friendship** **set** on **fire**](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/love_is_friendship_set_on/175151.html)”

~    [ **Jeremy Taylor**](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/jeremy_taylor/) ~

 

**Chapter 18**

Waiting, as it turned out, was actually quite boring. And John had to fight the overwhelming urge to burn the rubble away. Better to leave a clean scar rather than the mess that was there now, right?

Logan was leaning casually against a nearby tree, eyes and ears aware of everything around them. He’d know if the Sentinels were coming. And since Storm had just called the Senator and asked him to enter their location into the robot’s database, he was hoping they’d be there soon. 

Kitty sighed, then started walking into the nearby forest. She wanted to get away from the sight of the rubble for as long as she could. Fighting there was inevitable and actually very smart when you considered that these things would make the same kind of mess somewhere else, but she didn’t want to stare at what had once been her home anymore. So, she took a short walk, pausing to lean against a tree and look out at the green vegetation that surrounded her. 

It was beautiful. The Professor had once told her that if she stood there long enough, she’d start to feel the peace that pure nature brought. She had never stood there long enough, and she had never been quiet enough to hear it. Being quiet and staying still were not two of her personality traits, which was ironic for someone who called herself ‘Shadowcat.’ 

John didn’t even try to sneak up on her. He knew that she already knew he was close. What he didn’t know was that she’d hoped he would come, that his presence was oddly comforting. She smiled, turning to look at him.

“You okay?” He asked her. For once in his life, John actually did want to know the answer to that question. If _she_ wasn’t okay, then _nothing_ about this was okay. 

“Yeah, I’m just a little…” She paused, thinking of what to say, “nervous.” 

“You’d be stupid not to be.” John told her, getting a slight grin in response to his smirk. He liked that. Her smile. He walked over to stand next to her, staring forward at the ground where she was looking. 

“I’m glad you came with us.” Kitty told him after a few moments of standing in silence. 

“I came because you asked me to.” He replied. 

“Yeah.” She smiled again, looking up at him. “It means a lot.” 

 _It means a lot._ What the fuck did that mean? And why did women always have to speak in riddles like this? John almost asked her exactly what she meant, but decided against it. 

“We’ll be okay.” He told her, deciding to put her mind at ease as much as he could before the battle. 

“We always are.” Her voice was sad, doubtful. 

“Kitty…” She didn’t look up at him, so he just continued, “I’m not a good person.” It was the truth, right? No use pretending he was the White Knight there to ride her off to the sunset. That’s what Tinman was for her. And John was…well, he wasn’t quite sure. 

He waited for her to agree with him, but she just stared at the ground in silence. “Kitty?”

“What do you want me to say, John?” She snapped, looking up at him. “It doesn’t matter what I tell you, you’re always going to think you’re just a ‘bad person.’”

“No, that’s the thing though.” He said, moving to stand in front of her so that she could see the serious look on his face. “I’m not a good person, Kitty, but…” He paused when she looked up at him, suddenly interested in what he was saying. And he almost didn’t say it when he saw that look in her eyes—the one that told him she was listening with all that she was, because somehow she sensed what he would say was more important than any words he’d ever said to her before. He marveled at how she could know that without him even uttering a single word. 

“But…” His voice was quiet now. He didn’t want anyone to hear what he was about to say, except for Kitty. She was the one person in the world who he would reveal this too, whom he could trust to not laugh at him, who would truly appreciate the power in what he was going to tell her. “But you make me want to be.” He finally finished. John kept his eyes on her face, waiting for a reaction.

She gave nothing away. 

“Kitty?” He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder and it phased through her. 

She took a couple steps backwards through the tree she’d been leaning against, then paused and looked at him. There were tears in her eyes.

And suddenly he realized it had been a mistake. This was how things always ended when he told people how he really felt about them—not that he had told very many people in his lifetime how he felt about them, except when he hated them. Hate was something that was easy to admit to, that was almost fun to tell someone. But love…no, damn it! Not love. Caring. _Caring_ was hard to admit.

And she was just staring at him, tears falling down her cheeks now rather than just gathering in her eyes. Kitty Pryde looked at John and her heart was overwhelmed with what she was feeling. 

She looked at him, saw him standing there before her, a completely changed man, yet still the same person whose wounds she had carefully cleaned one night when the rain was pouring outside, like it had been the day before, and the memories of Alcatraz were still very fresh in their minds. He was John Allerdyce, a pyromaniac who just happened to be able to control that fire he loved so much, a boy with an attitude problem and the overwhelming need to share it with anyone he came into contact with. He was misguided hatred personified in human form, betrayal molded into flesh, and he was now telling her, in his own strange way, that not only did he _care_ for her, but he wanted to be a better person because of _her_. 

It was too much. Kitty couldn’t take it. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, her eyes were fogging up with tears and she had to get away. So, she took off running through the trees and brush, ignoring the tangible world around her as she went, giving no heed to the solid objects that never held her back anyway. 

And John stood there, angry with himself for telling her that. He’d wrestled with the idea of it all night, of whether he would admit it to her or not. He hadn’t slept at all. And, against his mind’s better judgment, he had told her. Now, his world was collapsing down around him. Like it always did. 

He slammed his fist into the tree she’d been standing by, felt the wood chips hit his shoulders and the blood in his knuckles as it seeped from broken skin. And he hit the tree again. Again. And again. He hit it until he couldn’t feel anything anymore, at least not physically, because the ache in his heart would never go away and he absolutely hated that, because he’d known this would happen. He had warned himself all night, told himself that these simple words would ruin everything. The way she was ruining him. 

“Hey!” John paused at the sound of Logan’s angry voice. “What the hell are you doing?” He yelled, running over to where John was. “Damn it, I told you not to do anything reckless! We need you to be able to fight!”

John glared at him. “That’s why you let her keep me there, right?” He snapped, getting in Logan’s face. He knew that Logan was someone to actually be afraid of, but at the moment he couldn’t feel much of anything. “Because you knew I’d be of some use to you guys later if it all went down, which it is.” John said, accusingly. “You knew I was there the moment I set foot in the school, didn’t you?” 

Logan sighed. “Not even the rain could hide your scent. I’m aware of everyone who enters— _entered_ —that school.” He admitted. “But that’s not the reason I let you stay, kid. I trusted Kitty to take care of things, and she did.” Inside his mind, Logan was arguing whether that was the truth or not. He wasn’t sure why he’d let John stay now that this idea had been thrown at him.

“Oh yeah!?” John demanded, about to start a fight. He needed a fight, needed some violence to take his mind off of her, and he didn’t care if he was receiving or giving that violence, as long as there was pain involved and someone ended up bleeding. 

Logan took a step to the side so that John couldn’t touch him. “This is about her, isn’t it?” He asked. “You two have a fight?” 

This just pissed John off even more. “Not everything’s about her!” He yelled, flicking his lighter on and throwing a ball of fire at Logan before he could step aside again. The flames hit his right arm, and though they didn’t burn through the X-suit, they did piss him off.

Logan glanced down at the smoldering spot on his arm, then glared up at John.. “Look, kid, you’re about this far from—” 

“Logan!” Both John and Logan turned their heads towards the sound of Storm’s voice. “They’re here!”

And suddenly they were running back towards the rubble that had once been a safe place for both of them. Though he wasn’t exactly out of shape, John had a hard time keeping up with the Wolverine, whose body was built for just this sort of thing, literally. But he managed, and soon they were back with the rest of the X-Men, staring at the Sentinels—who still seemed quite surreal, especially up close. There were only four of them, but already the X-Men knew this wasn’t going to be easy. 

Logan released his claws, and John was quite relieved that his rage was no longer directed towards him. “They haven’t made any moves yet.” Storm told him, but just as she was moving to make Logan stand down, one of the Sentinels on the far left shot a laser at his claws. The Admantium glowed a bright red for a moment, then cooled off, and Logan glanced down at his hand then back up at the Sentinel.

“Lefty’s mine.” Logan announced, before charging towards the Sentinel who had tried to shoot him. 

“Damn it, Logan!” Storm yelled after him—it was becoming a reoccurring part of their battle routine to play out this little part between the two of them. Storm looked at the rest of them. “Okay, we focus on the other three.” She said, and then gave them a confused look. “Where’s Shadowcat?” She always insisted on using their codenames in public now when they were on what she called “official business.” 

Warren glanced around like he expected her to pop out of the ground or something, which Kitty actually could have done. And Rogue and Bobby just shrugged, looking as confused as Storm. Her eyes stopped on John, the only one who hadn’t made any noticeable reaction to the question yet. “Pyro?” He ignored her, so she tried something else. “ _John_!” He glanced at Storm. “Where is she?” 

“She uh…” He didn’t know how to answer her. He kept glancing from her, to the lighter in his hand, to the three Sentinels that weren’t trying to get Logan off of their face quite unsuccessfully. John was itching for a fight, and he really didn’t have time for questions that both made him feel guilty and held him accountable. “She’s gone.” Was what he finally settled for. 

Bobby’s glare was instantaneous. “What did you do!?” He asked, shoving John backwards without hesitating. It was like he’d been waiting for this, been watching for any little excuse to start a fight with John. 

“Iceman, stop it!” Storm said, and the fact that she used his codename brought him back to the seriousness of the situation. They were in battle now. “We’ll find her later.” Storm added, and though she sounded sure her face told them all that she was quite worried about the girl. “Right now we need to focus.”

“They’re not moving.” Warren commented—he’d been the only one paying complete attention to the Sentinels rather than the argument. Storm noticed that his wings were extended, and he had his eyes watching the skies around the robots’ heads. Not for the first time, she wondered if his eyes were as hawk-like as his wings, because he appeared to be seeing a great deal more than the rest of them were. 

“What the hell are they waiting for?” John asked, flicking his lighter on. Bobby kept his eyes on John, more afraid he’d attack them than the Sentinel’s. Truth was, he didn’t trust John—especially with fire—and he never would. 

“They’re watching us.” Storm concluded, eyes narrowing as the skies started to become darkened and cloudy. “They’re learning about us.” 

Rogue looked horrified. “They can do tha’?” She asked. 

“Ki—Shadowcat said they would adapt.” Bobby commented, still not used to their code names. “We shouldn’t give them the chance.” He turned to see what Storm had to say, but she was already flying in the air, arms held out on either side of her, the glorious extensions to her sleeves that had become her trademark blowing in the wind she controlled.

Warren took off as soon as he saw her in the air, flying towards the nearest Sentinel. And then all hell broke loose. Lasers flying through the air like some stupidly cheap _Star Trek_ scene, and then the Sentinels started throwing things at them—the wreckage to be exact. And they didn’t just toss small pieces of wood. They were throwing sheet metal the size of garage doors. And the X-Men who were still on foot, as fast as they were, were having trouble keeping out of the way.

Bobby’s hands were up in front of him, and he managed to freeze one of the sheets of metal before it hit Rogue, giving her a couple extra seconds to jump out of the way and duck as it shattered into hundreds of tiny shards. And John, not even aware of what he was doing at first, flicked his Zippo on and threw fire towards those shards so that they melted into little metallic droplets before they could cut anyone and do some serious harm. 

Bobby and John glanced at each other, aware—and irritated—that their working together had actually proved to be useful and save someone’s life. But the moment passed as they glanced back and started fighting off different debris. 

“Listen, bub, I don’t know what they made you guys out of, but it ain’t got nothin’ on my claws!” Logan told the Sentinel whose head he was now carefully standing on. He unsheathed his claws and slammed them into the top of the robot’s head, hoping to reach something vital that would knock him out of use. But, he found nothing but electrical wires, which didn’t really seem to serve a purpose other than to tangle with his arm. 

And Warren, quite practiced now with the wings he had once so carefully tried to hide from the world, flew around one of the other Sentinels. The machine, being just a machine and having not quite caught on to the young billionaire’s plan yet, tried to follow him constantly with its two red glowing eyes. The result was sensory overload, and the machine toppled over as it reached out to snatch its prize from the sky and missed horribly. 

Storm focused on throwing lightening at the two Sentinels that Warren and Logan weren’t near. But it proved a bit difficult as the storms seemed to actually be fighting her for once. She found it odd that the weather didn’t just comply, but gave no second thought to it. There wasn’t time. Even as a child she’d known the importance of keeping your constant attention on what you _could_ do, not what you couldn’t when in battle.

Rogue, still not sure why they’d brought a powerless mutant with them, kept herself busy trying to stay out of the way. She kept a careful eye on Bobby, always yelling warnings if he got too close to the path of a piece of thrown debris. “Bobby!” It seemed to her like all she ever did was scream warnings to her boyfriend anymore. She almost wished now that she hadn’t taken ‘the cure.’ She was more of a liability now than anything. 

Logan felt it. The doubts and fears that Rogue was having. Call it an everlasting after-affect of his resurrecting sacrifice from soon after they had first met. He now could sometimes pick up on her emotions—it was how he’d known why she was leaving when she had for the cure—and he almost thought she could do the same with his at times. 

“Marie!” She froze. It had to be Logan saying her name. Not only was he the one most likely to roll his eyes and not follow Storm’s code-names rule, but he was the only one she had ever told her real name too. Not even Bobby knew her real name. For some reason, she hadn’t wanted anyone else to know. 

She searched frantically for him, eyes finally falling upon the head of the Sentinel, whose brains he was still trying to reach. Rogue waited for whatever instructions he had for her. She trusted him completely.

“Touch Bobby!” Logan yelled, and, as laughable as it seemed, her first thought was actually, ‘not here while everyone can see!’ But then her brain stepped back into the reality of the moment, and she was actually even more confused. How could touching him do anything now that she was ‘cured?’ “Trust me!” Logan yelled back, yanking some wires out of the Sentinel as he did so, and she didn’t hesitate again. 

Rogue tackled Bobby, knocking the air out of him, and felt her mutation start to take effect instantly. She panicked in that moment, realizing that the cure must have worn off or not worked right for her or something, but then, when Bobby looked at her, she remembered where they were and turned to freeze the nearest Sentinel. Bobby stood up behind her—she’d learned how to control her power enough to not weaken whoever she touched too badly—and started helping her. Within seconds, the Sentinel couldn’t walk anymore, and they were running towards it to find a way to shut it down. 

Hopelessness, adrenaline, fire, rage, hate, and then nothing. John’s body went through the motions like nothing had happened between him and Kitty, but inside his mind, no his _soul_ , he was in anguish. 

And it showed in his irrational moves, his irresponsible throws, his uncharacteristically bad aim with the fire itself. He was letting it go wild, merely giving the flames a main direction then letting them live for themselves. And it was working on one of the Sentinels. While Storm tried to fry the one’s circuits beyond repair, Logan had his on the ground and kicking to get away from him, and Warren helped Rogue and Bobby with the other, John had taken on his very own with the intent that one—or both—of them would be destroyed in the end.

And very suddenly, such a subtle little glow in the robot’s eyes to show it, the machine caught on to his mutation and started using it against him. But John was blind to it. He didn’t see the way the Sentinel was throwing his own flames back at him. And though he didn’t burn quite as easily as most people, he was not completely immune to the fire. Hit him with it long enough and he would burn. 

He didn’t even notice as the flaming wall flew towards him. It had probably once lined the hallway or something, and now it was hurling right towards him as his very death. And very suddenly, he felt arms around him, and just when the fiery piece of wreckage should have hit him, it went right through him. 


	19. Chapter 19

 

“[We are not going to let the shots that were fired today pierce the heart of this community, ... We will **survive**. And we will be stronger because of it.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/we-are-not-going-to-let-the-shots-that-were-fired/701207.html)”

~     [Dianne Jacob](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/dianne_jacob/) ~

 

**Chapter 19**  

There was a moment. A moment where time seemed to stop, and the thrown wreckage landed so slowly John wasn’t sure it was even moving anymore. He glanced at it, then up at Kitty’s face, and he couldn’t help placing a hand on her cheek just to make sure she was really there.

“You came back.” 

The words sounded stupid, too dry in his mouth, but they were spoken before he could stop them. Kitty had tears in her eyes when she looked back up into his. And then she gave him the most beautifully welcomed reply. 

“And I always will.”

Then the moment was over, and the battle started again around them. Both John and Kitty jumped to their feet—he on instinct, she on training—and face the last Sentinel. The others were busy finishing theirs, so it was up to Kitty and John to stop the final standing robot. 

“It knows what your power is.” Kitty commented, glancing at the lighter in John’s hand, then up to his face, and finally back to the Sentinel. “But it doesn’t know mine.” She took off running before he could stop her. 

“Kitty! Damn it!” He wanted to run after her, but even in the intensity of the moment he knew that was a stupid move. She was too cocky with her ability, and he knew it would get her killed someday. You were only as vulnerable as you let yourself be, and she was leaving herself wide open at the moment. 

The Sentinel caught sight of the tiny girl running towards it and focused its energies on her, trying to see any sign of what her mutant ability was. But she gave nothing away. 

“His feet!” She called over her shoulder to John. “Melt his fucking feet!”

He paused long enough to give her a ‘what the fuck are you talking about?’ look, then flicked his lighter on and started directing all of the flames towards the giant Sentinel’s feet. 

The metal was strong—not nearly as weak and easy to melt as the door handle back at the mansion had been. But that just meant it was a challenge, something John had once called fun and practice. Only now someone he cared about was right in the crossfire. He had to control it carefully or this could all, very literally, turn to hell. 

Control wasn’t something he was used to. Aiming, yes, but to actually control the flames totally, bend them to his complete will and allow nothing to stray, this was an entirely new concept that he understood was vital to keeping Kitty alive.

So, he tried to remember everything that Professor Xavier had ever told him that he had actually listened to. Control your power or it controls you. That was the underlying theme in a lot of his yawn-worthy lectures, but now it didn’t seem so boring and pointless. Now it meant someone’s life. Not just someone. It meant _her_ life. 

Minutes passed, he didn’t know how many. It felt like hours, days even. But time wasn’t the issue. He was starting to feel drained, losing strength as he poured it all into his power and controlling it. But he didn’t give up. 

Wave upon wave of controlled flame hit the metal the robot stood on, and Kitty could feel beads of sweat dripping down her face as she continued to run. It was hot, almost unbearably hot, but she couldn’t let it slow her down.

Kitty leapt up as high as she could into the Sentinel’s leg, found herself suddenly tangled in an overwhelming amount of wires, then started to ascend upwards towards the torso. Using the air particles with her mutant ability was something she’d only just discovered and been trying to perfect, but now it seemed as easy as walking through a wall. Maybe it was the adrenaline pumping through her veins, or maybe it was the fact that John’s flames were following her up the leg.

Finally, she felt the Sentinel slow. That meant that John’s part had worked at least. It couldn’t walk, which meant it couldn’t try to escape while she raced to figure out a way to shut it down. 

The computer geek inside of Kitty Pryde delighted in the small repair room she found in the Sentinel’s stomach. What she wouldn’t give to spend a few weeks in there, just learning how it worked. But she only had a few minutes. Her eyes searched the controls and wires for a way to stop it permanently. 

It was melted to the fucking ground, and finally he stopped throwing flames at it. The Sentinel seemed confused, as much as a machine could, and that would have made John laugh had Kitty still not been somewhere inside of the monster. 

Logan ran over to where he was standing, looking in the direction John had his attention pointed to. “Good work, kid.” He commented. 

“She’s still…” He had to catch his breath, couldn’t speak. And when he reached with a hand right under his nose to see what was trickling there, he discovered a little bit of blood. Had he really put _that_ much effort into controlling that fire?

“Who?” Logan demanded, fearing at first that it was Rogue. His heart slowed back down and he relaxed a little when he saw her over with Bobby, making their way towards where John and Logan stood. And Storm and Warren were headed there too. Together they’d been able to distract their Sentinel long enough for Storm to really fry it with her lightening. It wasn’t getting up any time soon. 

And ‘Lefty’ was now a shredded mess of wires and metal. The two red eyes that had once glowed brightly now looked dull and dirty against the metallic skull that he’d made his personal scratching post for the last ten minutes. Rogue and Bobby had managed to freeze their Sentinel until its power shut down completely. So, all was well and calm, except that Kitty was still inside the last Sentinel. 

“Damn it, who!?” Logan repeated, and John’s mind snapped back to the present around him long enough for him to hear it. 

“Kitty.” He said, looking back at the Sentinel.

Logan growled, a sound low in his throat that he saved only for those moments of complete frustration and utter loss of hope, and he extended his claws, meaning to jump at the Sentinel, but something stopped him.

The X-Men watched as the Sentinel slowed even more until finally it wasn’t even struggling to move the parts of its body that weren’t melted anyway. It simple stopped. And then there was a low hum that grew lower until it finally faded, and the red eyes stopped glowing. Then, nothing. 

John couldn’t breathe. He held his breath as he watched the lifeless machine with wide, worried eyes. 

“Come on, Kitty.” Storm said quietly, fighting the tears that had started in her eyes at the possibly outcome of this situation. 

More nothing, and John could hear his heart breaking, could feel it rejected the blood it needed to pump, because why give life to someone who’s real life was possibly gone now? He dropped his lighter, his eyes still watching the Sentinel. And just when he felt the beginnings of tears in his eyes, she stumbled out of the Sentinel’s arm. 

Kitty Pryde was all torn up. Her X-suit had tears in the arms and back, which gave sight to horrible cuts and bruises that were only beginning to form. She could barely stand, and John ran up to catch her before she fell into the rubble. 

“Kitty?” Her eyes were closed as he held her, tried to help her sit up. And the other X-Men didn’t move, didn’t know how to handle this new scene. “Kitten?” He offered, quieter this time, nearly whispering. 

Her eyes fluttered open slowly, and she gave him a strained version of that little half smile he loved so much. He laughed in relief, smiling down at her, and finally the others approached. 

“That was a bold move, kid.” Logan commented, looking down towards Kitty proudly. He wouldn’t mind admitting she’d been a student of his someday when everyone finally noticed she was saving the world. She hadn’t known what she would find in the Sentinel—a person maybe, or worse, more weapons and traps, but Kitty had still gone for it to protect those she cared about, and those she didn’t even know. 

And, they had all made it out alive. 

XXXXXXXX

No one argued when John insisted on sitting next to where Kitty laid in the back of the jet, but Bobby did give him a glare that spoke volumes about how he wished he could have been the one to do it. John, like he always did, just ignored Bobby and focused all of his attention on the injured girl before him.

He’d finally learned how much she meant to him. It was both a shock and a relief. And she would never even know it. He wouldn’t tell her. Things were easier left unsaid.

Kitty looked up at him, grateful that he’d been the one to catch her when she’d been about to fall. Her entire life had flashed before her eyes in that moment where the ground was rushing up to meet her, and she had been amazed with how much her mind had focused on the last few months. How much it had shown her of _him_. 

“Why did you run?” He asked quietly. John didn’t want anyone else to hear the question, and Kitty was glad of it. 

She looked up at him for a moment, not quite sure how to say it. “Because I…” She was afraid.

And he sensed it; sensed it as easily as Storm could feel rain coming. “It’s okay.” He told her quietly. “You don’t have to tell me.” Inside his mind was yelling at him, screaming that he was a fucking moron for saying that, because he had to know! But on the outside, all he wanted was for her to smile again.

“I’m going insane.” She commented, and John said nothing.

“When you told me…” She paused, “Well, what you told me,” Kitty said, “I thought I heard Xavier in my head, the way I used to when I’d have a problem that I just didn’t think anyone could understand. He’d calm me down, help me deal with whatever was bothering me.” 

“What did he say to you this time?” John asked. There was no question of why a dead man was speaking to her. He trusted her completely, despite what his mind was telling him. 

“He said,” She looked right into his eyes, those deep hazel eyes that had caught her attention so often lately, and tears formed in her eyes “ ‘he really means that.’” 

John looked at the floor for a moment. “But I know it’s just my mind, messing with me.” Kitty added quickly. “I must really be going crazy. The dead don’t…” She stopped talking altogether. 

“Did you believe him?” John asked, still looking down at the floor, still not questioning her sanity in a situation where it clearly was questionable.

“I don’t know.” She admitted, trying to ignore his slightly obvious disappointment at this answer. “Someone who is dead was talking to me in my head, John.” He looked up at her, like the actual facts of the story were now finally hitting him when she put them into words like that. “I didn’t know what to think. So, I ran.”

“And as I was running,” She continued, “I remembered Dr. Grey. Death is something you can overcome, and I thought that maybe, when Peter…” She stopped talking, sensing his slight bitterness at the mention of the Russian at a moment like this. 

“You can’t reverse death, Kitty.” He told her quietly, masking his personal emotions carefully as he spoke. “There’s a balance to things.” He had known that. Black and white, fire and water, everything had its opposite, and in order to keep the universe functioning those delicate balances had to be kept. John had figured that was why things had gone so wrong with Dr. Grey. She hadn’t been meant to live again.

“I know.” Kitty said quietly, taking hold of his hand.

XXXXXXXX 

Storm could sense the pride coming off of Logan in waves. He even had a slightly cocky grin on his face all the way back to the mansion. “Proud of them?” She finally asked, watching him from the corners of her eyes for a reaction. 

“They were reckless.” He commented, trying to recover though he knew she had already seen his feelings towards the subject. “But they did good.” He finally added. 

“Not bad for a substitute.” She commented with a grin as the jet landed smoothly. Logan glanced at her, saw her smile, and couldn’t help but smile himself. 

_Not bad at all._ He thought to himself. 

And he ignored the constant reminding thought in the back of his mind that there were more of them. This one fight with four Sentinels wouldn’t stop them, in fact it would probably provoke them if they’re artificial intelligence supported logical instinct. 

But lying in the back of the jet, there was a girl who had saved a boy most profoundly, so much so that he probably hadn’t even realized it yet. And that, Logan realized, was probably the greatest victory of their little outing. After all, he himself had been saved before by the only woman he’d ever loved completely. 

It’s too bad the happy moments couldn’t linger just a bit longer. As soon as they stepped off of the jet and onto the landing platform—John’s arm around Kitty’s waist to help her walk—they knew something was wrong. 

Hank, who usually had more liveliness in his step, walked over to them slowly, almost as if dreading being close enough to talk with them. The X-Men each recognized it in their own way, and they stopped walking, waiting for him to meet them. He did, but didn’t say anything. He just looked at them each in turn, the sorrow on his face showing through the blue fur through wrinkles that had been present even before his mutation. Hank looked at Kitty last. 

She felt all the strength that was left in her fail her in that moment as she uttered a quiet sentence. “It’s Peter.” 


	20. Chapter 20

 

“[For love is strong as **death** , passion as fierce as the grave; Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging **flame**](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/for_love_is_strong_as_death-passion_as_fierce_as/157526.html)”

~   Unknown ~

 

**Chapter 20**

No one argued or tried to stop him when John chased after Kitty to the guest room she was staying in. No one else knew quite what to say to the girl. So, they’d let him go. Let him go find her and try to comfort her however he was able, if he was even capable of such a thing.

She didn’t answer when he knocked on the door. Kitty just stood there in the middle of the room, completely numb save the pain of her battle wounds. 

So he opened the door without her permission, pausing where he stood to look at her. His face screamed of concern and fear, two things John was usually quite good at hiding from the world. But he didn’t care right then. He _wanted_ her to know what he was feeling, and ironically, it was the first time she wasn’t looking at him. 

John closed the door behind him and hesitated to approach her. “Kitty?” He spoke quietly, trying to give her something soothing in a chaotic moment of personal apocalypse.

She unzipped her X-suit and pealed it off of her shoulders slowly, wincing when some of the leather tore at a wound it had begun healing into. Her movements were slow, painful. And she didn’t say a word until she was standing there in only her bra and panties—both black, John noticed. 

Kitty was torn up pretty badly, which was the only thing that kept him from shamelessly gawking at the curves she must normally have hidden behind jeans and T-shirts. There was a huge cut that started on her left shoulder and ended somewhere near the middle of her back, torn flesh that wasn’t a clean tear. And though it wasn’t bleeding too badly, it was still bleeding. 

He wanted to say something, to maybe reach out and help her sit down or something, but John was unsure of what to do. It was an awkward moment for him, seeing her standing there completely broken after she had always been so stalwart and strong. 

There were no tears in her eyes, and maybe that was what bothered him the most. She hadn’t cried, and she showed no signs of doing so in the near future. Kitty’s face, like the look in her eyes, was blank and emotionless. 

John took a step toward her and she flinched, so he froze. “Kitty?” She turned her head ever so slightly, ear towards him so that he would know she was listening, but she was not looking at him. 

Once again, he didn’t know what to do. Should he reach out and pull her into his arms? That, he guessed, was probably the last thing she wanted right about now; from him at least. 

She walked slowly over to the small bathroom the guestroom was connected to, and every step was shattering pain that ripped up through her feet into her body to her mind, then back down to her heart, which was cold and empty at the moment. Or at least she liked to think it was. 

Kitty stepped into the shower slowly, keeping what she had left on, and turned the water on. She had to reach out with one hand and hold onto the wall in front of her to keep standing, gritting her teeth in pain as the water poured down her back. She felt every single wound amplified by the warm water running over her skin.

John stood in the bathroom doorway, watching her with that concerned look still haunting his face. Under any other circumstances he would have been celebrating at the lack of clothing involved, but this was different. She was in serious pain. 

And not just pain from the wounds he could see, but internal pain that would never completely leave her after today and everything that had happened. A piece of her soul was gone now, and Kitty Pryde didn’t think it was possible for her to ever be whole again. She wanted to cry, she _tried_ to, but she just couldn’t. 

“Come here.” She said quietly, and John hesitantly walked over towards the shower, pausing to stand a foot away. “I…I don’t want to be alone.” She admitted, finally looking at him. The hair clinging down her face couldn’t hide the absolute sorrow in her eyes. 

He understood the feeling completely. John looked at her face, then glanced at her wounds—which she had seemed to ignore thus far. “Should get you cleaned up.” He said quietly. He had no words of comfort. It just wasn’t his way. 

And Kitty turned back towards the shower wall, staring down at the bloody water that seeped into the drain. She couldn’t look at him when she was like this. It wasn’t shame, it was…she wasn’t sure, but it wouldn’t allow her to look at him.

She nearly phased his hand through her back when she felt him gently start to clean the large cut with a washcloth. Gentle was not something John did very often, but right then, he was more gentle than anyone she’d ever known. The only pain came from the wound itself, not the action of cleaning it.

He reflected on the times she had cleaned his wounds, when he had stood there as emotionless and silent as she was now. She was still holding onto the wall to keep standing, and the water at the drain was starting to get clearer as her wounds cleaned up a bit. It hurt like hell, but she made no complaint. 

She was, John realized, the strongest person he knew. In both body and mind, Kitty was amazingly courageous and inspiring, though he would never swallow his pride enough to tell her that. She was everything he wanted to be, but knew he never would be. She was the good that kept him living even when all he saw was the bad. She _was_ his reason for living. 

He paused at that thought, and she glanced over her shoulder. “Thank you.” Kitty whispered. Those words again; those two tiny words that only she had ever meaningfully spoken to him.

John looked at her as she tried to force a smile, and it broke his heart. How had a sight like this, which would have made him laugh in amusement only a month ago, become something that tore at his soul from every angle? How had her pain become _his_ pain? And why the hell hadn’t he noticed and stopped it before it had gotten to this point? 

He almost backed away and left the room, just in reflex to what he was feeling right then. It was too wonderfully ironic that he hesitated though, and so she was able to speak before he had the chance to leave. 

“How…” Her voice was shaky as she was trembling. “How do I stop the pain?” Kitty asked. He knew right away what pain she was referring to, and it had nothing to do with the gash on her back. 

“Time.” It was the only answer he could give her. 

“John?” She said his name so quietly that he almost didn’t hear it over the sound of the running water. “Lie to me.” 

He cleared his throat and looked away for a moment. It was a good thing she hadn’t been looking at his face, because Kitty may have caught the beginnings of tears that he immediately pushed back. He just couldn’t handle her like this. She was his rock, his foundation, and now, when she needed his help the most, after all she had done for him, he didn’t know how to help her. 

“Tell me it gets easier.” Kitty continued sadly. “That soon, I won’t feel like this.” She leaned her forehead against the wall, eyes closed, and whispered, “I’m so tired of wearing black.” 

John looked at her, leaned forward ever so slightly, and placed his arms around her gently. It didn’t matter that he was getting wet, or that her blood was getting all over him. He just held her. 

She still couldn’t cry. But that didn’t make the pain any less horrific. “I’m afraid.” She admitted quietly, knowing that he could hear her when he was close like this. “I’m afraid that the person I once was, the normal girl who could actually smile, will be swallowed up in this constant, never ending grief. I’m afraid that one morning I’ll wake up, and I won’t have _anyone_ left.” _I’m afraid you’ll be next._ The thought rang so loudly through her mind that Kitty was almost surprised he didn’t hear it. 

He listened to her words in silence, thinking on what she was telling him with more concern than she would ever know. What he did next, John hadn’t expected to ever do, to ever _want_ to do, but it came so naturally that it almost scared him, and she needed something else to focus on other than the pain. He leaned down and kissed her shoulder softly, lips touching wet skin in a gentle caress she would never forget. 

Kitty closed her eyes, focusing on his closeness, his arms around her trembling body as she mourned the loss of someone she had cared about dearly. She needed comfort, and John was there. How strange and unforeseen was that? Of all the people in the world, he was the last she would have thought would bring her comfort at the news of Peter’s death.

Honestly, Kitty had thought maybe John would be glad to see the Russian gone, because that was one less X-Man for him to worry about. But here he was, holding her, helping her to keep standing when she had no strength left. Water ran through her hair and onto her wounds, and she swore all she could hear was the beat of his heart and the sound of his breathing. 

She turned her head to look at his face, so close to hers, still near her shoulder. “John…” 

“Come on.” He told her quietly, pulling away and reaching for a towel. He held it out for her, but Kitty didn’t move. “You’re bleeding.” He finally said, and she reluctantly took the towel.

The moment had passed. For both of them. Comfort had been given, and now John was confused as to what to do next. Other than he knew she needed to get her wounds covered before they started bleeding too bad. And he silently cursed himself, tried to forget the feeling of holding onto her as the water rained down on them both. 

He found a first aid kit under the sink and started to bandage the large cut on her back. And he worked gently, like before, uncharacteristically tender with his actions. It was something that he realized he would only do for her. 

He worked in silence, which she welcomed. Kitty didn’t know what to say to him. He had helped her so much in the last few minutes, and her mind was still flooding with grief and pain and disbelief. She wanted to close her eyes and forget everything. 

Her wounds taken care of, he helped her over to her bed. Kitty laid down, feeling stiff and sore and as if there was no way she could ever get comfortable again. “John?” 

He took hold of her hand that lay at her side. “Yeah?” 

“I loved him.” 

That wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear, and he couldn’t fight the pang of senseless jealousy that crossed his mind before he could stop it. But John looked at her, kept the concerned look on his face, and spoke quietly, “I know, Kitten.” He told her. “I know.”

XXXXXXXX

 Funeral weather. It was raining outside, no, _storming_ , and Kitty suspected that was partially because of Storm’s reaction to Peter’s death. The thunder and lightning was relentless, wind whipping trees around, threatening to snatch them up and take them away. 

She stared out the window, looking at the city wherein somewhere laid the graveyard that held Peter Rasputin. Her hands rested on the glass, kept from moving through by sheer willpower. 

And John had kept his promise. He’d sat next to her during the funeral; put his arm around her even at one point. But she still hadn’t cried. 

The Legacy Virus had ruined her life for weeks now, but it had only just torn her heart out. She wanted to find whoever had created it and kill them in the most painful of ways, to look right into their eyes when they breathed their last breath and know that they wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else ever again. 

Except that they would, and they _had_. Hundreds had died so far, according to the news, which wasn’t always unbiased when it came to the ‘mutant issue.’ Hundreds. And more were getting the virus every day. And because it was a virus it kept changing, evolving like _they_ had into something new and unbeatable. 

She wanted hope. However small or unrealistic it was, Kitty wanted something to believe in again. She wanted something to fight for, to have faith in. The greater good just wasn’t good enough anymore. How could she protect the very people who had created the thing that murdered her loved ones? How could she continue to save a world whereon hate and evil already ruled most souls? 

Logan walked over and stood next to her, staring out the window, following her gaze. For once, there was no cigar in his mouth. 

“Are you going to tell me it gets easier?” She asked without even looking at him. 

“No.” Logan admitted. “Life’s not easy for people like us.” 

Her absent-minded look gave way to a glare, though she kept her eyes peering out the window rather than at Logan. “I never wanted to come here, to be a part of the X-Men.” Kitty told him. “The Professor talked me into it, and once I was there I just couldn’t leave.” The look on her face softened a bit. “But sometimes, I think it might have been easier to stay home.” 

“And then you never would have met Peter at all.” Logan commented. 

“Exactly.” She said, looking at the ground outside, where the rain was gathering into puddles that would soon become a mild flood. Kitty sighed, and it was the sigh of someone who was completely exhausted. “I thought we were supposed to help people. I never thought it would become this.” 

“People hunt us down and destroy us because we’re something they can never understand.” Logan told her, glancing down to see what her reaction to his words was. “They think that maybe we’re what they will be someday, and that scares them.” 

“We’re the good guys.” Kitty argued. 

“Yeah, kid, we are.” Logan agreed, with a bit of hesitance, as if he wasn’t quite sure. 

“I just wanted to help.” She said quietly, her voice sad and then bitter. “To make a real difference in this pathetic world.”

“You did.” She looked up at Logan, and he pointed out the window. 

Kitty’s gaze followed the motion and she saw out in the courtyard a figure. He was sitting on the single bench in front of the mansion, completely indifferent to the rain and storm around him. John had his head in his hands, but she knew somehow that he wasn’t crying.

Slowly, Kitty made her way to the front door and out into the cold. She approached the bench quietly, and paused behind him while he was still unaware that she was there. Her hand reached out to rest on his back, but hesitated an inch away. 

John watched the cars pass by, the people glancing at the mansion as if to applaud the Avengers for merely existing. They worshipped heroes who were faceless, masked, and government-funded, yet they hated the team that had given even _him_ a home. 

What was wrong with the fucking world? Why couldn’t they see the empty eyes of a girl that meant the world to him after all they’d put her through? Why couldn’t they see how broken they’d made his _heroine_? Why couldn’t they fucking get off of their high horse and admit that, yeah, they needed these X-Men, ridiculous as they may seem. 

He lifted his head from his hands and looked at his lighter for a moment. He’d heard once that the world would end in fire, and John had always thought that maybe he’d be the one to destroy the world. But humanity was already destroying itself. 

“Fucking useless.” He said aloud, meaning himself. Because how could he really help Kitty now when she actually needed him? 

But Kitty thought he was referring to his lighter. She couldn’t see the thoughts that were passing through his troubled mind. “That’s because it’s raining.” She commented, and he actually jumped in surprise, turning around to look at her. 

Kitty walked around the bench and sat down next to him. “How…how are you?” He asked her. 

She looked down at the flooded sidewalk, then back up at him, his blonde hair sticking to his forehead in an almost rebellious manner, as if to say that every part of him was trying not to give a damn right now. 

“Better.” She said, giving him a slight smile. And it was a real smile. The first she’d shown in days. Kitty reached over and took his hand, the one that held his lighter, and she looked down at their hands. 

Her gaze shifted back up to the cloudy sky. It was a beautiful sight, with splashes of grey on some clouds while others were uncannily white. And the rain, hitting her face, she almost related that feeling completely to John now. Rain was their setting, their place of peace where no one else could reach them or hope to understand them. She closed her eyes for a moment and just focused on that feeling, on the wonderful smell the earth gave off as it was cleansed. 

She was fucking beautiful. 

He literally felt a pain in his heart as he watched her. The rain dancing on her skin, her closed eyes fluttering softly, her hair sticking to the back of her shirt. She was beautiful. She was _perfect_. 


	21. Chapter 21

 

“Midnight workings weather down the story line   
I try to find the truth between all the lies   
And bleeding is feeling and feeling ain't real   
Will I see when I open my eyes

 

Somehow when I'm with you   
  
I never get burned”

~   Megan McCauley “Wonder” ~

 

**Chapter 21**

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him, that cute half smile crossing her lips when she saw the look on his face. “Why are you staring at me like that?” She asked, clearly amused.

“Like what?” He asked, willing to play along with her game. Honestly, he didn’t want to talk about the way he was looking at her, because he knew exactly how it must have seemed. 

She looked at him for a moment, eyes narrowing. “You’re messing with me.” Kitty concluded, laughing quietly. 

“Uh, no, not really.” He told her, a bit confused by her conclusion. But then wasn’t that the female psyche’s way of thinking? Confuse the hell out of a man, especially one who’s in lo… He looked down at his lighter quickly. 

“It does no good in the rain.” She said, snatching it out of his hand before John could argue or stop her. Had it been anyone else, and someone who couldn’t phase his hands through her, she would have been dead right about then. 

“Kitty, give that back!” He snapped, frustrated. Taking John Allerdyce’s lighter—especially out of his own hand—was damn near suicide as far as he was concerned, and he didn’t care if it was a pretty face snatching it either.

“Or what?” She stood up, and when he tried to grab the lighter his hand went right through hers. 

“Damn it, I’m not kidding!” John said, voice raising a little. 

But Kitty didn’t seem to care. She had a huge grin on her face, eyes lit up in amusement, because she knew—and she knew that he knew as well—that he couldn’t get the Zippo back until she let him. 

“Can’t you just let it go for a few minutes?” Kitty asked. “You did before.” 

“That was different!” He hissed, glaring at her. “I didn’t think I’d ever need it…”

“And you still don’t _need_ it.” Her smile and amusement had faded a bit, but not completely. 

“Please?” He said quietly, tone changing dramatically as he looked around to make sure no one could see him begging for his lighter.

“Well, since you put it that way…” She turned around and started running. 

“Damn it!” He took off after her, knowing even from the first step that any attempt to regain his prized possession would be futile. He hated what she was doing, and he hated even more that she had been right about the lighter. He didn’t _need_ it.

But it was a part of him, like a hand, something he was never without. Except those few weeks when he’d lost all meaning in his life. And found it again, somewhere else. This lighter had been with him through everything since he’d left his parents’ house years ago. It had belonged to his dad—which was why he kept the hideous shark on it. Maybe that was why he was holding onto it so carefully too. 

John liked to think, though, that it had nothing to do with his dad. That this lighter, this small symbol of his only true talent, really was a piece of his soul embodied. And that’s why he’d thrown it aside that day, so many weeks ago. Get rid of the useless part; purge yourself of your weakness. 

She was running too damn fast, just phasing through things, completely ignoring the fact that he had to jump over or around those obstacles. But, John eventually caught up with her. 

“Kitty, would you just stop!” He yelled, and was answered with the laughter she tossed over her shoulder. “I’m serious!” John snapped, and he jumped towards her tackling her as gently as he could, just to get her to stop running.

She let him. 

But her training kicked in without a conscious thought and she rolled him onto his back, landing there, straddling his stomach, looking down at him. He honestly thought for a moment that she was going to hit him, just because he recognized her moves were so trained. And then she started laughing and rolled over to lie beside him, staring up at the rain as it fell towards them.

She dropped his lighter onto his stomach, and John grabbed it gratefully, giving her an outraged look. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again!” He told her. 

Kitty turned her head to look at him. “I’d planned on giving it back all along.” She assured him with a smile. Then her smile melted away, and she suddenly looked concerned. “Were you that worried about it?” He didn’t answer. “John, your power doesn’t make you who you are.” 

“What am I without it?” He asked, irritated that she was forcing him to have this conversation. 

Her hand was resting on his stomach, near his own hand which held the lighter. “A good person.” She could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed, and when she told him that, she felt him pause, he just stopped breathing for a moment. 

“That’s not true.” He said quietly, and she almost didn’t hear him over the rain. 

Kitty sat up and looked at him, and she spoke only when she caught his eye. “John, you’re not the evil bad-ass you think you are.” 

His glare returned as he looked up at her. “You have no idea what kinds of things I’ve done.” Memories flashed through his mind of people—innocent people when he looked back on it—caught in the very literal cross-fire. 

She sighed. “And you wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve done if I told you.” In reality, she knew they probably weren’t nearly as bad as the things John had done—or the things he had allowed to be done when he could have stopped them. But her hands weren’t completely clean of blood either. It was the price you paid to save others, ironically. 

“I can’t imagine you ever actually hurting someone.” He commented aloud. And it was true, because a girl like Kitty didn’t just walk around slashing throats after all. She’d see things from both sides, weigh in the possible thoughts of the person who would fall at her hands, and she would ultimately find another way. He’d just blast them with fire and not look back. The regret would come much later, when he found himself alone among the fading lights. And he always did find himself alone eventually. 

“You never got to the _life and death_ lesson.” She told him quietly. “They, uh, it came a year after you left.” Kitty explained. “They chose who they thought were ready to be X-Men, and they explained it to us.”

“Explained what?” He asked. 

“That sometimes, being completely good and honest won’t save lives.” She seemed so sad by it, like the idea had never occurred to her before it had been presented in an unusual classroom. “It’s a tough lesson to learn.” 

John was quiet. The truth was, he’d been taught the very same lesson, just in a different way and for different reasons. 

“But the point is,” Kitty said, breaking the silence, “You’re not a bad person.” 

He highly doubted that. “How do you do that?” John asked her, turning his head to look at her. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked, giving him a side smile.

“Not see me as a bad guy.” 

She thought for a moment. “I guess because I know you better than anyone.” Kitty replied. 

She did. He realized that, she really, truly, did know him better than anyone else ever had—his parents, Magneto, hell even Xavier, who’d read his mind more than once—especially when he was drifting off during class. 

XXXXXXXX

 “Hank, I can’t tell her that!” Storm snapped. “Especially after Peter…” Her voice caught in her throat and the usually calm woman had to turn her back to both Hank and Logan to hide her tears. 

“Well, you have to tell her something.” Hank argued quietly. He hated having to give her this news, but someone had to. 

“You’re sure there’s nothing they can do?” Logan asked calmly. It was odd for him to be the one in control, but Hank imagined it had a lot to do with the fact that Logan was good at masking his emotions behind a cold demeanor. 

“We will never stop looking for a cure,” Hank explained, looking at Logan, then turning his attention to Storm, who still wasn’t facing them, “But to give her false hope right now, it just isn’t right.” Logan nodded reluctantly in agreement. 

“She just lost the man she thought she was going to marry someday!” Storm yelled, turning around to face them. Outside the rain had begun to fall thicker, and wind was rapping against the windows. 

“ ‘ro.” Logan said, his tone warning her to calm down and do so quickly. 

She sighed, a deep, exhausted sound, and sat down on the couch. “Damn it, Logan.” She muttered, head in her hands. “We never have any good news for them.” 

He looked at her sadly, agreeing in his silence that yeah, there was nothing good to ever tell the kids these days. But then there never really had been for mutants.

XXXXXXXX

 “Hey, Kitty?” He asked after they’d laid there in silence for a while, just listening to the rain fall. 

Her eyes turned to him. “Yeah?” 

“Why did you help me that night?” That night when he had come to the school looking for her, and she had ended up finding him instead, broken and bleeding, she’d asked him a single question. _Did you deserve it?_ And his answer was still true. 

“I don’t know.” Kitty answered honestly. He could tell she wasn’t lying by the confused, and almost ashamed, look on her face as she thought back to that night. “But I’m glad I did.” 

He nodded and looked back up at the storm, accepting that vague answer for now. “Did you miss us after you left?” Kitty asked quietly. 

John wanted to give her an honest answer like she had for him, but the truth would probably hurt her more than anything. Still, she deserved the truth after everything she’d been through for him. 

“No.” He said simply. 

“It’s funny,” Kitty commented, laying back down next to him on the pavement. “We used to never talk. I think maybe I borrowed your pencil once or something, and said thanks, but that was about it. And now look at us.” She smiled as he turned his head to look at her. “It’s amazing how things change.” 

“Yeah.” He agreed quietly, looking down at the lighter he still held against his stomach. 

She glanced at him. “What are you thinking?” 

Now that was such a fucking loaded question it wasn’t even funny. He almost laughed though. And she noticed his amusement. 

“What?” Kitty asked, sitting up again, smile on her face as the rain poured down around them. 

“What was I thinking?” He asked, sitting up slowly so that he could look at her, at her level. He reached out and brushed some wet hair away from her eyes so that he could see them better. The brush of his fingers against her skin made her smile. 

“I was thinking that,” He thought of the right way to say it, “there’s just something about you that…” He leaned his face in towards hers, and then hesitated when he saw the look in her eyes. “You saved me.” He whispered quietly. 

It was amazing how quickly the tears formed in her eyes. She felt them falling down her cheeks before she could even begin to fight them. “John…” His name, once awkward to speak, something to fear at times, now seemed so natural. “John I…” She leaned her face in closer. 

And he was the one to pull away softly. It surprised her more than anything, because every word he said next was utterly true. “You’re grieving, Kitten.” John told her. “I want to help you, but I don’t…” He sighed, “We just can’t do this right now.” 

He wanted to. Damn did he want to. The image of her nearly naked, standing under the shower bleeding and broken rushed through his mind, and it made him want to scoop her into his arms and save her from the future. 

And six months ago he would have taken advantage of her current vulnerability, would have used her for a night and walked away hating himself even more but never willing to apologize. But things were different now. _He_ was different now. And he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

She was crushed, not only because she’d wanted that temporary comfort and he’d denied her that, but because he’d actually done so for the right reasons and she realized now that she had been willing to use him. How could she do something like that? Especially to him? 

“Interesting.” They both jumped to their feet, more out of instinct than anything, and stared at the source of the third voice. Kitty’s eyes got wide and she looked from John, back to the speaker. 

“I never would have foreseen this.” Magneto commented, slightly amused. 


	22. Chapter 22

 

“[With **fire** you can **teach** people forever about the dangers of **fire** and still see people in their grand cars throwing cigarette butts out of windows and those are the people with degrees, so-called well-educated people.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/with-fire-you-can-teach-people-forever-about-the/1539643.html)”

~   [Fanie Bekke](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/fanie_bekker/) ~

 

**Chapter 22**

And there he was, dorky helmet and all, just standing there looking at John almost expectantly. His mentor, the man he had once thought was nearly God Himself, the only mutant he’d ever really looked up to before Kitty had helped him, the reason he’d stayed with the Brotherhood even when some of its members did things he didn’t agree with, and the damned closest thing he’d ever had to a real father. Here was the man who had taken his soul away, like he had Mystique’s, the man who would just as quickly have tossed it aside at the first sign of his being cured. 

Eric Lehnsherr was a practical man. Years of devastating—and long remembered—times in a torturous camp, where he was persecuted merely for his belief in life itself and its purpose, had taught him one thing: patience. Anyone else would have struck out against the young traitor in front of him—fraternizing with the X-Men—but Magneto knew it was better to wait. The physical conflict would come much later, and there would be blood. 

John flicked his lighter open—useless as it was in the rainstorm—and nearly panicked when it flew from his hand and into Magneto’s. The older man studied the Zippo, as if trying to remember where he had seen it before. 

“Still carrying this around, are you?” His tone was conversational, like they were all sitting around a fucking dinner table. 

“What do you want?” Kitty asked, because John couldn’t speak. He simply didn’t know what to say. And when Kitty took hold of his wrist, he knew she was doing so in case she needed to phase them both. 

The older man studied Kitty as if she were a statue at a museum, taking in any possible strengths or weaknesses that were outwardly apparent. Charles had discussed a few of his students with his old friend from time to time, asking for advice, and he had looked for some insight when it came to the young Miss Pryde. He could see now how she would have been reluctant to join the school. She seemed almost as if she would normally be too happy for the place—he understood his presence had a way of stripping happiness from some. 

“I came to visit my daughter,” That was half the truth, “but found her already gone. She seems to be having trouble with her late husband.”

“What kind of trouble?” John asked, before he could stop himself. It wasn’t really relevant to the present situation, but he was curious. Kitty looked at him in disbelief that he would attempt a normal conversation with Magneto. 

“He’s not dead anymore.” Magneto answered, looking right at John. And Kitty’s grip on his wrist tightened a bit. 

“Fine, she’s not here.” Kitty said. “Then leave.” His eyes shifted back to the girl, and the smallest hint of a smile curled the edges of his lips. John recognized it as his smile of pride, the one he always gave when he was impressed by someone but didn’t want to tell them.

“Didn’t Charles ever teach you to respect your elders?” He asked her, his tone matching the obscure emotions on his face. 

“I give my respect to those who deserve it.” Kitty said, glaring at him. And John had to admire the guts it took to stand up to your enemy like that. 

Eric held the lighter out in front of him, watching the rain fall upon the metal for a moment, then glanced up over it at John. “Water drowns your fire and all you do is stand there.” He commented. 

“His power doesn’t make him who he is.” Kitty said quickly, glare intensifying as she moved to stand a bit in front of John defensively.

“Doesn’t it?” Magneto asked, raising an eyebrow. The question was directed to John. “And what are you without the X-Men?” His attention shifted again; he was speaking to Kitty now. “A technology geek who knows more about the way computers work than is healthy for anyone to know.” 

Her glare wavered for a moment. And suddenly John realized what Magneto was doing. He’d done it so many times to other mutants before, to John himself, but this was crossing the line. 

“Shut up.” He said bitterly, and this time John was the one glaring at Magneto. 

If the older man was surprised by this reaction, he made no show of it. He simply looked indifferent, a viewer who felt no emotional attachments to the characters he saw playing on the screen before him. 

“You don’t belong with these people, Pyro.” Magneto said simply. And the use of his alias just pissed John off.

What is your _real_ name, John? 

“Just leave.” John snapped. 

“You know it’s true.” Magneto said, giving them both a cold smile. “That’s why you wouldn’t kiss her.” 

“That’s not wh…“ John paused, thinking about it. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. 

“You can’t hurt us.” Kitty told Magneto defiantly. “You can’t even touch us.”

He actually chuckled, as if amused by the words she was speaking. “My dear, if I were here to hurt you, you would no longer be standing there.” There was a deadly threat behind those words when he spoke them. 

“Get the hell away from us!” John yelled, making Kitty flinch and Magneto’s eyes flare with instant anger, though he kept the rest of his composure. 

“You claim to believe in what you are, then affiliate yourself with those who think otherwise.” Magneto said sharply, though he never raised his voice. And they could still hear him above the storm. “You know you don’t belong here, with them. You feel it in everything you do.” 

“They’re not what you think!” John snapped, and even he was surprised by his words. But then, he could admit the X-Men were the good guys, couldn’t he? Their views weren’t all that different from Magneto’s, they merely expressed them differently. 

“Did any of them go looking for you after you left?” Magneto offered, waiting for an answer. 

He’d turned this thought over in his mind a thousand times, and John had only come up with one possible explanation. “They were dealing with Dr. Grey’s death!” John hissed in reply, and then added, “The first time.” 

“And in all their days after that, they never once attempted to locate you when you were with our Brotherhood.” Magneto pointed out. 

 _Our_ Brotherhood. Was it impossible to ever fully _leave_ the Brotherhood? Not when John still agreed with what they stood for. And, admittedly, though he knew it was wrong, he still thought of some of the violence as just plain fun. Being allowed the freedom to _not_ control his fire had been incredible. 

“The longer you stay here, the more they will cloud your mind with lies and illusions of hope.” Magneto continued. “In a world where human beings create a virus to perform a genocide they have been moving towards for decades, how can you trust _anyone_ who wants to protect _everyone_?” 

“Just leave.” John said through gritted teeth. This really was the last thing he needed right now. As if his inner demons weren’t present enough on their own, now he had to deal with the most powerful of them all. 

“If you care for them at all, you won’t stay.” Magneto told him, letting the Zippo glide into the air between the three of them. John made no move to even look at it, let alone snatch it back. “You’re destructive to whoever is around you. At least at my side that angry can be directed towards the right people and—“ 

“Is there a point to your rambling?” Kitty asked suddenly. “Because it’s getting really old and you’ve only been talking for a few minutes now.”

“When he talks, you listen.” She jumped in surprise from the new voice that came from behind her. Kitty turned around to see who it was, and he literally split into two. John didn’t seem at all surprised by Madrox’s appearance. 

“You didn’t honestly think I’d visit the Avenger’s Mansion alone?” Magneto commented, amused by the very idea of it. 

The storm had started to become more intense—though no one present showed any sign of noticing it. They were too busy dealing with the tension that Magneto’s mere presence brought about. Except for Jamie Madrox, who had an amused grin on his face and seemed indifferent to whatever apparent history they all had between them.

“I say again, in a not-so-understanding tone this time,” Kitty told them, glaring at Magneto, “What _do_ you want?” 

“I can see why you chose her.” Magneto commented, speaking to John. “She’s got spirit. Won’t just give in.” 

“She asked you a question.” John snapped. 

“And I answered it, no more than five minutes ago.” Magneto replied politely. 

“There’s no way you’d risk coming to the Avenger’s Mansion when everyone’s looking for you, just to visit your estranged daughter whom you haven’t paid any attention to in years.” Kitty told him. 

“Someone’s done her homework.” He smiled at Kitty. And that made John furious. He wanted to slam his fist into Magneto’s face just to get him to shut the fuck up. Instead, he reached out and finally took his floating lighter into his hand. 

“Fire does no good in the rain, my boy.” Magneto told him matter-of-factly. 

“I’m not ‘your boy’.” John told him bitterly. 

“The more you try to convince yourself of that, the more you’ll realize the truth.” Magneto’s tone had become very serious, very suddenly, as if John’s one simple comment had done more internal damage than anything else could have. Could it be that he actually cared for the boy the way a father might? John shoved that idea out of his mind the moment it was born. 

“I was actually wondering if you could help me out with something, Miss Pryde.” Kitty seemed surprised, and slightly scared, by Magneto’s latest revelation.

“I’m not helping you do anything.” She replied sharply. 

“Somehow,” Magneto’s eerie smile was back, “I doubt that.” There was a warning in the way he said it, in the look he gave the girl as he spoke. 

But her fear quickly turned to a determined and open rebellion against the older man, and she took hold of John’s hand so tightly he nearly said something. 

And then, he _felt_ it. 

The rain, pouring down around them, landing on the pavement, bouncing off of their skin and onto the ground, it was no longer _hitting_ them at all. He looked down at himself and watched as the rain drops fell through his body and onto the ground, as if he weren’t even standing there. And each tiny droplet sent shivers down his spine, the way Kitty did sometimes when she simply smiled at him. He looked at her, surprised and expecting an explanation. But she had her attention on Magneto. 

“You can’t touch us.” She told him.

“Maybe not.” Magneto agreed, and then glanced at the Mansion. “But what about them?” Kitty’s power over him wavered for a moment, and John felt the rain landing somewhere between his skin and the ground. 

“They can take care of themselves.” Kitty told him, and she sounded pretty damn sure of it too. 

“Like Peter Rasputin?” When Magneto spoke that name, John felt the rain start to hit him again, and Kitty took a step backwards. He could tell, even with the rain falling down her face, that there were also tears streaming down her cheeks to mix with the weather. 

And inside her mind, no her _soul_ , Kitty was struggling for the strength and will to keep breathing. Of all the people in this world, Magneto’s was the last voice she wanted to hear say Peter’s name. She glared at him, unable to see anything but a blur through her tears and her wet hair that was clinging to her face as she gave no regard to it. 

When John reached back for her hand, she took another step backwards. And Kitty could tell by the look in his eyes that he was hurt by her move. But she didn’t care. At least that’s what she told herself. He could be feeling all the pain in the world and she would just…hurt _with_ him. 

“I’ll let you think about it.” Magneto said, and there was a slight hint of sarcasm in his tone. He turned around and walked away, Madrox following a few steps behind him. And John watched, knowing that had been his place only a few months before.

He looked at Kitty, who was watching them walk away with an unreadable look on her face.

XXXXXXXX

“Look, I know things haven’t been the same since the Professor and Scott…” Logan stopped talking when Storm turned to look at him. He sighed quietly, eyes softening in sympathy and an all-too-real understanding of what she was feeling. He was glad Hank had left them alone. He didn’t want the furball to see him like this, nearly as discouraged as she was.

“You had to take on a lot.” Logan spoke softly. 

“More than a lot.” She corrected. “I took on _everything_.” She sounded bitter. The woman who had once been shocked and honored to know that Charles Xavier considered her the best choice to take his place now felt nothing but resentment towards the very idea. 

How could he leave all of this to her? How could he knowingly hand down this amazing responsibility that she would never be able to fulfill? 

“We’ll rebuild the school ‘Ro.” He told her. 

“I’m not worried about the damn school Logan!” She yelled, and even he was surprised by the sudden outburst. Storm was usually the gentler of the two, the peacemaker, and now she was completely frustrated and without hope.

Thunder boomed outside, and both of them glanced towards the window, watching the rain pound against the glass as if it would break. “Storm,” He said sternly, using her code name to get his point across, “We’ll get through this.”

“How do you know that, Logan?” She asked, scoffing. 

“We’ve been through worse.” He reminded her, getting that sympathetic look on his face again. “And,” He added, smiling slightly, “I’m not going anywhere.” Storm looked up at him and couldn’t help but match the look on his face with a smile of her own. 


	23. Chapter 23

 

Burn the evidence…of my existence!

Clear the ashes on the ground!

Burn the evidence…of all these things,

That pull my spirit down!”

~   [Billy](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/fanie_bekker/) Talent “Burn The Evidence” ~

 

**Chapter 23**

 

“Kitty…” She pulled away from him again, this time more violently, turning her entire body so that she didn’t have to look at him. And though John’s first reaction was to get angry, snap something like, ‘well, fine then. Fuck it.’ He didn’t. He swallowed his instincts and chose patience over fury. 

And suddenly he realized that this was the first time since hearing of Peter’s death that Kitty had actually _cried_ about it. 

_I loved him._  

He had no doubt that she had. Kitty’s heart, though very giving and accepting, did keep careful watch over who it was given to completely. And Peter Rasputin had held every piece of her heart in his hands. Every piece. 

At his death those pieces had fallen to the ground, and though he’d jumped to save them, they’d slipped through John’s hands as well and landed on the rain-soaked ground. Now, he was carefully doing his best to pick each piece up and put them back together again, not exactly as they had been, but _stronger_ than before, because he was using pieces of his own heart to fill the holes. He was giving her shards of him he’d long ago cast aside, hoping that maybe together they’d make each other whole again. 

If that was possible for a person like him. 

She was trembling silently, the way you do when you’re crying but you don’t want anyone to notice, and yet you know they will. Her arms were crossed over her stomach, holding it as if to stop the aching inside of her chest. She no longer noticed the rain, she no longer felt the cold, she only knew tears and pain and sorrow. And then she knew John’s arms as he wrapped them around her, his stomach against her back, and held her close. 

Delayed grief. Xavier had mentioned it during one of his boring lectures once. It was when someone held in their pain and sadness from losing a loved one for as long as they could, until finally they just couldn’t breathe anymore without doing something about it. And as she cried now, John knew that this was Kitty’s way of doing something about her grief. 

His arms laid over hers, pulling her closer, and his head rested on her shoulder. Kitty leaned back into him, he being her only support, the only thing keeping her standing during this moment of complete loss. And as she cried, Kitty noticed his silence, the way his muscles were just as tense as hers, focused on trying to hold back…tears?

John was crying _with_ her. 

Or trying not to. 

Her pain was his, and somehow she’d known that long before he had. But never had she seen John Allerdyce even come close to crying in front of someone else. Not even when Liz Braddock had kicked him in the groin for making one of his stupid remarks back when they were all only barely teenagers. And that, she imagined, had hurt like hell. 

Kitty felt the grief wash over her with the rain, falling to the pavement where it could just melt away. And all at once, she stopped crying. He relaxed only when she did. She turned around, slipping out of his arms, and looked up at him, unsure of how to express just how thankful she was for what he’d just done. And, reaching up and rubbing a thumb gently under one of his eyes, she felt a warm tear on his cheek. He gave her a weak smile, as if to say, ‘hey, I wasn’t really crying for you.’ 

“John, I…” 

“Kitty!” They both turned to look at Storm who was rushing over to them. She paused, glanced around at the pouring rain, and then her eyes fogged over and the storm was gone instantly, leaving both John and Kitty to stand there in freezing, wet clothes, trying to shield their eyes from the sudden sunlight. 

“I’m sorry.” Storm said. “I hadn’t realized I let it get that bad.” She looked around at the water that had collected on the pavement. 

John made a convincing act of wiping the rain from his face and away from his eyes so that Logan and Storm wouldn’t know he’d actually had tears there, and waited for whatever Storm so urgently wanted to tell them. 

“It’s Illyana.” Storm said, and Kitty’s heart sank. She had called Peter’s sister a week ago, telling her to get over to the US to see her brother one last time before he died. And she hadn’t made it. Kitty had the horrible feeling that she was about to learn why. “Her plane disappeared. 

“What, like they crashed?” Kitty asked. 

“No.” Storm said. “It just…disappeared.” 

Logan raised an eyebrow, watching Kitty’s face to see her reaction. He’d kept a careful watch on her the last week or so, noticing that she hadn’t cried about Peter’s death at all. Now, he waited to see if this news would trigger the tears. 

“Oh.” Was all Kitty said. 

“Are you okay?” Storm asked, as surprised by her seemingly indifferent reaction as Logan was.

“Yeah.” Kitty replied, walking past them and towards the mansion. 

John glanced at Logan, who thought for a moment and realized that something must have happened right before he and Storm had arrived, and asked, “What is it?”

And John hesitated. He didn’t want to tell them. Their first thought would be that he had told Magneto where they were, that it was somehow part of a plan he’d helped to set up and been playing out all along. But they were staring at him—both Logan and Storm—expecting an answer. She looked slightly confused, and he looked less than patient. 

John glanced down at the Zippo in his hand, still wet from the rain, then looked back up at them. “Magneto.” That was all he needed to say.

XXXXXXXX

“Kitty?” She ignored Warren as he walked into the room and just kept hitting the punching bag. Hadn’t she played this scene out before? Knuckles bleeding, heart pumping, permanent glare on her face as she beat the hell out of a bag filled with sand just to _feel_ something other than the inner pain that life kept throwing at her. “Kitty!” He shouted. 

“What!?” She yelled, grabbing the punching bag to stop it from swinging as she turned her glare to him instead. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. She studied the rich boy carefully, took in the near perfect appearance that would have made any other girl swoon, and then turned her attention back to the punching bag, though she didn’t hit it. 

“What _isn’t_ wrong, Warren?” She kept her gaze on the punching bag. 

“I heard about Peter’s sister.” He commented quietly. She closed her eyes and sighed at the mention of that subject, but didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry.” He meant it too. She could hear it in his voice. This boy, who’d been near a perfect stranger only a few months before, was now a friend who gave her comfort just by being there. 

“Well, there’s a chance that she’ll turn up.” Kitty told him. She didn’t believe that, but she would say it aloud anytime someone tried to apologize for the situation they had no control over.

Warren nodded, leaning against the wall casually, wings resting behind him. They were so large that the bottom feathers brushed the ground where he stood. He looked at the floor for a moment, thinking, then looked back up at Kitty. “So, you and this Pyro guy…” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “They told me he left a while back?” 

“Yeah.” Kitty replied, looking back at the punching bag. 

“With Magneto.” Warren added. 

“Yeah.”

“So, why did you help him?” Warren asked her. He knew the answer already, but he wanted to know if she was willing to admit it aloud yet. 

She was quiet for a moment, the image of John standing there outside the school, beaten and bloody, looking at her with an empty look in his eyes, like he had had nothing left, and he hadn’t. 

_Did you deserve it?_  

_I always do._

Kitty looked right into Warren’s blue eyes, kept their gaze, and answered, “Because it was the right thing to do.” 

He nodded. So, she wasn’t willing to admit it yet. Or maybe she didn’t even know the reason, wasn’t aware of what everyone around them saw so plainly. “He seems like a good guy.” Warren told her. 

“Yeah.” Kitty said, repeating that simple answer once more. “Yeah, he does.”

XXXXXXXX

Hours later, everyone was asleep, and John was sitting locked in the guest room that had become his prison cell. He was just sitting there, staring at the wall, thinking on all that had happened since he’d been ‘cured’ when Rogue opened the door and walked in. 

She sat down next to him without saying a word, gloved hands clasped where they rested on her lap. She turned her face to look at him and spoke quietly. “I saw what you did.” He looked at her. “For Kitty, earlier when ya were outside with her.” 

He looked back at the wall. “And…?” He asked her. 

“Thank you.” From all the people in the world, John had never expected to get a thank you from Rogue. 

“Why are you thanking me?” He asked. 

“Because she and I…things have been sort of tense since Alcatraz.” _Since Bobby was hitting on her…_ “She doesn’t talk to me the way she used to. And I…I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how.” 

John nodded slightly. 

“I missed you.” Rogue told him, and John gave her a ‘what the fuck are you talking about?’ look. She smiled slightly. “Bobby had to start competing with me in everything after ya left.” 

He relaxed a little and even risked a small smile. “He still lost, didn’t he?”

Rogue laughed. “Hell yeah!” 

XXXXXXXX 

There are moments in life where everything seems to pause. And then it hits super speed and smacks you right in the face, throwing you back onto the ground with your breath knocked out of you and your soul hurting. And you don’t know if you can stand back up again. 

This was one of those moments for Kitty. After talking with Warren, she’d gone back to her room, feeling a little bit better about everything. It was amazing how ‘Angel’ could calm her down sometimes. He had a soothing quality that she admired. 

But now she was alone again, sitting in her room, looking down at the picture of her, and Peter, and Illyana when the girl had visited two summers ago. They were all smiling, trying to keep their eyes open despite the fact that the sun was shining right onto their faces. Kitty smiled, remembering that day. 

She looked up, gazed over at the X-Suit that Storm had given her a year before.

“ _It won’t be easy. You’ll want to give up, you’ll wonder why we even bother? At times you’ll have no hope at all. But then one day, you’ll see the face of someone you’ve saved, and you’ll know that it was worth it. Even if only for that_ one _person.”_

How true Storm’s words had been. 

John’s face close to hers, his warm breath when he whispered, _“You saved me.”_  

All she’d wanted to do was clean his wounds and send him on his way. But somewhere along that path she’d learned who he really was, and she’d fallen in love with that person. But now, Magneto was back, and she was sure he would revert to his old personality, play it like nothing had happened. Or maybe his words had been planned for weeks, and this had all be another master plan by Magneto to get into the X-Men and destroy them from the inside out. 

_{It will be alright.}_  

Tears came to her eyes as she heard Charles Xavier’s voice in her mind, just like she had used to. Only she knew that this was her imagination compensating for the loss, bringing back the one thing that had always assuredly comforted her. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can admit now that Magneto is pretty ooc here, but teenage me didn't know that. Ah well, this is a historical record xD

 

“Get up, get out, get away from these liars   
Cos they don't get your soul or your fire.”

~   Snow Patrol “Open Your Eyes” ~

 

**Chapter 24**

“It’s unhealthy to bottle up your emotions.” Kitty jumped in surprise at the sound of Magneto’s voice, turning around in a hurry to find him standing there. 

“How the fuck did you get in here?” She asked bitterly. 

“Quite a mouth you have, my dear.” He said. “Charles would be ashamed.” 

“The Professor is dead.” Kitty said. And though she meant it to be an insult in regards to what Magneto had just said, it came out as more of a sad regret. 

“Are you sure?” Magneto asked, giving her a slight smile. She was about to ask him what the hell he was talking about, when Magneto continued. “These Sentinels, they’re targeting mutants?” 

“We took care of them.” 

Magneto laughed quietly. “If they had only made a handful of them, they wouldn’t be as successful as they are.” He pointed out. “You made the first move. That is all.” 

She knew that was true, but Kitty didn’t need him to point out the facts to her. “What do you want?” She asked. 

“And the government made them, yes?” He asked, though he seemed sure of the answer already. This was not the first time in his life that Eric had encountered a government that enforced its own beliefs with force. “Charles use to tell me you were something of a computer whiz.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.” Kitty said.

“And these machines—because that is all they are—they can be programmed to do anything.” He commented.

Suddenly, Kitty knew where he was going with this. “No.” She said. “I’m not going to help you do that.” 

He raised an eyebrow, looking at her, “I told you before, I find that hard to believe.”

“Why?” She asked defiantly, folding her arms and glaring at him. 

“Because I know something you do not.” He answered, using his eerie smile to get the point completely across. 

“I’m sure.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes at the idea. 

His smile disappeared and he looked at her for a moment. “If you’re thinking I won’t hurt them to get what I need, you’re wrong.” He told her simply, and Kitty looked at him with wide eyes. She could tell he was telling her the truth, she could feel that truth punching her in the face. 

Magneto had killed Rogue once. Kitty still remembered the way Rogue had told her about it, near whispering, tears in her eyes, but needing to tell someone. And Magneto had turned Dr. Grey against them, nearly killing them all—himself included. Yes, she knew he was telling her the truth. 

“You’re not going to give me a choice, are you?” She asked. 

“I never did believe in democracy.” Magneto told her in answer. “There are still too many weaknesses within its set up that humanity is unwilling to fix.” 

“What do you want me to do?” She asked bitterly.

He answered her with another smile. 

XXXXXXXX

 “Kitty?” Storm knocked on the door again, then opened it slowly and looked inside. The room was empty. “Kitty…” She whispered, then glanced back, “Logan!” 

He came running over, sensing the urgency in her voice. “What is it?” He asked, then paused once inside the room and looked around for a moment, sniffing the air. “How the hell did he get in without us knowing about it?”

“Hey guys, what’s all the yelling about?” Bobby asked, pausing behind Storm outside the door. 

“Magneto has Kitty.” Logan said simply, before Storm could think of a better way to word it or a way to entirely avoid answering the question altogether. 

“I thought he was cured.” Bobby said, laughing nervously. 

“So was Rogue.” Logan pointed out, walking past them. 

“Logan, where are you going?” Storm asked. 

“To get her back.” He answered. 

“Damn it!” She muttered, rushing after him. Bobby stood there for a moment, staring into Kitty’s empty room, and then took off after Storm and Logan.

“Open the door!” Logan said, after pounding onto it with his fist a couple times. No one was more surprised to see Rogue answer John’s door than Logan. “What the hell are you…” He sighed. “Never mind that for now. Magneto has Kitty.” 

“What?” Rogue asked, ignoring the horrified look her boyfriend gave her when he arrived on the scene.

Logan looked over Rogue’s shoulder at John, who was standing a few feet behind her. The emotions on his face were so mixed and humbled, that he wasn’t quite sure what the kid was feeling at that moment. Their eyes met, and John suddenly knew that this wasn’t going to end up well. 

“Get your lighter.” Logan told him, pointing to the kid before turning and walking back down the hallway towards the jet.

“You’re not seriously thinking of letting him come with us?” Bobby argued. “I mean, this is Magneto…how do we know he won’t just join up with him again and…” 

Logan stopped walking and turned around to glare at Bobby. “Save it.” He told him. “He knows more about Magneto,” He pointed to John, “than anyone else in this room.” Logan turned and started walking again.

“That was kind of my point.” Bobby muttered as John walked past him.

XXXXXXXX

 

She could leave at any time. Just walk through the walls and find her way back to the Avenger’s Mansion. There was no way he could keep her here, and Kitty took comfort in that fact. 

But she was still there. 

How long before the X-Men realized she was gone and that something was wrong though? They seemed to sense these things almost immediately at times. 

“Tell me,” Magneto said, “Wherever did you find him?” Kitty hated the conversational tone of voice the older mutant was using, like maybe she was just over for tea. 

“He found me.” She answered coldly. 

Magneto nodded, thinking for a moment. “You do realize he hasn’t really changed.” It was not a question, and she glared at him in response. “So, the thought has crossed your mind, I see.” 

“He’s not the person you think he is.” She argued, looking away from him. She hated those grey eyes staring at her. 

“I could say the same to you.” He pointed out. “Fire, in its very essence, fights against control. It never wavers, it never stops, it is always looking for a way to break free and burn everything around it.” Magneto explained. “It feels no guilt for leaving ashes behind in its wake, in fact it relishes in doing so.” 

“You nearly ruined him!” Kitty snapped, glaring at Magneto with such intensity that he actually seemed to notice it. 

“I merely let him become who he always was.” He said. “Can you say the same?”

She thought for a moment. “Yes.” Kitty finally told him.

Magneto was not at all pleased with her answer. It showed in the frown on his face, the way the wrinkles in his forehead gathered together as his glare become more apparent. “You spent all your time focusing on a lost cause when you could have been stopping these Sentinels instead.” 

“John’s not a lost cause.” Kitty replied. 

“If you really believed that, you wouldn’t be doubting his true allegiance right now.” Magneto pointed out, smiling in amusement when she looked surprised that he knew she was worried about it. 

“The X-Men will find us.” Kitty told him. 

“Of course they will.” Magneto replied, reaching over to his desk where laid a small box. He opened it and took out what looked like a medical needle with a dropper on the end. “I’m quite looking forward to it.” There was a gleam of revenge in the old man’s eyes as he stared at the dropper. 

“What is that?”

He looked over at her, as if he’d forgotten she was even in the room. “Humanity is capable of many evils. It is a wise man who can turn those faults into his own strengths.” He walked over to where she was sitting. “Stand up.” 

“Why?” Kitty asked nervously. 

“Just do it. I’m not going to hurt you.” Magneto told her. And then, when she still ignored his command, he added, “I will hurt _them_ though, so stand up.” 

Slowly, she stood up, suddenly very afraid of him. And Kitty was cursing her heart, her natural worry for those she cared about, even when she knew they probably could take care of themselves. But she’d been at Alcatraz, had seen Magneto almost succeed in defeating them all. She did not want to gamble with that possibility again. 

“Turn around.” She did as she was told, and he brushed her hair to rest on her shoulders, exposing the back of her neck. A few seconds later, Kitty felt something hot and acidic melting on her skin on the back of her neck. She jumped away from Magneto, hand reaching back to see what he’d done. Her neck felt wet, and there was a circle where a wound was beginning to form. 

This was Stryker’s technology. 

“What did you just do?” She whispered, horrified. If this meant that he could control her now then… 

“It’s a temporary way to repress your mutant ability.” He explained. “I modified Stryker’s formula and…” 

“Made another fucking cure.” She snapped. 

“NO!” She jumped in surprise when Magneto yelled at her. He seemed more upset by this one little comment than anything she’d said yet. “This is _nothing_ like what they did to us!” 

But it was.

She reached out and touched the wall, horrified when she found that she couldn’t phase her hand through it. “What did you do to me?” She snapped, glaring at him. 

“I couldn’t have you running through walls, my dear.” He replied, his calm demeanor returned. But she would never forget that moment of pure furiousness. “And now you won’t.”

Madrox, who had been standing in the corner, listening to their conversation, smiled in amusement as she tried again to phase through the wall. And Kitty glared at him. Then she walked over to Magneto, completely unafraid. 

“Soon, very soon, you’re going to slip up and show me one of your weaknesses. And I swear on everything I hold dear, that the moment that happens, I will take you down.” Kitty told him. It was not an empty threat. Madrox’s smile faded, and he actually looked concerned, but Magneto seemed indifferent completely. 

She hated being there, under his control, and all because it was just part of her personality to protect those she loved. And now she couldn’t even get away if she had to. What she wouldn’t have given for a bed to just hide under in that moment.

XXXXXXXX 

John Allerdyce had a choice to make. They were nearly where Magneto lived in an underground cave—he’d given them the location without hesitation—and he still wasn’t completely sure who’s side he was on. 

Fire. Fire unbridled, completely free and unrestricted, that was all Magneto had ever been able to offer him. But was it really freedom if you destroyed yourself in the process? 

And yet, what did the X-Men have to offer him other than hidden hatred and the need for revenge against him? Things were okay with Rogue—and he’d been surprised to find he actually cared that they were—but he’d never be friends with Bobby. Everyone knew that.

Which is why it was ironic that the one place where John had finally realized who he was had been at Bobby’s house, surrounded by police, staring down at what he had thought was Logan’s dead body. A life changing moment for them all. He would never truly be an X-Man after that.

The only thing he had going for him was Kitty Pryde. John knew that. He could never live in her world, not completely, walking amongst heroes who actually gave a damn about the innocent people in this world. John gave a damn now, but only because he knew it was what _she_ would want. And he recognized that as false heroism. He would even admit it. He wasn’t a hero, and he never would be. This just wasn’t his place. 

So where was? 

He wasn’t listening when Logan explained whatever quickie plan they’d come up with on the way to Magneto’s. John just stood there in the X-jet, his mind turning over every moment since the night Kitty had taken him in and given him his soul back. And when they all started walking towards the place, he hesitated, for only a few moments. Then, John took another path completely, parting from the X-Men and moving to be on his own. He had an idea of what Magneto wanted. And he hadn’t told them yet.


	25. Chapter 25

 

“[A life without **love** in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth - with the **fire** dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished.](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/a_life_without_love_in_it_is_like_a_heap_of_ashes/7139.html)”

~ Unknown ~

 

**Chapter 25**

It was a classic story: boy meets girl, girl saves boy, boy realizes there’s nothing he can ever do to make up for all girl has done for him, girl is in danger, boy offers himself in her place, boy saves girl and still doesn’t make up for all she did for him. 

Or maybe it wasn’t such a classic. But whatever it was, it was currently the story of his life. Let the X-Men take their time and find a way to sneak into the place. John knew his way around enough to use the front door. 

And he did. 

The funny thing was, that when he walked into the room, Magneto didn’t seem at all surprised by his appearance. Kitty did, however. She gave him a questioning look at first, not sure that he wanted Magneto to know he was there right away. But John spoke. 

“Are you okay?” 

Magneto looked up from his book—George Orwell’s _1984_ —and glanced at John. It was interesting that right at the moment when Eric had been wondering where the boy’s loyalty truly lied, that he would appear. It was a bit ironic, and irony usually either forecast the future or warned you of it. 

“Decided to join us, did you?” Magneto commented, looking back down at his book. 

Kitty stood up from the chair where she’d sat and walked over to John, carefully keeping her eyes on Madrox the entire time. She knew that if he made a sudden move, she no longer had her usually easy escape of letting him phase through her. 

“Let’s go.” John said quietly to Kitty, taking her hand and leading her towards the door. 

“That door leads to a path you’re not ready to walk, John.” Magneto didn’t even look up from his book, and John was a bit taken back by the use of his first name from the mutant who had always insisted he refer to himself as Pyro. “And once you open it, there is no returning.” 

Magneto looked up at them finally. “ _Allegory of the Cave_.” He said, as if that was supposed to mean something to them. “She’s going to help me whether you want it or not.” 

“No, she’s leaving right now.” John told him coldly. 

“And what about you?” That question, coming from Magneto seemed to bite at all of their souls in that moment. It was time to know the answer to the question that Kitty had been wondering since Magneto’s return. 

John let go of her hand slowly, letting his arm hang at his side. His lighter was a split second away from reach where it rested in his pocket. He could almost feel it in his hand already. But he did not reach for it. 

“ _You feel safe in small dark places?”_  

“ _When I have control over the situation, yes.”_  

“What do you even want her for?” John asked, completely avoiding answering the question. “She’s done nothing to you that you didn’t deserve, so just let her walk away.” 

“Everyone in this room knows that can not happen.” Magneto told them. “You are not a lighthouse, though you do light the way at times.” He glanced towards John’s pocket, knowing the lighter was there. 

“ _Now if I couldn’t get out real quick if I needed to, that would be a problem.”_  

“Okay, that’s it. I’m fucking tired of you…” Kitty started walking towards Magneto, and Madrox grabbed her roughly, holding her tightly so that she couldn’t move or get away. She struggled for a moment, but paused when she realized John wasn’t helping her. He was looking down at the Zippo in his hand. 

“John…?” It was whispered because in that moment she was completely afraid. 

She saw that look in his eyes; the one John had given the night of Alcatraz. It was the need for absolute carnage, the craving for freedom, for release. He flicked the lighter open, staring down at it, still resting in his hand, opened but not lit. 

“Now you see where you belong.” Magneto said, watching John carefully. Kitty was watching him even more carefully, tears in her eyes as she realized what she had been terrified of was about to happen. 

He still said nothing in reply to either Magneto or Kitty. The lighter shined, light flickering off of the smooth metal casing that contained the fuel. His entire soul incarnated into one of man’s greatest creations—fire. John looked up at Magneto, who seemed quite pleased. 

“With her help, we can stop these Sentinel’s from attacking our kind, and focus them on those who truly deserve to be ‘cured’.” He explained. 

“You brought me here to reprogram them!?” Kitty yelled, focusing all of her rage and frustration on Magneto as she began to struggle against Madrox’s hold again. “You bastard!” She looked to John for some help; the reassurance that he knew Magneto was truly evil now. But he was still staring at his lighter. 

Only now it was floating in the air in front of him. 

Magneto stood up and walked over to them. “You have a choice to make.” He told John, speaking to him directly. “You can live the rest of your life with them, pretending that perhaps someday you will actually become someone they can trust. Or, you can return to the Brotherhood and help us gather once more those who still stand for our cause.” 

To this, John responded for the first time, looking from his lighter to the man who controlled it. “ _Our_ cause?” At this simple phrase, Magneto tensed and seemed to worry. But Kitty relaxed, at least a little. She was still wary of John and what his possible next move would be, but she wasn’t holding her breath waiting for him to go evil anymore either. 

“You nearly killed everyone in the name of _your_ cause—you even let the one man you actually considered your friend to be killed for _your_ cause, and as much as I hated him, Professor Xavier didn’t deserve that!”

The lighter flew through the air, snapping into Magneto’s hand where his fist clasped it tightly. “You’re _not_ one of them! You never were and you never will be!” Magneto’s voice was deep, resonate, demanding that all present listen to it, but he spoke directly to John. 

John’s glare intensified and his hands closed into fists at his side. If he only had some fucking flames to throw at the man! It pissed him off more than anything that Magneto had taken his lighter away, just like that. 

“Stop lying to yourself.” Magneto continued, his voice a bit softer this time. He was using his paternal tone again; the one he’d often given John advice with. And his advice, though at times a bit unorthodox, had always made sense. “Stop lying to _her_. She deserves better. You know that. All you can bring her is pain.”

John’s glare wavered as he glanced at Kitty, as if actually considering what Magneto was telling him. His mind flew across the idea that she could have phased away from Madrox’s hold by now but hadn’t. Why hadn’t she? 

And she was not going to lose him again to his inner doubts and self-hatred. Kitty could see the thoughts running through his mind as he looked at her. He was trying to figure out if what Magneto said was true. “No, damn it!” Kitty screamed. “John, don’t you listen to him!” Things had almost started to look better, and then this moment…How was Magneto so annoying and yet persuasive at the same time? 

“Shut her up.” Magneto said, and Madrox had his hand over Kitty’s mouth in an instant. She struggled against his hold on her, but ultimately lost in the battle to get away. She wasn’t used to having to fight to get free, and it felt odd. John kept his eyes on her, more uncertain suddenly by what he was being told by Magneto and how true it actually was. 

And all at once Kitty stopped struggling, and she just looked at him, the tears that had formed in her eyes minutes before, falling down her face. 

“Your place is at my side.” Magneto told John, sensing the moment of emotional vulnerability. 

John tore his gaze away from Kitty and looked at Magneto. 

XXXXXXXX

 “Where’s John?” Storm asked suddenly, and they all stopped walking. Bobby got the proud look on his face that screamed ‘I fucking told you so, you idiots!’ And Logan was more surprised than anything that he hadn’t noticed the kid leave. But then he’d been focused on trying to catch Magneto’s scent. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Rogue said, and Bobby looked at her in shock. “We’ve gotta get her outa’ here and we won’t do tha’ standin’ around.”

Logan was proud of her. She’d grown up quite a bit since he’d found her lying in the back of his truck. Rogue even had some possible leadership qualities about her, though she doubted them, and that would be the reason she could never truly lead. 

And she, of all the people in the room, truly understood what Magneto was capable of. 

Storm looked at her for a moment, then nodded to Logan, that yes, they would continue without John and deal with trying to find him later. So they all started walking again. But Bobby was uncomfortable.

He spoke quietly so that only Rogue—and unknown to him, Logan—could hear him. “Why are you defending him?” Bobby asked. 

“I’m not defendin’ him, sugah, I’m just pointing out tha’ we…” She turned her head and looked at her boyfriend. “Are you even listenin’ to me?”

“I just don’t understand how you can all be so fucking forgiving. He was on Magneto’s side! I saw him burn down an entire building with one damn explosion!” Yeah, that memory was still clear in his mind. Had he fought John the way he’d taunted him, maybe the innocent people in the building that provided the cure would still be alive. Then again, they had been providing the cure…

“I never said I forgave him.” Rogue said darkly, glaring at Bobby. “But I’m tryin’ to get to the point where I can.” And that was one of the reasons Bobby loved her so much. Rogue tried to see the best in people—a lot like Kitty, actually. 

“I’ll never get to that point.” Bobby muttered bitterly. 

“Cause you’re not tryin’.” Rogue pointed out. 

“Logan?” He broke away from listening to Bobby and Rogue’s conversation and looked at Storm. 

“Yeah?” 

“What do we do if he went back to Magneto?” She asked. They both knew that she already knew the answer to that. But this was one of those moments, one of those pivotal choices that made being a leader difficult. 

And Storm had truly hoped that John was back, that he’d finally come home after years of being the wayward son. He had been a student of hers—a trouble-making, sarcastic, always-had-an-attitude student, but a student nonetheless, and she cared for each of those she taught. 

“I don’t know.” Logan lied, looking ahead. They were walking carefully through Magneto’s make-shift lair. It was eerie, like something out of a horror film. He pulled out his lighter and lit a cigar, getting a glare from Storm. “What?” Logan asked. “It’s not like _he_ can smell it.” 

Warren watched them all quietly. Thus far he’d learned more about these X-Men just by observing than he ever could have actually speaking to them. Not that he wouldn’t have minded a little conversation. But it was in his nature to watch quietly, taking in details they probably weren’t even aware of. 

And his hawk-like eyes kept a careful watch ahead and around them. He’d see any tiny movement, eyes meant for hunting, the predator of the skies mixed with human DNA to become an Angel.

He’d gone from spoiled, yet very independent boy to a dependable man who walked beside heroes. He’d saved his father when others would have let him fall. And he hadn’t even rubbed it in his father’s face later how he’d used his wings to save him. 

If his father could only see him now.

XXXXXXXX

 

John held out his hand, waiting for Magneto to give him his lighter back, but he didn’t say a word. And Magneto raised an eyebrow in response, making no move to give the lighter back. He glanced at Kitty, still held tightly—almost painfully—by Madrox, then back at John. 

The older mutant seemed to consider it for a moment, and then shook his head. “No.” He said. “Not yet.” 

John’s glare was instant. He was downright furious with the fact that Magneto was denying him his own lighter. “What, do you want me to prove my fucking loyalty?” He asked angrily. “Again?” 

Magneto’s lips curled into a smile. Kitty hated his smile, the way it reminded her of her grandfather and Hitler all at once. She hated the way his grey eyes told of years of experience, tales she would never want to hear but could probably learn a great deal from, things she’d never want to imagine but could maybe survive from knowing. And she hated that right away, he’d picked up on her greatest weakness. Peter. And now, John. 

What was he playing at? Magneto was just confusing her, trying to regain John’s allegiance while trying to force her into reprogramming the Sentinels to attack humans rather than mutants—she assumed that’s what he wanted. “I won’t help you.” Kitty said suddenly, and Madrox realized too late that he’d let his hand slip from her mouth. 

Magneto motioned for him to let her speak, and he did. “Not after this.” She said through angry tears, glancing at John. “Not after all you’ve just destroyed for me.” 

“A broken heart drives fear to its worst.” Magneto commented, as if to agree. He looked up at John. “But do you think he was ever really yours, Miss Pryde?” John looked at the ground, glaring at it as if it was the thing that had done all the wrongs in his life and led him up to this moment. 

“Did you really think that in those moments when he seemed to care, that he wasn’t merely taking what he could get? You live a lonely life, and you learn to stay lonely. When the chance comes along to take from another, you do not hesitate.” Magneto was speaking from experience. Kitty could tell in the way he said it, the way he was completely sure of what he was saying. 

“A mind like his is not that easily changed.” Magneto continued. “His thoughts remain the same while he goes through the motions to make you think that perhaps there really is—” 

“Shut up!” John yelled, and everyone looked at him. Madrox seemed surprised. Kitty and Magneto did not. She was hoping that maybe, by some miracle, this was a wake up call that would bring him back to her. 

“I’m standing right here!” John added, fists bunching so tightly now that his skin was turning white from the pressure. “I’m in the fucking room!” He looked back at Magneto. “You gave me the closest thing I had to a home, and I’m back now. So do me a favor and quit referring to me as something to use against her!” 

Kitty’s heart fell to the ground and shattered all over again.

… _and I’m back now_

“Now give me my lighter back.” John added darkly. And there was a warning in his eyes that even Magneto couldn’t disregard as nothing. 

He smiled at John, letting the lighter float in the air between them. “Nice to have you back.” He commented as John snatched the lighter up. “Now,” He looked at Kitty, moving on as if what had just occurred meant nothing, “Miss Pryde, I believe we had an arrangement. It’s time for you to carry out your part of the deal.” He nodded to Madrox, who released her from his hold, and Kitty shoved him away, looking at the mutant in disgust. Then she glared at Magneto with such hatred that her face literally turned red. 

“There aren’t words to describe how much I hate you.” Kitty told him through clenched teeth. “The deal’s off. You’ve just taken the one thing I cared about.” John flicked his lighter open and looked at her, and she returned his indifferent glance with a hurt glare. How could he do this to her? After all that she’d done to help him, after all he’d seemed to become and realize, and after what she had just begun to finally admit to herself. How could he do this? 

“I haven’t taken him away from you.” Magneto argued calmly, looking at Kitty as he spoke. “You can not steal something from someone who does not own it in the first place.” John gave the older man a warning glance as he began to refer to him as if he weren’t there again. 

Magneto gave him a slight smile, and then narrowed his eyes as he looked at Kitty. “Then again…” He added, standing up from his chair. 

“What are you doing?” She asked nervously, backing up against the wall in a futile attempt to get away from him. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Magneto said, as if she should just believe him. 

And what was that she saw out of the corner of her eye? A flicker of concern, of nervousness on John’s part as he pretended not to care? She wasn’t sure, but she could always hope… 

“Pyro.” He looked at Magneto at the use of his nickname, flicking the lighter open. “Do you want to give Miss Pryde the reasons why she should help me, or shall I?” He looked at John, waiting for his answer. 

And this wasn’t going at all how John had thought it would. He’d figured he’d go in there, return to Magneto, and everything would be fine. But he was still trying to get Kitty to help him with whatever the hell he needed her help for, and he almost didn’t seem to be buying that John had truly joined him again. 

Time to fight fire with fire. John moved his thumb to flick his lighter open, but it didn’t budge. He looked down at it with wide eyes. “Do you really think I would trust you after all the rumors I’ve heard lately?” Magneto asked, looking at Kitty while he spoke to John. 

“I am not a moron.” Magneto added. 

“Yeah?” John asked sarcastically, trying to open his lighter again. But it wasn’t doing any good. Magneto’s hold on the metal was stronger than any force he could have used to pry it open.

“When you care about a woman,” He finally turned to look at John, “Your way of thinking changes. And there is no going back to the way you were before. _Allegory of the Cave_.” He said, smiling at John. 


	26. Chapter 26

 

“[We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/we_cannot_tear_out_a_single_page_of_our_life-but/185466.html)”

~ George Sand ~

 

**Chapter 26**

“I’m giving you one more chance.” Magneto announced, looking at John. “And then there will be no more chances.” He turned his eyes to give Kitty a dark glance. “You’re not going to win this time.” 

John looked at the floor, the inner struggle between his mind and his heart increasing tenfold. His hand jerked when the lighter snapped out of his grip and into Magneto’s hand, and John glared at him. He was defenseless now, and John knew it too. He’d need Kitty’s help to get them out of here. Or maybe… 

He focused on everything around him, trying to ignore Magneto completely and find that one little hint of what he was looking for in the bastard’s home. He could feel Madrox’s eyes watching him, amused probably that he’d taken his place so quickly. But he did not concern himself with anyone else in the room, John just stood there. 

And then she spoke. 

“John.” 

His hazel eyes glanced up at her, dark and deceiving. He’d give nothing away that he didn’t have to just yet. “Why?” She asked, and the tone of her voice was so sad, so damn desperate and hopeless all at once, that he just wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around her. But he didn’t. 

And since he wasn’t going to give anything away, John had no answer for her that he could say aloud. But Magneto didn’t care. 

“By all means, enlighten us.” The older mutant said in agreement, waiting for John’s answer. 

John tried to push them out of his consciousness again and focus on something in the distance, something faint that might just work if he could only…And there it was. He paused, focusing on it, hoping he could actually do this, because he’d never tried anything like this. Then John looked up at Magneto, and there was danger in his eyes as he smirked at his old mentor. 

Magneto, recognizing that look and knowing what it mean, became wide eyed and stood up to leave the room. But he was too late. Fire born from a simple spark filled the room, and John grabbed Kitty, covering her body with his, shielding her from the flames. 

XXXXXXXX

“Smokin’s bad for ya.” Rogue commented, having walked a bit fast to catch up to Logan. He raised an eyebrow, looking at her from the corner of his eye. 

“Look, I know you have this theory that I…” Everyone jumped back in surprise as Logan’s face exploded.

Rogue tore one of her gloves off, grabbed Bobby, and iced Logan’s face before anyone else had the chance to react. And once he was standing there, glaring because his frozen face was charred, they waited for him to heal. It was still an amazing sight to see. 

Once Logan’s face was healed, he wiped it off—using his shirt—then glanced at what was left of his cigar. “What the hell?” He snapped, throwing it to the ground. There was no reason to stomp the flames out, because there wasn’t a single spark left in that cigar anymore. “I swear, if I get interrupted smoking one of those one more time…” 

“It’s John!” Storm announced as she took off running. Only she’d watched the actual direction the flames had been going in, and only she had noticed how controlled they seemed to be. She was, to say the least, proud of her former student. This, after all, had been one of the lessons she’d taught—go for the source of your ability and use it any way you can. Maybe he hadn’t slept through every lesson. 

Bobby stood there for a moment, looking at Rogue, surprised at how quickly she’d reacted. For a moment she thought he was mad at her, and she even started to apologize.

“Bobby, I’m sorry, I…” She paused when she saw his smile.

“That was fast thinking.” He commented, and they followed after the others, running faster to catch up. 

XXXXXXXX

 John stood there, looking down at Magneto where he’d fallen to the ground. There were balls of flame in each of his hands, perfectly controlled, fed by the hatred and fire he now had for someone he’d once looked up to. 

“You were right.” John told him. “My way of thinking changed.” He took a step towards him. “My thought process is sane now.”

Madrox, who had only just recovered from the blast enough to stand up, looked down at his charged clothes, and then glared at John. He started to split, but John threw some flames at him without even having to look. “Don’t move!” He said, tone demanding that the other mutant listen. And he did. 

Kitty stood there, looking at John, a mixture of fear and pride and relief all at once washing through her mind. She too had seen that look on his face before; at Alcatraz. But something was different this time—he wasn’t just annoyed, he was downright pissed off. 

“Don’t you _EVER_ go after the people I care about!” John yelled, throwing a ball of flame at Magneto that he only just dodged. “I followed you around, I watched your fucking back when you didn’t think anyone was trying to hurt you, I fought for you when I didn’t even really understand why!” He yelled, face getting as hot and red as the flames in his hands. He threw some more at Magneto, who caught the tail on his arm this time and grabbed it in pain. 

“I gave up everything for you!” John yelled. “And what did you do?” He asked. “You threw her aside as soon as she was cured.” Kitty had no idea what he was talking about, but it didn’t seem to matter because Magneto did. 

“She wasn’t one of us!” 

“She was, and you fucking knew that!” 

“You don’t understand…” Magneto started to stand up and John kicked him back down. 

“Don’t understand?” He asked, looking down at him in disgust. “I understand perfectly. You’re sick. Beyond help. Someone just needs to put you down, because there is no way to fix what you are!” 

The flames in his hands grew in intensity and size, and that fire in John’s eyes blazed of pure hatred. “Your turn to lose everything.” He muttered, speaking to Magneto. 

“John!” He glanced at Kitty. “Don’t kill him!” She said. 

John looked back at Magneto, meaning to ignore her, but the sound of her voice was haunting. “He’s evil!” John argued back, having to yell over the crackle of the fire in his hands to be heard. 

“But you’re not!” She said. The flames died a little and he looked at her in disbelief. “You’re not a bad person, John. Don’t do this.” Was she really begging for Magneto’s life? 

“He would have killed you!” 

“But he didn’t.” Kitty reminded him. “Please. Let’s just go.” She held her hand out for him to take. 

John was torn. Torn between wanting to run away with her and wanting to stay and finish the job. He’d imagined this moment for a while now, and to have it so damn close and not succeed was frustrating beyond belief. 

That moment of hesitation gave Magneto some time to recover slightly from his burns. He had his hand held out before him, and the desk he’d sat behind flew across the room and hit the far wall, pinning John in the process. Kitty watched with wide eyes, then glared at Magneto. And as she tried to walk towards him, Madrox attempted to get in her way. 

But Kitty hadn’t just practiced walking through walls in the Danger Room. She grabbed the hand Madrox tried to grab her with and flipped him over her shoulder hard, twisting his arm and breaking it. He cried out in pain, but she just kept walking towards Magneto, completely disregarding him once the threat was gone. 

And she finally understood why John would feel it possible to kill the man. Magneto had hurt the one person she cared about more than anything else in the world. And he didn’t look at all sorry. In fact, the bastard was smiling. 

Seconds later, thrown to the ground by what felt like three different pairs of hands, she was looking up at Madrox’s multiples, and Kitty knew why Magneto had been smiling. The room was now filled with multiples of the annoying mutant, and John’s flame had been taken out with his fall. Once more, Magneto had the upper hand. 

“Kitty!” With strength she didn’t even know he had, John threw them off of her and grabbed her, pulling her towards the wall quickly. When she just stood there, he looked at her in confusion. “Why the hell aren’t you phasing us through the wall!?” He asked, still out of breath from being thrown across the room. 

Kitty’s eyes had tears in them. “I can’t.” She told him. 

“What?” He asked, hand moving to hold her face, trying to comfort her even though he wanted to know what the hell was going on. 

“He modified Stryker’s formula.” Kitty explained. “He temporarily cured me…” 

“I told you to stop calling it that!” Magneto yelled, and both Kitty and John turned to face him again. Then, the entire building started to shake, and the smile on his face told them that it was Magneto’s doing. 

“What the hell did you do!?” John demanded. 

“Just called in a few reinforcements.” The older mutant answered.

XXXXXXXX 

“Logan!” Storm tackled him and threw the both to the side before the Sentinel’s foot could crush them both. 

“I really wish you’d stop doing that.” Logan commented, brushing himself off as he stood up. Then he noticed why she’d thrown him aside, and his claws were unsheathed in an instant. 

“How did they find us?” Angel asked, and Logan motioned for them to be quiet while he studied the large robots. They seemed oblivious to the mutants’ presence, and their movements were almost…forced. 

“Magneto.” He finally concluded. And why not? They were made out of heaven only knew how much metal… 

“This isn’t good.” Storm echoed. 

“No, it really isn’t.” Logan agreed. But after watching them for another few seconds, his face changed and he didn’t seem worried any more. He seemed curious. “They don’t know we’re here yet. Or at least _he_ doesn’t.” 

Storm looked to him for an explanation, then followed his line of sight up to the Sentinels. It was true, they were walking away from them. Completely disregarding the building around them—which had begun to crumble and weaken at the foundation—they just kept walking forward. The almost disastrous step hadn’t been on purpose at all.

“But why would he bring them here?” Bobby asked. “Doesn’t he know they go after mutants?” 

Silence as they all thought for a moment, and then a look of understanding crossed his face and Logan took off running in the direction the Sentinels were headed, easily passing them and continuing on in that general direction. “Logan, what is it!” Storm asked, as they all took off after him. 

Warren, feeling less than adequate on foot, took to what air space was given—following just beside the colossal robots to use the space they created. Rogue glanced up and noticed him, admired the grace with which he flew, and momentarily envied him. And when she looked back down at Bobby—who was just ahead of her—she noticed the falling wreckage that had been the ceiling all too late.

Rogue took a running leap towards her boyfriend, and for a moment she was flying. And then her hands impacted with his back, sending him flying forward, clear of the large debris. But she wasn’t so lucky. 

At least 1000 pounds of metal and rock slammed down on Rogue, crushing her into the already unsteady ground. Bobby, regaining his breath, noticed that everyone had stopped following Logan and had turned around. He got to his feet as quickly as his queasy stomach allowed, then screamed in horror, tears coming to his eyes. And Bobby never cried. 

XXXXXXXX

“What did you do?” Kitty whispered, her question directed towards Magneto, who seemed quite pleased with himself. 

“You will help me reprogram them.” He told her. And he spoke calmly, as if nothing that had just occurred had really happened. Like John hadn’t burned the shit out of him and Madrox, like the Sentinels weren’t walking on the building, crushing it with each step, like the fucking floor wasn’t trembling because their weight was just too much. 

“You’re going to get us all killed!” Kitty screamed, starting towards Magneto. It was John’s hands on her shoulders that kept her back from attacking him. “Do you realize what you’ve done!?” She screamed. “You lose control of them for one second and we’re all dead!” 

“I will not lose control.” Magneto assured her. “Unlike others,” He glanced at John, “I truly understand my power.” 

One of Madrox’s multiples reached towards Kitty, but John kicked his feet out from under him and started beating the hell out of him before he got close enough to even touch her. 

But she was too focused on Magneto to notice, too horrified that any human being—mutant or not—could be this ridiculously selfish and stupid all at once. “They were programmed to adapt to our abilities, you dumbass!” She screamed.

XXXXXXXX

Logan looked near tears. She’d only ever seen him like that once—when the Professor had been killed. But now, he was looking down at Rogue, brushing her hair away from her eyes so that she could see them, and he actually looked like he was going to cry. 

He reached for her hand, to hold it without the glove, but she stopped him. “Won’t help.” Rogue said, gasping the words out. Even she knew she was beyond Logan’s healing power. “But thanks.”

Logan looked at her, horrified that there was nothing he could do. He’d felt it when she had, their special connection born from the time he’d saved her life, brought her back from the dead. He’d _felt_ it. But he couldn’t feel anything now, and he knew that was because she couldn’t either. 

“Bobby…” 

“I’m here.” He assured her, holding her gloved hand. She turned her head to look up at him, just needing to know that it had worked, that she’d been able to save him. And the building was still crumbling around them. 

“Logan, we need to get out of here!” Storm told him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “We can’t stay here much longer!” 

Warren reached for the wreckage, meaning to lift it off of Rogue, but Logan’s hand on his arm stopped him. They already knew she was gone, and they didn’t need to remember her by whatever mangled mess she was underneath. Right now they would focus on the beauty of her face, the way she seemed to oddly be okay with this, because everyone she loved and cared about was okay. 

“Bobby, I love you.” She told him. And he would have answered, but her own words were the last thing she ever heard. 

Logan stood up and slammed his fist into the nearest wall, and Storm took a step backwards, looking like she was about to fall. Warren caught her arms and kept her steady. And Bobby, completely in shock—the survivor’s guilt would come later—stared down at the woman he’d loved. 

Maybe they were just kids, and yeah, maybe they hadn’t even known each other for that long, but what he’d felt for her had been _real_. And now she was gone. 

Because she had saved him. 


	27. Chapter 27

 

“[](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/o_love-o_fire-once_he_drew-with_one_long_kiss_my/340591.html)O love, O **fire**! once he drew  
  
With one long **kiss** my whole soul through  
  
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.”

~  [Alfred, Lord Tennyson](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/alfred,_lord_tennyson/) ~

 

**Chapter 27**

If Magneto was surprised by Kitty’s revelation, he made no show of being so. And if he hadn’t already known that the Sentinels could adapt to them, then he was much more ignorant than he appeared. Or maybe he’d just wanted to control them so badly that he’d completely disregarded that crucial fact. 

Madrox’s multiples were returning to the original even as John continued to beat the living hell out of him. He had to revert to just one, because he’d need all of his strength to get back at the other mutant, and Jamie knew it. This had never happened to him before, but John was fighting with the strength that came from pure rage. 

“That is why we must reprogram them before they do some serious harm!” Magneto told her. So that was it. He’d thought of the only way to force her into reprogramming the Sentinels—using them as a threat against everyone. And he was taking a huge risk that she would still not do it, because that would mean he would go down with them. 

What a fucking bastard. 

Kitty glared at him, then slammed her fist into his face so hard his head turned to the side and he felt the ground, out cold. She looked down at his unconscious form. She could solve a few of their problems and snuff him right there. Or she could walk away with her life and her soul. She turned to look at John who, by this point, had beaten Madrox long past unconsciousness and for some reason had seen the need to continue doing so. 

He was going to kill the other mutant, and that scared her more than her own consideration of doing the same to Magneto. One little slip and she would lose John forever. She had to choose her words carefully, catch his attention and keep it.

 “John!” He ignored her, and her mind raced for something else to say that would make him stop. “John just stop it!” She yelled, trying to pull him away. He didn’t push her aside like Bobby had, but he didn’t let her move him either. 

Kitty moved around to stand right in front of him, trying to get his attention. She was desperate now. And then she just said the words her lips had been holding back for a while—afraid of the consequences and potential reactions. But now she had no fear left, and she simply said it. 

“John, I love you!” 

He paused, hesitated in the next punch, but didn’t look up at her. There was blood on his face and hands, and she assumed—hoped—that it was Madrox’s rather than John’s. And his entire future, everything they’d worked together to build up after a lifetime of self-hatred, it all depended on how he reacted to these words. 

John Allerdyce couldn’t breathe. He looked up at her, her hair a mess and hanging down in front of her face, the panicked, yet hopeful, expression she kept so carefully because she wanted him to know _exactly_ what she was feeling. 

The world seemed to stop as he looked at her. Nothing moved but the two of them, just still, breathing and looking at each other. The building around them was starting to collapse, but the wreckage slowed in its descent, hitting the ground with a silence that could shatter glass. 

He took a breath after what seemed like forever, then jumped forward and grabbed her, throwing them both to the side in time to avoid being crushed by a large piece of the ceiling. The edge caught his arm, leaving a deep gash that began bleeding immediately, but as he looked down at her, he cared about nothing else. 

And then John smiled. 

It was more of a smirk actually, that started at the corner of his mouth and made its way about halfway across. His eyes focused on hers, and Kitty matched his smile with the half smile he loved so much.

“I love you.” She repeated, suddenly feeling the need to say it over and over again, just to make sure he knew that she meant it. 

“Yeah?” He asked, brushing some hair away from her face. 

Her smile grew. “Yeah.” 

“I’ll try not to die then.” He offered, standing up and helping her do the same. “We need to get out of here.” John commented, looking around for a way out. He noticed Magneto lying on the ground. “You do that?” He asked, looking at Kitty. 

“Yeah.” She admitted, a bit embarrassed. 

“Damn.” He said, smiling proudly. “You pack quite a punch, Kitten.” 

“Would you have…” He glanced at her, “killed him?” Kitty asked, pretending she didn’t know the answer to that question. 

“It doesn’t matter.” John told her, his face becoming emotionless, though his tone spoke volumes of inner confusion and doubt. 

“You _were_ going to kill him, John!” She said, grabbing his arm when he started to walk away. “How the hell do I know you’re really back to me? Because there was a lot that went on in this room that told me you’d gone back to the way you used to—” 

He grabbed Kitty gently and touched his lips to hers, stopping the words as she tried to speak them against him. After a split second of shock and confusion, Kitty gave in to the kiss completely. And it felt so natural, so perfect that she had no idea how she had lived without this.

She was getting the kiss he’d saved, the one he’d thought he would never find someone he would want to share it with. He was giving himself over to her completely and freely, and he was telling her everything that he couldn’t say aloud.

John pulled his face away reluctantly as the building shook again. “Are you convinced now?” He asked. And all she could do was nod, because he’d left her breathless. “Good. Now, let’s get the hell out of here!” 

Then his face changed, he looked at Magneto, and John looked confused. “Wait, if he’s…then who’s controlling the Sentinels?” 

Kitty’s eyes got wide as her brain snapped back into the present. “You need to get me inside of one of them!” She told him.

“Hell no!” John argued without hesitating. “Last time you were almost killed!” 

“John, I need to get into one of their main computers. They’re all networked. If I stop one, I stop them all.” She said. There was a mixture of sadness and desperation on her face. She knew what this might mean. 

“But you can’t phase!” And he was looking for any excuse to keep her away from the machines. “What happens if something goes wrong and you need to get out quickly?” 

“I’ll be fine.” She said, offering a sad smile. 

He looked at her, and she stared back up at him. It was a lie; one that neither of them truly believed. 

John touched her face with one of his hands, thumb gently moving to wipe away a tear that fell from her eye. “I…” He couldn’t say it. Why the hell couldn’t he say it!? He wanted to kiss her again, but there was no time for that. They’d already lingered too long for their own safety. 

“I have to.” Kitty told him. “I’m the only one who knows how.”

He looked down at her, and for the first time in his life, John wanted to lose his fire. He was willing to give it up in exchange for her safety, her life. He’d give fire, they’d get a way out, or maybe just her, but either way it didn’t matter as long as she was safe. And there was nothing he could do, because she was absolutely right. 

XXXXXXXX

 Leaving her behind had been the hardest thing Bobby Drake had ever had to do in his entire life. Harder than walking away from his own home while his parents looked down at him as if he were a monster, knowing he could never return again, that his own brother had betrayed him. 

But as soon as they’d made it out of the room, the entire ceiling had collapsed. And even then, Warren had ended up having to snatch Storm and Bobby up from the ground and whisk them away, while Logan merely jumped out of the way with the grace and strength of his namesake. 

No one said anything for the longest time. They stood there, staring at each other, trying to catch their breath and recover from what they had just lived through. And Bobby knew already he would never get over this. 

Then, it was as if the world started moving again, and suddenly they were fighting for their lives, because the Sentinels had focused on them now rather than whatever destination Magneto had been forcing them towards. 

They worked as a team. A remarkable, astounding completely in sync team. Storm and Warren took to the skies, focusing their abilities against the heads of the two nearest Sentinels, while Logan started slashing anything he could get at. Bobby relied completely on the adrenaline pumping through his veins to keep him standing, and within moments he was completely made of ice.

Logan watched with a raised eyebrow as the younger mutant threw some ice into the air, jumped onto it, and used it to glide. It was better than flying. And it felt more natural than walking did for Bobby. He was able to let go of all of his emotions and let the ice take over, using it as if it were a breathing partner, helping him along. 

But the Sentinels were gathering, and before long it became apparent that there were too many of them. Storm flew down near Logan, and he read the look on her face perfectly before she even told him what she was thinking. 

“To the end?” 

“To the end.” He agreed, and she took to the skies again.

XXXXXXXX

 

They kept running until they came to somewhat of a clearing, meaning a room that had less debris and a ceiling that was still intact. There they paused, staring at the Sentinel just ahead. Kitty took a deep breath, eyes wide as she realized exactly what she was going to be running into. 

“You don’t have to do this.” John said. 

“I do.” Kitty told him. And right when she was about to start running forward again, his hand on her arm stopped her. She looked back at him. 

He needed to say something, because he was almost completely sure that this wasn’t something she would walk away from. “Kitty, I…” The words caught in his throat as he showed real emotion to the one person that he could do so around. 

She flashed that half smile. “I know.” Kitty said. “I know, John.” She pulled him close and hugged him, then pulled away and started running.

She could only hope that her phasing powers were starting to return. If not she’d have to climb up the thing’s leg and find a way inside, and that sounded less than fun to her. Just as these thoughts were running through her mind, she felt fire rush past her. 

Glancing back, she saw John there, holding his lighter—he must have grabbed it before they’d left the room where Magneto now laid—looking right at her. He focused all of his flames onto the nearest Sentinel leg, doing his best to control it and melt a way in for her. 

And it worked. 

But when she tried to jump in, her hands were burned and she cried out, jumping back away from it. The metal was extremely hot and showed no signs of cooling. So that meant she’d get burned along the way. But it had to be done. 

She tried again, wincing from the heat, but not jumping away like before. And then suddenly the metal was cold as ice, and she looked back to find Bobby standing there, hands held out in front of him. She mouthed a simple ‘thank you’ then started climbing up the leg. 

Bobby nodded in reply, realizing he’d only just made it in time, then took off towards John. And John, not knowing where the hell Bobby had come from so suddenly, had to fight his first instinct to attack him. 

“What is she doing?” Bobby asked once he was close enough to be heard, and John realized that he wasn’t after him after all and relaxed. 

“She’s trying to reprogram them.” Was John’s answer. 

“Don’t worry.” Bobby told him. “If anyone can, it’s Kitty.” Something had changed about Bobby, and John noticed it. He wasn’t such a hardass anymore, he wasn’t pretending to be completely in control. And he was trying to comfort the one person he hated the most. 

Climbing up when you had nothing to hold onto wasn’t easy, but she’d went through enough Danger Room sessions to improvise, and Kitty finally did make it up to the tiny control room. It all looked too damn familiar. It was the last place she wanted to be. 

_Kitty, what do you believe in?_  

Now was the moment. That moment they’d always imagined would come someday, but had always hoped they wouldn’t have to live through. The moment where they proved that they were willing to save this cold world even if it meant their own lives. The moment where nothing mattered but stopping the evil that threatened others. The selfless moment where heroes were truly born. 

And as Kitty Pryde attempted to get into the Sentinel’s main system, all that ran through her mind was John. The touch of his hands on her face, his lips to hers, the hug she’d stolen before running away to stop the Sentinels. It was all so fresh, so real, and she realized she was going to miss it.  


	28. Chapter 28

 

“[ **Love** is eternal - the aspect may change, but not the essence. There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in **love** as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning. The lamp was there and was a good lamp, but now it is shed](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/love_is_eternal-the_aspect_may_change-but_not_the/149873.html)”

~   [Vincent van Gogh](http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/vincent_van_gogh/) ~

 

**Chapter 28**

 

“Where’s everyone else?” John asked, more to be polite than anything. The only person he was really worried about right then was Kitty. 

“We’re not going to make it.” Bobby said suddenly, staring at the Sentinel wherein was Kitty somewhere, trying frantically to fix things before they got _too_ bad. But they already had. 

“Shut the fuck up.” John snapped, glaring at Bobby, who glanced at him. “Now where are they!?” 

Bobby pointed in the direction he’d come from, and John took off running. He needed something to do besides standing there watching as his world crumbled around. Maybe if he could burn something, it would be easier to accept that, yeah, they probably wouldn’t make it out of this alive. 

XXXXXXXX

 

“ ‘Ro!” Logan tried to run over to where she’d fallen, but he was caught roughly by the hand of a Sentinel before he got very far. And who knew how long she had, laying there, bleeding from a gash on her forehead? All he wanted was to get to Storm and save her. 

“Alright, bub,” Logan said, turning his attention to the Sentinel that held him in its tight grip. “You and me have some talkin’ to do.” With a slash of his claws one of the robot’s fingers broke off and fell towards the ground, sending a trembling ripple through the debris that nearly knocked him off his feet. 

It was Warren that got to Storm in time, a split second before the Sentinel that had thrown her was about to step on her and finish the job. He swooped in, all feathers and grace, and snatched her up, not stopping until she was far enough away from the actual fighting to stand a chance until she woke up. If she woke up soon. 

And once she was somewhat safe, as safe as she _could_ be, Warren didn’t hesitate to jump—or fly, rather—right back into the fight. He may have had the porcelain face of an angel, but he was capable of being quick and efficient on the battlefield as well, and he was willing to die to protect these people who had given him a home when no one else wanted to. 

John and Bobby showed up and jumped right into things. It was as if nothing had ever happened between any of them, as if John had stayed at the school rather than left, as if Bobby had never hated him, as if nothing had happened to Rogue. And then… 

“Where’s Rogue?” John asked as he blasted the nearest Sentinel with fire so hot it left his lighter shining a bright orange before it could cool.

And from the way no one answered him, John figured it out on his own. Damn it, he’d never really liked the girl, but he hadn’t hated her either. He had thought her pathetic, unable to touch people and always bitching about it too. But then, things had started to get better between them. The bridge hadn’t been rebuilt completely, but the foundation had been set up. And now he’d never get the chance to make things completely right. 

He couldn’t understand why that bothered him so much. 

“Where’s Kitty?” Warren asked, gliding down to land next to them. And he made it look easy, like those soft wings weren’t supporting 180 pounds of pure muscle. 

“She’s trying to stop them.” John answered, already getting sick of answering the question. _Where’s Kitty? On a suicide mission you fucking morons!_  

Logan landed a few feet in front of them, claws extended, angry expression on his face. And a few seconds later, the Sentinel who had attempted to catch him fell back onto the ground behind him, sending a tremor through the ground that nearly knocked everyone off of their feet except Logan and Warren—who merely stepped up into the air for a moment with a flap of his beautiful wings. 

“We’ve gotta finish this.” Logan told them, and Bobby nodded. 

“We won’t be able to stop them.” Warren commented, watching the Sentinels that were advancing towards them behind Logan. 

“No.” John agreed quietly. “But we can buy Kitty some time.” They all looked at him, a bit surprised to see the selfless side of the ruthless Pyro. And for a moment they all just focused on that, on what had changed and who had changed it for them. 

Then Logan glanced over at Storm where she laid, and his face softened. There were almost tears in his eyes, and John recognized the look that the Wolverine was giving his friend. Was it possible that Logan was in love with Storm?

He looked back at them; sure that Storm would be safe now. Then, Logan nodded, breaking the momentary silence. “Okay. Let’s do this.” He turned to face the remaining Sentinels, and watched with wide eyes as the one he had knocked down stood right back up again. “Shit.” 

“They’ve adapted.” Warren concluded, taking to the air a few feet. He hovered there, with all the elegance of a swan, but the attentiveness of a hawk stalking its prey. He soared up through a hole in what little was left of the ceiling, eyes scanning the horizon, trying to make sure that the surrounding woods were completely clear of any innocents. He saw no one, and he descended back down to the others, arms held out to the sides ever so slightly to keep his balance when he made the transition from air to ground. 

His feet hit the ground gently and he had the distinct feeling that this might be the last day he’d ever fly. Warren looked at them. “It’s clear. It’s just us.” They all glanced at Logan. 

He looked at Bobby, making sure the kid was actually up for a fight, and was somewhat relieved to see that he would be okay. At least for now. Then Logan looked at John, and the expression he saw on the kid’s face almost worried him. 

“What?” Logan asked. 

“I have an idea.” John answered, looking down at his lighter.

XXXXXXXX

 Kitty’s mind raced with her hands as she tried to come up with a way to stop the Sentinels at the exact moment she was trying to actually do it. She tried to get into the machine’s mind, think the way it would, but for once in her life this proved difficult for her to do. 

_Their thought process is unchangeable, absolute. The idea of an exception to the rule doesn’t even exist for them._  

The Senator’s words rang through her head, and suddenly Kitty came up with an idea. Why not use those unchangeable rules against them? But it would be dangerous—especially for her. 

Fingers wrapped away on the keyboard, searching for the loophole in the programming that Trask had mentioned without even meaning to. She was finally thinking like the machines, and amazingly, she was relieved with what she saw.

It was hot in there, nearly unbearably so, but she had to keep working. And the image of John’s face kept flashing through her mind, reminding her that he’d be right outside waiting for her when this was through. If it was ever truly through.

_{Focus on the task at hand.}_ She heard Xavier’s voice in her mind just as clearly as if he’d been sitting right next to her. _{You know what must be done.}_  

“Right.” She said aloud, her hands working more frantically as she tried to access the part of the programming she needed to get to. But Trask wasn’t a moron. He’d set up more than one digital booby-trap, probably knowing someone would try something exactly like this. 

After a few more minutes of denied access, Kitty groaned in frustration, hands holding her head. “I can’t do this!” She yelled, though she knew that she _had_ to do this or they all died. Everything depended on her computer skills and right now she was too frazzled to really use them to their full extent. 

_{Remember your lessons.}_ Kitty’s hands fell from her head as she stared forward, eyes wide as an idea suddenly occurred to her that hadn’t before. Maybe she wasn’t losing her mind. Maybe… 

_The Professor is dead._  

_Are you sure?_  

“Professor?” Her voice was small, quiet. 

_{You’re not as alone as you think.}_ Was the reply.

XXXXXXXX

 “It’s suicide.” Bobby said, scoffing. He didn’t like the idea, and he wasn’t sure if it was because John had come up with it or just because it, in all actuality, _was_ a stupid idea. 

“It’s all we’ve got.” Warren commented. 

“How are we going to get close enough to them without them killing us?” Bobby asked John, looking for any excuse he could to stop the plan before it started. 

“I could—” 

Logan interrupted Warren before he could finish. “No. We need you to get Storm to safety. She can’t be anywhere near here when this happens.” He looked at Bobby. “Do your ice surfing thing.” 

“My what?” 

“I saw you earlier.” Logan told him, getting irritated that Bobby was acting so lost when they really didn’t have time for his clueless act. 

“I’d never done that before.” Bobby argued. “I’m not that good at it. We could get halfway there and then I wouldn’t be able to finish and we’d fall.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” John asked, completely confused, and just as irritated—if not more—with Bobby as Logan was. 

Bobby sighed, then held his hands out in front of him and made a slide of ice up into the air. He jumped up and slid along with it as he continued to create a path ahead of him. John actually looked impressed when he curved it back around and landed by them. 

Logan looked at John. “So whatya say?” 

“We don’t really have a choice.” Bobby told them, pointing towards the nearest Sentinel, which reached down to grab one of them. 

The plan was simple: heat the metal, then freeze it. The two extremes so quickly would wear the robots’ exterior so quickly they’d shatter with another step. The only problem was that in order to get the metal hot enough, and then frozen enough, it would take every last ounce of Bobby and John’s strength, leaving both of them defenseless and vulnerable afterwards. 

Luckily, they didn’t even need their plan. 

The Sentinel that was reaching towards them paused, then stood back up and started walking towards the others. “What the fuck just happened?” John asked, watching as one Sentinel tore another’s head off. 

Logan looked surprised as well. “I don’t know.” He admitted. 

“Kitty.” Bobby replied, smiling. But the smile only lasted a second as they all had to jump out of the way because one of the Sentinels fell to the ground near them. 

“We can’t stay here!” Warren called out, flying through the air towards Storm. 

“I think we’ve been at that status for a while now.” Logan replied dryly. “Come on!” 

John paused. “What did she do?” 

“I don’t know, but let’s get out of here!” Logan told him, frustrated that the kid was lingering. “Come on, she can walk through walls. She’ll be fine!”

John’s eyes turned to look at them all, waiting for him. “She doesn’t have her powers.” 

“What?” Logan snapped. 

“Magneto cured her…temporarily.” He hoped. 

“Damn it.” Logan muttered, claws extending again. They all turned their heads to watch the Sentinels battle each other. “She’s inside one of those things?” 

“Yeah.” John answered. 

“Which one?” 

John looked at them all, searching for the hole they Kitty had used to get into the Sentinel’s leg, and finally found it. “That one!” And Bobby took off through the air on his ice slide the instant John pointed. 

“What the hell?” Logan ran after him.

XXXXXXXX

 It had worked! Kitty laughed in relief as she realized that her plan had worked. Their programming—with the idea that they would defeat anything that threatened humanity—had allowed her to tell them what exactly _was_ a threat to humanity. And she had merely pointed out to them, that they themselves were a threat. So logically, they were trying to destroy themselves now. 

She had to get out. 

Kitty panicked, suddenly realizing she had no way out but the Sentinel’s leg, and when she glanced down the way she’d come she saw the ground rushing past. It was walking, and pretty damn fast too. 

How long had Stryker’s technology worked on Professor Summers? He’d told them once before a defensive exercise. She closed her eyes and tried to remember. Thirty minutes? An hour? 

“Damn it.” Kitty muttered, realizing she couldn’t remember a thing. She stood up—had to crouch as the area was so small—and glanced back down the leg. A sudden lurch slammed her into the computer console she’d been working with, and Kitty instantly felt dizzy. There was blood on her forehead—she could feel it oozing out—and she was fighting to stay conscious. Fighting and failing. 

Kitty’s training kicked in once again, and she realized she had to do something fast or she was going to die right there like that. So, she took a deep breath, then stood up and ran forward—knowing there was only a foot to go before she would either hit the wall or fly through it.

Warren’s sharp eyes were the first to spot her, flung through the air by the movement of another step the Sentinel she’d been in had taken right when she’d jumped forward. It was trying to get away from one of the other Sentinels while attempting to behead yet another. And yet Warren picked her out of all that chaos and flying debris. 

He swooped up and grabbed her, barely catching hold of her wrist. Looking down he saw that she was unconscious and bleeding. Once he had a better grip, he lifted her up and held her in both of his arms, landing a few seconds later next to the other X-Men. 

John rushed up to them just as Bobby noticed and started making his way back over. “Is she...?” 

“No.” Warren replied. “She’s breathing.” John took her from his arms and held her gently, then looked to Logan. 

“Worthington, can you get Storm?” Logan asked. “Meet us at that clearing we passed on the way here?” Warren nodded and jumped back into the air, racing towards Storm. “Time to make a heroic exit.” Logan announced. He looked at John. “Let me take her.” 

John was reluctant to let her go though. “Kid, I’m faster, and I’m stronger.” Logan told him, holding his arms out. Finally, still a bit hesitant, John nodded and handed her over. And then they took off running, Bobby sliding on his ice right beside them. 

Once in the clearing, far enough away to still see the Sentinel’s take each other down but not be in any danger, they stopped to catch their breath and turned to look back. It was an amazing sight. Robots the size of skyscrapers fighting each other to the point of complete and utter destruction, without mercy, without ever tiring. And they were almost completely gone now, turned from vicious monsters to cold, dead wreckage.

John knelt down next to where Logan had laid Kitty, focusing his attention completely on her while the others continued to watch the Sentinels in aw. He lifted his shirt up and over his head without hesitation, folding it and holding it against her head wound, trying to stop the bleeding before it got too bad. 

And he was glad the others weren’t watching him, because he was so damn relieved that Kitty had made it that he had tears in his eyes as he looked down at her. “Come on, Kitten.” He whispered. “Wake up.” 

But it would be an entire night and day before she woke up, laying there in the medical lab at the Avenger’s Mansion. John hadn’t left her side, and he’d only just fallen asleep, despite his best efforts to do without it entirely. He’d been holding her hand, and his head rested on the bed next to her.

Kitty’s eyes fluttered open and she looked around, confused as to where she was at first. She reached up with her free hand and touched the bandage on her forehead, then looked down to see what was keeping her other hand occupied. A smile crossed her lips, the half smile he always brought out in her, and she spoke his name quietly. 

“John?” 

He didn’t wake up at first, caught somewhere in a nightmare of what could have, and probably _should_ have happened. But then he heard her voice, and it was so contrary to what he was dreaming that he had to wake up and see where it was coming from.

John’s face softened from concerned to calm as he looked at her. “Hey.” He said quietly. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I just saved the world from killer robots.” She replied teasingly. 

He sat up and leaned forward, kissing her forehead next to the bandage. “You did.” John replied, head pulling backwards so that he could look into her eyes, giving her a soft smile.

“And everyone’s okay?” She asked, smiling back at him hopefully.

John looked at her for a moment in silence, his smile gone. “Uh, Rogue…” He started quietly, “She didn’t make it.” 

Kitty’s smile disappeared. “Oh.” 


	29. Chapter 29

 

“The coldest heart can be brought to life   
When it's thrown into the **fire** of **goodbyes** ”

**~**  The Classic Crime “The Coldest Heart” ~

 

**Chapter 29**

It is ironic that death, in every sense of the word, is a huge part of life. And war is akin to it, death’s brother among so many cousins of disease and disasters. But death is the ultimate outcast, thrown aside and tossed about until it finally screams in your face for some real attention. At which point you have no choice but to face it. 

Rogue was given a hero’s home—among the great and fallen Avengers in their private cemetery. And as they all stood there, looking down at it, Kitty realized that the X-Men would never be the same without her. 

Since day one Rogue had made an impact on the immediate team. She’d quickly become someone for the other students to look up to, and that hadn’t excluded Kitty herself. Rogue had been the closest thing she’d had to a best friend. Before John.

Logan looked down at the headstone, saw her name on it, and couldn’t help but give a faint smile at the memories it conjured. 

_What kind of a name is Wolverine?_  

Bobby didn’t fight the tears, though somehow he managed to keep from trembling as they fell from his eyes and silently down his cheeks, where they froze without him even realizing it, and then fell to the ground. Landing in the soft grass, the sunlight shined upon those tiny frozen tears, a testament to all present that he had, in fact, loved Rogue.

Storm stared at the grave in silence, the Priest’s words of comfort completely unheard by her. She missed the girl already—had always felt a special bond with her that she only had with a few of her students. But she kept a special hold on her powers, leaving the sun free to shine upon the scene like something straight out of a movie. 

Warren stood in silence, looking at the grave. It reminded him of his mother. He hadn’t set foot in a cemetery since she had died. Flown above, yes, but only just to glance. And people had actually thought him an angel a couple of times. So he stopped even doing that. 

Once he had saved his roommates from a fire, back when he’d gone off to college for a while, before the world had known he had wings. He’d kept them hidden under jackets, tied to his back. The same way he’d hidden them from his father for nearly three weeks. But now, he was a man, and his wings were fully developed. 

Standing there in the graveyard, it seemed only natural to extend them out, so he did just that. The Priest looked up from his Bible, watching the way the sunlight caught the white feathers, and almost said something. But then he turned back to his words, trying to ease the pain of their souls. 

He was unsuccessful. 

It was Logan’s keen senses that picked up on the new presence first. Something he’d felt before, something damned familiar. And suddenly he remembered that he’d been looking down at Professor Xavier’s grave, like he was looking at Rogue’s now, and he’d had this overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be okay. 

Logan turned his head ever so slightly and saw movement from the corner of his eyes. So he turned his head completely to see who was approaching, and his mouth fell open in surprise as he raised a skeptical eyebrow. 

The others, Storm first, noticing that Logan’s attention was elsewhere, turned to follow his gaze. A sudden gust of wind let everyone know that the tears in Storm’s eyes were now for the approaching figure rather than the loss of Rogue. 

She saw it, but she didn’t believe it. 

“Professor?” Storm asked quietly, all but whispering.

He was walking. He looked a little different, and Moira was helping him walk, but he was walking. And there were details to his face that proved he wasn’t completely normal, that he wasn’t quite himself, but this was, without a doubt Professor Charles Xavier walking towards them. 

Logan smiled. It was about time something good happened to them. Bobby was shocked into silence, Warren a bit unsure of how to react as he hadn’t ever met the man, and Kitty had happy tears in her eyes. John was holding her hand, standing there, waiting for the Professor to lecture him for leaving the school, for joining Magneto and the Brotherhood, but the lecture never came. 

All he felt from the man was peace. 

And John knew that somehow, that was exactly what Xavier had intended for them to all feel. One by one, they all showed signs of that inner peace, and Storm ran up to hug him. Moira smiled as she watched the happy scene, the X-Men gathering around their mentor, asking questions and hugging him.

It was quite a sight to see. And from where he stood, off to the side, away from the others, John had a perfect view. And a perfect example of how he would never truly be a part of the X-Men. 

_{I know what you’re thinking.}_ John glanced up at the Professor at the sound of his voice inside his mind. _{And you are both right and wrong.}_  

More cryptic messages. Great. John looked back at the ground, hands in his pockets, one around his lighter.

Fire. Always changing, always moving, never able to stay still or contain itself. A dynamic element that someone, somewhere had decided that John Allerdyce was capable of controlling. Because he was the same way fire was. 

He glanced at Xavier, watched the man give him a warm, knowing smile, and then looked at Kitty. 

Kitty smiled at him where he stood in the distance. They’d fought and they’d won, and now the Professor was back. How amazing was that? And he smiled back at her, a gleam of pride in the brown eyes that had once looked at her in disgust. But his smile was starting to fade, and from the distance she was standing, Kitty wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw tears in his eyes.

And then John turned his back and started to walk away. Her own smile faded as she realized what was happening, and her heart began to race. “No!” Kitty screamed, taking off after him, running away from the others, who were too busy welcoming their dear friend back to pay any attention to her. Or maybe Xavier was keeping their minds preoccupied to give them a moment. 

“No, what are you doing!?” Kitty grabbed him by his arms and made him stop walking, out of breath but focusing her attention on him rather than regaining her calm. 

There were no tears now. Not when she was close enough to see and know for sure that that was what they had been. He looked into her eyes, gazing down at her, and she looked up at his face, desperate for an answer, an explanation, or just a simple ‘just kidding! I’d never leave!’ 

But she got anything but comfort. “I can’t stay.” John said, glancing back at the X-Men, all smiles and happy tears. “I don’t…” He paused, unsure of how to put it. 

“Don’t go.” Kitty begged quietly, barely above a whisper. But, he heard her clearly, and he tried to not look into her pleading eyes.

“I can’t stay.” He repeated. “I almost killed him.” Kitty looked at the ground, knowing John was referring to Magneto. “I almost killed him, because he was going to hurt you, and I thought…I’d _hoped_ that I had changed enough to…” He sighed. “I’m dangerous around you.” Kitty looked back up at him. “If I stay, and we keep going out on these stupid missions to save the world, what happens if you’re in trouble again, and I get reckless and get us all killed? 

“John, please.” Her grip on his arms tightened a little. 

And then an idea crossed his mind, one he had never considered before. “Come with me.” John told her. “Away from everyone, I’m sure it would work.” Kitty looked at the ground, unsure, because although she hated it, everything he had just said was true. 

“I don’t belong with those people.” He told her, motioning in the direction of the others, who were talking and laughing.

Kitty looked back up at him with tear-filled eyes. “But I _do_.” Kitty told him, and the heartbreak in her voice made him want to just hold her. “I belong here, fighting with them. People need us.” 

The unspoken, _But I need you…_ ran through his mind, but he didn’t say it aloud. John nodded his head. She was better off without him around anyway. Kitty without John meant she would be safe, and in that moment that was all that honestly mattered to him. 

“It was fun.” He muttered, turning to leave again. Yeah, it was an asshole remark to make, but he needed to be cruel in order to have the strength to walk away without her, to give her a chance at a good life without him, without all the baggage that came with a person like him. She deserved better. Magneto had been right about that at least. 

Kitty’s mouth fell open in disbelief. It was fun? Was she nothing more than a momentary thrill? Had everything they’d been through together meant nothing to him? She was devastated, crushed.

And in John’s mind he was fighting with himself, forcing each step further away. Then he paused. If he just walked away, if he never looked back at her that one last time, he would hate himself even more, he realized. John turned around slowly, looking at her broken heart—he could see it in her eyes, because she hid nothing from him, masked no emotions. 

Two seconds to think, and his heart kicked in before his brain.

He walked back over to her, taking hold of her face as he kissed her. She closed her eyes and focused completely on him, the feeling of his mouth against hers, his hand on her face, his closeness. It was their second kiss, but it was so right that it felt like the first all over again. 

And it took her breath away. Kitty Pryde had to hold onto him to keep from falling; her knees were starting to weaken. When he pulled his mouth away—only enough so that they could breath—and opened his eyes to look into hers, there was a moment, a quiet moment where time seemed to stop again and they saw into each others’ souls. 

It was bittersweet. A comforting goodbye that would not last, and they held onto it as long as they could. Then he finally pulled away, taking a step back—if he didn’t he would never leave.

“Someday,” He told her, looking right into her eyes, “we’ll finish this.” Then John turned and walked away from her, leaving Kitty standing their in the cemetery, shocked as tears fell silently down her face.  

XXXXXXXX

A few hours later, she sat across from the Professor, looking at the floor, the most heartbroken expression on her face. 

“You helped him more than anyone else ever could.” He told her, and Kitty looked up at him. “He won’t forget it.” 

“I…I don’t understand why he had to leave.” Kitty lied. She understood completely, she just didn’t agree with it. There was a certain logic in his reason, a logic that would keep her friends—her _family_ —safe. It was just amazing that John Allerdyce of all people had seen it before she had, and that he’d been selfless enough to accept it and fix the problem before someone got killed. 

Professor Xavier smiled at her, sending some comfort mentally her way. “Why don’t you go lie down for a bit. You could use the rest.” He told her. 

Kitty nodded and stood up slowly. But she hesitated, looking at him. “You were helping me all along, weren’t you?” She asked him. 

_{You’re not as alone as you think.}_ A smile crossed her lips when he sent that thought her way, and Kitty nodded. 

“Thank you.” She told him, hoping that he understood just how much he had helped her. He smiled in response, watching as she left the room. 

Kitty laid on her best, staring at the ceiling, mentally going over each and every moment she’d experienced with John—good, bad, tears, smiles, painful, comforting, _everything_. With a quiet sigh, she phased through the bed, only truly comfortable when she was lying beneath it, staring up at the frame. 

Then something caught her eye, and she turned her head, surprised by what she saw lying there on the floor. She picked it up and phased back through the bed, looking at it under the light. There, in her hand, laid John’s lighter, the piece of his very soul he would never go anywhere without. And there was a note attached: 

“ _The End”_  

Kitty Pryde smiled.

 


End file.
